"Ugh! Well you're ugly! "
I chuckled as I listened to the rambling between Ty and Emma as I quietly made my way to the kitchen after arriving just now. It was so funny that she said that, given that they are literally each other in different genders.
They didn't fight often, but when they do, it was always quite funny.
"Well good to see that everyone's still themselves" I made my presence known as I grabbed an apple and bit into it for dramatic effect. I watch way too many movies.
"Victoria!"
"Tori! "
"Yay girl's night!" I gave Emma a deadpanned look at her statement. "What? I already knew you were coming, remember? But that doesn't mean I didn't miss you"
She grabbed me into a hug, soon after which Lincoln and Ashley joined.
"By the way, love the hair" I blushed as she ran her fingers through it.
"While your man has been sulking for five days, you're out getting a makeover. I like your style" She winked, making me laugh nervously.
It was then and there that I noticed I was in the same house as him. I involuntarily looked around, seeing that he wasn't anywhere near here.
"He's in his room," Caleb said, looking down. "I haven't seen him like this since-"
"Ella" I finished for him, feeling a pang of guilt for the pain he has probably been going through.
"He hadn't come out since you left," Ty added. "Only for dinner and a beer, then he disappears again for 24 hours" He sighed, making me feel much worse.
"I'm sorry guys" I looked down, fiddling with my hair.
"You don't have to be sorry Vic. He's the one who messed up" Emma said soothingly. "I honestly thought you would've taken longer to come back"
"Speaking of, what did he do? " Caleb asked as my heart rate sped up.
"He...He accused me of some things I didn't do, then said some other mean stuff that I'd go a lifetime without hearing again" I muttered, giving them a look to say please don't question further.
One, because it would reveal Ashley's pregnancy which I hoped was still a surprise. And two, I really didn't want to repeat what happened.
Ashley gave me a pat on the back and a weak smile as I slowly made my way up the stairs.
I remained quiet in front of the door, pressing my ear against it so I could hear. But I didn't hear anything.
I gently pushed the door open and stepped inside, being met by the stench of alcohol and misery. I scrunched my nose up as I walked deeper into the room, and stopped in front of the bed.
There he laid, on his back inhaling and exhaling softly as he slept. I didn't want to wake him, but before I could reach the door I heard ruffling.
He's awake.
"Victoria? " He called, the word barely audible, sounding frail and desperate with a hint of relief.
I slowly turned around to face him, meeting his eyes instantly. He looked like a total mess to the point where you would've thought I left him for good.
His eyes were red and drained, and underneath them sat dark circles as if he didn't sleep in ages. He had a light stubble, and if I was being honest, my heart broke at the sight of him like that.
My feelings were all over the place. I was angry and hurt for what he did, but I still felt bad for being the reason he was like that. Well, to some sense.
"Hello Luka" I folded my arms over my chest, waiting for him to say something. He watched me for a while as if actually processing that I was really there.
"You're back," he whispered, moving closer to me, but I stepped back as the stench of alcohol hit me.
"You've been busy" I commented, gesturing to our now ruined sheets. He sighed, rubbing his eyes, and that's when I noticed he had pills in his hands.
I peered at the bed, seeing two more bottles of pills. My eyes immediately started to water as my heart broke.
"What were you doing?" I whispered, stepping back a little. He looked at me confused, not knowing what I meant.
"You were really gonna do this? You were really planning to just leave me like that? You knew I would come back, Luka!" Tears escaped my eyes as I watched him put two and two together.
"Victoria no I wasn't trying to..shit no you have it all wrong" He said. "I've been having headaches everyday, but the pills weren't working so I tried other ones. I just didn't bother to put back the ones I didn't use. Victoria, I'm passed that, I wouldn't give up that easy without trying to get you back"
"And you've been so busy doing that" I scoffed, wiping my eyes.
"Vic I'm so, so sorry" He took my hand and gazed into my eyes. "I was an idiot"
"You were."
"I should've just listened to what you were saying"
"Yes, you should've"
"But I was so blinded by my hurt and anger that I-" He sighed, looking down shamefully. "That I pushed you too far. I didn't mean those things Victoria, you have to believe me" He met my eyes once again, pleading with me to believe him.
"I believe you" I simply said. His face flooded with relief, but I wasn't done. "I do believe you Luka, but I do know that whatever you said, wasn't just random. Somewhere deep inside you held those doubts and thoughts."
"It's not like tha-"
"Look me in the eyes and tell me you didn't mean it" I stood firm.
"I didn't mea-"
"Before you found out the truth" I added. "Before you knew it wasn't mine, you damn well meant every word you said. It was after you learnt the truth that you regretted it, but before, you didn't regret saying everything you said to me"
"That's where you're wrong Angel. As much as I was in pain, it killed me to know that I hurt you, and that was before Emma told me everything". I sighed, as the lump in my throat got bigger.
"I know you hurt when I hurt, but that's not what I meant. You didn't just say what you said to hurt me. I know you Luka and I know you wouldn't just say shit to hurt me. That is how I knew you meant all that you said. Am I wrong? "
He sighed, but said nothing.
"You see that's the thing Luka. That is what hurt me the most. Not the words, but the fact that even after all this time, you still don't trust me. You still had doubts about me" More tears fell down my cheek as I continued.
"I've been with you through your phases from the very night I saved your life. I've had to uncover secret after secret on my own since you wouldn't ever tell me anything. I've been with you even when I found out that you're wolves for crying out loud!
"I've stayed when I knew you had some wolfy claim on me. I've stayed when I learnt that you're still and always will be in love with your past mate. I stayed when I found out that I'm practically the living twin of her Luka! I HAVE STAYED BY YOU! " I couldn't contain my tears as they continued to spill.
"Everything that should've pushed me away didn't. I stuck by you and gave up everything for you! My house, my human friends, my job! And for what? For you to find a damn pregnancy test and believe it's mine!? There's a freaking mated wolf in the house Luka! Why would it be mine?" I closed my eyes as I tried to contain myself.
"I know you haven't known me long, but after all that you've put me through and I still stuck by you, I would've at least thought you'd trust me" I met his eyes once again, seeing them filled with tears.
"I'm sorry that I put you through this " I gestured to the bed and himself. "But I had to clear my head, see where I'm actually at with you"
"You don't need to have second thoughts about that Angel, you know you're my heart" He croaked out, attempting to hold me again.
"Am I? Or am I just a fraction of what you couldn't have? Am I just the make up for what you lost? Am I just here to keep you happy so you can take over the pack again? Am I really anything more to you than just a backbone? I've been helping you up and keeping you up, but the moment something happens, you show me what you really think about late at night."
Stay strong Victoria.
"Then you had to use that one thing against me, to ensure that you really got me didn't you? Yes I know, I was always alone. I've always been and deep down, I still feared that I will be one day again. But accusing me of using you as a means to escape my loneliness? That was just low Luka. Just low" I tried to keep my tears at bay as I gathered everything I needed to say.
"I would've done alllll this just to use you? I would've let you do this," I pointed at the mark on my neck, "Just to escape loneliness? " I scoffed as I shook my head in disbelief.
"I know I was a mess but I wasn't that desperate Luka. I did it all because I love your stupid ass, not because I was alone. And that's the reason I came back too, because deep down I knew I wouldn't be able to stay away from you, and I didn't want you doing this either " I pointed to the mess in the room.
"Speaking of. You should really find better ways of dealing with your grief Luka. In life, shit happens! You can't just sulk in your room every time something happens." I dried my tears once again, hoping that they were actually done now. "You're supposed to be stronger than this. Yes I know it's hard but ruining yourself won't fix it"
"It's not that easy Victoria" He whispered, looking down.
"I know it isn't. Hell, It's been so hard for me the past few days, and I know it's a hundred times worse for you. But what if I die in a few years huh? " His eyes widened at my question, looking genuinely scared.
"You're gonna put everyone through this again? You're gonna put your pack and your family through that again? Wake up Luka. You're not the only one who's affected by your actions. And since everyone else is afraid of telling you, then I will.
"Your people suffer when you act like this. You're supposed to be strong, be an example to them, not bring them down with you. I'm not saying you shouldn't be sad when shit happens. Take a week to sulk, go ahead. But you have to learn to stand up, be in control of your own pain and grief before it takes control over you AND consume you. I've had to learn that at a very young age, and I suggest you learn it too"
As much as I didn't want to, I made my way to the door, leaving him to his thoughts.
"Don't you worry, I'll be staying with Emma tonight. You just need to get cleaned up and all that"
"Victoria wait!" I stopped in my tracks, but didn't turn around to face him. "I know I messed up, and I'll spend everyday making up for it but please don't go. I'm so sorry for doubting you, and I'm so sorry for hurting you. And you're not just an object of support for me, you're my love, my life. I love you Victoria" His voice cracked at the end, and I resisted the urge to cry again.
"Don't worry, I'm not leaving. I made a promise to you and your family, and I intend to keep it" I whispered, knowing well he heard.
"Baby please-"
"I'll see you later Luka." I left before he could say anything else. I knew whatever I said had to be said and I'm not ashamed that I did.
I'll come around once I let the hurt go. I knew he really was sorry, I could see it in his eyes as he held back the tears. But right now, I'll give him time to forgive himself before I can forgive him.
Because one thing I knew, all that sulking that he did wasn't just because he was sad. It was because he blamed himself, wallowing in his own regret. He did it for Ella, and he did it again these past few days.
Once he learns how to overcome that, he'll be stronger than ever. But he needs time.
It's just for him to decide how long that'll be.
I did my part, it's time for him to do his.