Chapter 35 Chapter 35
Noah's POV
The door clicked shut softly. It was louder than anything else in the apartment. I didn’t move from my spot or say anything. I didn’t go after her. I just stood there, exactly where she left me, staring at the space she had been standing in seconds ago like something might still be there if I looked long enough.
The air still felt charged, like it hadn’t caught up to the fact that she had walked away. My hand was still half-raised, like my body hadn’t fully accepted that the moment was over. I dragged a hand down my face and exhaled slowly, the breath heavier than it should have been.
“Yeah,” I muttered to no one. “That went well.”
I let my hand drop and turned towards the kitchen, grabbing the water bottle off the counter more out of habit than need. The plastic crinkled slightly under my grip as I twisted the cap open and took a long drink, but that didn’t help. The only thing in my head was her. It was like I could still feel her hand trembled under mine. She didn’t pull away.
I leaned back against the counter and stared at the ceiling for a second, letting that sink in because there was no pretending anymore.
“You matter more.” I closed my eyes briefly. I meant that.
I pushed off the counter and started pacing. “Great,” I muttered. “Now I pacing.” I ran a hand through my hair, the tension sitting too tight under my skin to ignore.
Because now what? That was the question. What happens after that? After she looks at you like that. After you say something like that. After she walks away because she wants you too.
She didn’t leave because she didn’t feel anything, she left because she did feel it. This changes everything. I stopped pacing and looked down the hallway. Her door was closed. There was no sounds of any movement. I wouldn't push it, if I pushed now, I would break it. Whatever this was.
I crossed lines just to see where they were. But this was different, like if I pushed too hard, she would shut down completely and I didn’t want that. I didn’t want her to retreat back into that controlled, distant version of herself that kept everything at arms length.
I walked over to the sofa and sat down, leaning forward with my elbows on my knees, staring at the floor. There was no room to pretend that this was still just part of the arrangement. It wasn’t. It hadn’t been for a while. We had just ignored it.
Here we were, sitting on opposite sides of a wall, pretending we were fine. I huffed a quiet breath. “This is a mess.”
I leaned back into the sofa and ran my hands over my face, trying to reset something that didn’t want to reset. I didn’t regret any second of it. She was feeling something that mirrored exactly what I felt. That was where it got complicated, this was supposed to be temporary, we signed this on paper. It was something that would end when we finish the deal. She gets her recommendation. I fix my image and we both move on. That was the plan. So why did it feel like that plan didn’t exist anymore?
I stared at the ceiling again. There was no going back from this. “You’re screwed, man.” Sean’s voice echoed in my head from days ago. He wasn’t wrong for once.
I sat up and leaned forward again, resting my forearms on my thighs, staring down the hallway, at her door that was still closed, she was right there and I wasn’t with her. She walked away and I let her. That was the part that felt strange, that I let her and I didn't chase after her. I knew she needed that space more than I needed to close it. That wasn’t something I was used to doing when I got a girl for a fun night. Respecting boundaries without testing them wasn't what I did either. But here I was, doing exactly that.
I leaned back again, letting my head fall against the sofa, my eyes closing for a second to just breathe and think, to feel something that wasn’t this constant tension under my skin but it didn’t work, because the second I closed my eyes, she was there.
I opened my eyes again and stared at the ceiling. “Yeah,” I muttered. “Not going away anytime soon.” Not ever at this point. And that was the part that finally settled in with certainty. This wasn’t something that was going to fade, and it wasn’t something I could ignore until it went away. That changed everything.
I sat there for a long time just existing in the aftermath, In the space between what we were supposed to be and what we were becoming. This was a line we crossed without realizing it until it was already behind us.
I finally stood up and walked down the hallway. I stopped in front of her door. My hand was hovering for a second, just thinking what I should do, but then I dropped my hand, letting out a heavy breath. I stepped back, because if I knocked, if she opened that door, if we stood face to face again, I wasn’t sure if I would stop and neither would she. We weren’t ready for that.
So I turned around and walked back down the hallway, leaving the space between us exactly where it was, it was unresolved. I leaned against the wall, staring at nothing in particular, just how badly I wanted her. Now I wasn’t sure how to let her go. Who was I kidding jsut to stand here in the hallway, hoping that she would come out of her bedroom, she must be in bed, and asleep right now. I shouldn't push this further tonight. Maybe I should just sleep on it, maybe by tomorrow I...we would feel different about this situation.