Chapter 40 Chapter 40
Emily's POV
I shouldn’t have gone. That was my first thought when I saw him waiting by the garden path. Lucas stood beneath the shade of an old oak tree, sleeves rolled neatly, his posture was relaxed but deliberate like everything about him had been thought through in advance and then executed perfectly. Everything Noah wasn’t. That should have been exactly what I wanted.
“You came,” Lucas said, a faint smile touching his lips when he saw me.
“I said I would.”
“You hesitated.”
I adjusted the strap of my bag on my shoulder. “I’ve had a long day.”
“That’s not what I meant.”
Of course it wasn’t. Nothing with Lucas ever stayed on the surface for long. He noticed too much, but he never pushed too hard. That was the difference. “Do you always analyze people this much?” I asked.
“Only the ones who are clearly overthinking something.”
I exhaled quietly. “That obvious?”
“Only if you’re paying attention.”
And he was. I stepped onto the path beside him, the gravel was crunching softly beneath our shoes as we began walking. The campus garden was quieter than the rest of Westview, it was less crowded. Just greenery, winding paths, and the distant sound of water from a fountain somewhere out of sight like a place where things could slow down. And maybe that’s why he brought me here.
“You’ve been avoiding my brother,” Lucas said after a moment.
I stiffened. “I’ve been busy.”
“You’re not a good liar.”
“I’m not lying.”
“You’re deflecting.”
I glanced at him. “Is this your version of small talk?”
He smiled faintly. “No. This is my version of noticing something that matters.”
I looked away towards the trees, towards anything that wasn’t him or Noah. “I’m handling it,” I said.
“That’s what people say when they’re not.”
“I am.”
“You’re controlling it.”
“That’s the same thing.”
“It’s not.”
I stopped walking and turned to face him. “Yes, it is,” I said, sharper than I had intended. “Control is how you handle things.”
Lucas studied me for a moment. “You don’t have to fight everything,” he said quietly.
“I’m not fighting.”
“You are.”
“I’m not.”
“You are,” he repeated, calm but certain. “Just not the right thing.”
“What does that even mean?” I asked.
“It means you’re putting all your energy into controlling the outcome instead of understanding the situation.”
“I understand the situation.”
“Do you?”
“Yes.”
“Then why do you look like you haven’t slept?” Because the truth wasn’t something I could say out loud without unraveling everything I was trying to hold together. Lucas softened. “Emily,” he said, more gently now, “You don’t have to explain it to me.”
“Good.”
“But you shouldn’t ignore it either.”
“I’m not ignoring anything.”
“You’re avoiding it.”
“I’m prioritizing.”
“That’s a nice way of saying the same thing.”
I let out a quiet breath of frustration. He was seeing through something I was trying very hard to keep contained. “I don’t have the luxury of… distraction,” I said.
“This isn’t a distraction.”
“It is if it interferes with my work.”
“Or it’s something you haven’t learned how to balance yet.”
“I don’t need balance,” I said. “I need focus.”
Lucas tilted his head. “You sound like you’re trying to convince yourself.”
“I’m not.”
“You are.”
I realized something. Talking to him was easy. Just walking beside him, holding a conversation that didn’t feel like it could unravel at any second. “You’re very disciplined,” he said.
“I have to be.”
“No. You choose to be.” he said.
“That’s not a choice.”
“It is.”
I shook my head. “It’s necessary.”
“For what?”
“My future.”
“And what does that future look like?”
“Stable,” I said immediately. “Successful. Controlled.”
He nodded slowly. “And where do people fit into that?”
I hesitated. “They don’t interfere.”
“That’s not what I asked.”
I looked at him. “What are you asking?”
“Where do you let people in?” I hadn’t thought about it. “You don’t,” he said quietly.
“That’s not true.”
“It is.”
“You don’t know that.”
“I do.”
“How?” I asked.
“Because you treat everything like it’s something that needs to be managed.”
“That’s because it does.”
“No,” he said. “Not everything.”
I exhaled. “You make it sound simple.”
“It’s not simple.”
“Then what is it?”
He stopped walking. I stopped too. He turned to face me fully. “It’s a choice,” he said. “Whether you let something affect you or whether you spend all your energy trying to control it.”
“I don’t have time to let things affect me.”
“You don’t have time not to.”
I frowned. “That doesn’t make sense.”
“It will.”
He didn’t explain, the words just sat there. We started walking again, more slower this time. I found myself relaxing, my shoulders dropped slightly, my thoughts weren’t racing quite as fast. I wasn't even thinking about Noah and the kiss.
“Thank you,” I said quietly.
“For what?” Lucas asked.
“For this.”
He glanced at me. “Walking?”
“For not making things complicated.”
He smiled faintly. “I’m not trying to make anything complicated.”
“That’s refreshing.”
“I’m sure it is.” We walked in silence for a few steps. “You deserve something steady,” he said.
I nodded. “I know.”
Lucas looked ahead with his hands in his pockets. “You don’t have to prove anything all the time,” he added.
“I’m not trying to prove anything.”
“You are.”
“I’m not.”
“You are,” he said softly. “Just not to other people.”
I looked at him. “What does that mean?”
“It means you’re trying to convince yourself that you’re in control.”
“I am in control.”
He didn’t argue, he just gave me a look that said he didn’t believe that. I wasn’t sure I did either. If I didn't give into any of this, then why did my mind keep drifting back to Noah and the kiss in a place that was supposed to feel safe?
“I should get back,” I said.
Lucas nodded. “Of course.”
We slowed near the edge of the garden where the noise of campus started to creep back in and everything became louder. “Thank you,” I said again.
“For what?”
“For understanding.”
He smiled. “I think you understand more than you want to admit.” I didn’t respond because he was right. “Take care of yourself, Emily,” he said.
“You too.”
We went separate ways. I walked back across campus alone. The noise was louder now. Students were talking. Phones were ringing. Life was moving like nothing had changed. Everything had changed for me.
I reached the steps of the main building and stopped, no matter how grounded I felt with Lucas and how easy that was, my mind kept going to Noah. I exhaled slowly before entering the building.