Chapter 36: Chapter 36

Misty

I shoved the gun into my purse and turned the key revving the engine; ready to go through the garage door if they tried anything. Negan, the fucker, had even filled my gas tank. For some reason it made me feel even angrier at this moment. The garage door lifted. Beck’s engine came to life. I spared Negan one last look, he met my gaze and nodded, a gesture I hoped meant he intended to keep my secrets. Putting the car in reverse I backed out. I pushed my mind from the swirling torrent of panic that threatened to pull me under and focused on the road as I paired my phone to the vehicle and dialed Beck.

“We are going to pull into a parking lot three blocks from here, I want us to check the car and make sure he hasn’t put his own tracker on it,” he explained. I glanced at the light in my rearview mirror that was proof he was right behind me and allowed myself to relax a little. I wasn’t alone in this anymore. Transferring the weight of my problems to the man who had become my guardian angel. It made me feel guilty. These were my problems, my shame, my stupidity that had put me here. I didn’t deserve this man fighting my battles alongside me. I wasn’t stupid either, we couldn’t make it without him. Our lives were in his hands, but I realized something important tonight, I could and needed to trust Beck.

“Thank you,” I said, quietly as I came up to a stop light.

“You don’t have to thank me, it’s what I do,” Beck insisted.

I scoff out a broken laugh. “I doubt you’ve had to deal with this much drama, with any of your other charges,” I say quietly. “I’m sorry,” I let him know truthfully.

“Don’t apologize to me, Misty, you are not responsible for the actions or choices of abhorrent males,” he insisted. The light turned green and we eased forward.

“Next right,” he instructed.

“I see it.” It was a small road almost an alley really and it took us past a few buildings before the practically vacant parking lot came into view. I pulled in and parked as Beck pulled up beside me. I folded my arms over the wheel and rested my head against it, taking a deep breath. I just needed a moment as the emotions and information of all that had incurred settled. The car door opened and Beck’s hulking frame enveloped the doorway. I didn’t look up.

“You okay?” he asked.

“Just taking a breather,” I admitted. After a long pause I glanced up at him from the corner of my eye.

“Well, if you don’t come out here I’m gonna come in there and pull you out, so make your choice.” His voice was rough and layered with an emotion I couldn’t discern. His tone was serious, not annoyed. I pushed back from the wheel and looked at him fully as my back molded into the seat giving him an indignant look.

Beck didn’t say a damn word, he just leaned into the car and popped my seatbelt. I sighed and got out of the car. No sooner than I did then Beck had caged me in with his arms at either side of me. Surprised, I looked up into his silver eyes and I found I couldn’t read the thick of emotions settled there.

“Baby girl, you better get one thing straight right now,” he insisted. There was that new term of endearment again and I found my body coming to attention in a way it shouldn’t be for this man. “I am here because I choose to be. Protecting you and Cricket is not too much. It’s my calling.” I looked away from him, the conviction in his eyes too raw for the man who I had come to know as he implored me to accept his stance on the matter. The thing was, I was too tied up in my guilt for well, everything to accept the words he wanted me to heed. He cupped my cheek too gently, like he was dealing with a broken animal as he forced me to lift my gaze to his.

“Of all the charges I’ve taken over the years, this one means more to me than all the rest. I live to protect you,” he vowed. The admission made my heart ache not because of the vow to me and my daughter but to the fact that this man could offer this world so much more than just his protections to women who found themselves on the wrong side of male domination.

“That’s part of the problem, you define yourself, use your chivalry as a tether to give your life purpose, but that’s not living. Alley may be proud of you, but deep down if she really loved you, she would want you to truly live, even without her,” I told him. The emotions that flickered through that behemoth gaze of his I couldn’t fully read but I could tell I had struck the intended nerve. I wanted, no, I needed to break this man open, I had figured out why he had come to this calling, but I didn’t want this life for the selfless man before me, he deserved more.

“Don’t talk as if you knew her,” Beck growled out. I was pushing the bear quite literally, I knew it and so did he.

“Listen,” I implored him, gripping his hand placed against my car over my left shoulder and squeezed, willing him to hear me. This man was so caught up in his guilt I needed him to open his damn eyes. He blinked and looked down at me, clearly fighting the urge to throw my words away. “If everything was turned around and you had died in the same way, what would you have wanted for her, left here living a life without you?” I pushed the question. A war coursed in and out of existence in his eyes.

“You don’t have to tell me, it’s just something to think about.” I tried to ease the weight of those words. There was a war within the silver depths of his eyes before he shook it off.

“I’m not what’s important right now, why are you trying to delve where you are not wanted?

“Because regardless if you want me to care, I do,” I pointed out.

“I didn’t ask you to,” he said, pushing off of my car, clearly shoving what I said down to deal with later.

“I appreciate all you did for Adelaide, all you have done for me and Cricket, but as a friend I want to see you define yourself as you. Not what you have been through or whom you have saved. I want to know you, Beck. I need to know the man who wants to guild my daughter, not the chivalry he has labeled as his life since the tragic death of his mate. Cricket is full of life, she deserves better than a shadow of yourself,” I finally admitted. His eyes closed, letting that sink in. I interlaced my fingers over his and squeezed. Silver eyes opened. “You are fighting for me, and I am going to fight for you. You deserve to live beyond your vendetta. Until we are not the excuse you choose to live but the joy you find in living, I’ll keep fighting for you,” I promised. Emotions coursed through his features, and he let out a long breath.

“I appreciate your words, baby girl, but right now I need to check your car, because I’m not letting anybody touch my girls,” he said solemnly. I blinked, processing. He was putting those emotions on a back seat to what? Ensure our safety? I let my eyes lower but I gripped his jacket, needing to keep him close for just a moment. I didn’t mean to but my forehead rested against his chest for just a long enough toI breathed him in before I exhaled. “Okay,” was all I could muster, before I relaxed the grip that wanted to pull him into me. I let the term ‘my girls,’ bounce around in my head a moment before I resigned myself into helping him dig into every nook and cranny of my car as we searched for a tracker that didn’t exist. Seemed Negan was surprisingly a man of his word. We went back to the apartment and stood in the quietness for a moment.

“Thank you for everything,” I blurted out. Words couldn’t express what he was willing to do for us today. He showed me every bit of brutality he was willing to use for our safety.

“Don’t thank me for what men should do,” he replied, the response obviously grated into his morality. I saw it for what it was, why he did this over and over again. His guilt propelled him and my chest heaved. What a monumental weight that must be.

“Let’s go get Cricket,” he said simply. I just nodded, ducking my head in reverence to the man who placed himself between us and our demise. Tonight showed me everything I needed to know about his character and that just made my heart ache for the person I had come to know.