Chapter 31 Chapter 31
Noah's POV
The gym was empty when I got there. It was way too early for most of the team, and late for the casual crowd. This should’ve been the perfect place to clear my head, but it wasn't.
I dropped my bag near the bench and rolled my shoulder slowly, testing the range. It was better than before, it felt stronger and stable now. Emily would’ve approved, that thought came automatically.
I grabbed a resistance band and started the warm-up she drilled into me which was controlled movement, steady engagement, and no shortcuts. “Engage your scapula.” Her voice echoed from across the room.
I tightened the movement and adjusted the angle. I corrected myself before she even needed to be here and that was the problem. She didn’t need to be here and yet she was still here, she was everywhere.
I exhaled sharply and pulled harder on the band. The tension snapped back against my control, it didn't hurt me though but I needed to slow down. “Don’t force it.”
Yeah. I could hear that too.
I dropped the band and shook out my arm. This wasn’t about my shoulder. I walked over to the weights, grabbing a lighter set than I would’ve before the injury. That annoyed me but not as much as everything else.
I sat down and started the first set. I tried to be in control and focused, well, I tried to be but that didn't work. My brain kept on replaying about yesterday when she was standing in the kitchen, her arms crossed with eyes that were sharp.
“You bring women home, but I can’t have a conversation?”
I didn’t have an answer that didn’t make me look like an idiot. I just kept on pushing through another rep faster and sloppier this time and then I stopped.
I reset before I started again but slower and better. “You don’t get to dictate who I talk to.”
I dropped the weights onto my thighs and leaned forward, elbows on my knees. She was right again, but this was getting old. I dragged a hand over my face.
What was I doing?
I wasn’t the guy who got worked up over who someone else was talking to. I wasn’t the guy who walked into a room and made things tense for no reason. I wasn’t the guy who stood too close, said too much, pushed too far just to get a reaction out of a girl. Now I was doing all of that because of her. I liked the way she looked at me when I crossed a line and when she tried to stay composed even when she wasn’t. Also when she would step back like she didn’t trust herself. Now, my mind drifted off to last night when she mentioned that this wasn't real.
I let out a quiet laugh, she was correct that this wasn't real because it was only a deal, a performance we are putting up, a carefully structured arrangement to fix my image and get her what she needed. That’s all it was.
So why did it feel like this was something else?
I stood up again and moved to the cable machine, adjusting the weight before starting another set. I pulled and held on, before releasing. I was controlling it like she taught me.
“You feel it too.”
The words came back to me, my words. She hadn’t answered, she didn't deny it either. When I got close, leaned in, or said something just a little too personal, she reacted. That was enough to keep me going. I didn't just notice anymore, I was looking for it.
I finished the set and stepped back, rolling my shoulder again, it was still good. At least something was working the way it was supposed to.
“Wow.”
I didn’t turn around. Sean’s voice carried too easily in empty spaces. “You’re here early.”
“I could say the same thing.”
“I have discipline,” he said. “You have… whatever this is.”
I grabbed a towel and wiped the back of my neck. “It’s called training.”
“It’s called overthinking.”
I glanced at him. “I don’t overthink.”
“You’re literally staring at a wall like it insulted you.”
“I’m resting between sets.”
“Sure.”
He dropped his bag and leaned against the machine beside me. “So,” he said casually, “You and Emily.”
I froze but kept on moving. “There is no ‘me and Emily.’”
He snorted. “That’s adorable.”
“It’s accurate.”
“It’s denial.”
“It’s reality.”
“It’s not even close.”
I grabbed the water bottle and took a long drink, avoiding his stare. Sean watched me for a second. “You like her.” I choked slightly on the water, coughing hard. “Relax,” he said. “I didn’t say you’re in love.”
“I don’t like her.”
“You do.”
“I don’t.”
“You really want to keep repeating that?” he asked because I like this part when it comes to repeating things and getting reactions out of people.
I glared at him. “You’re wrong.”
He shrugged. “Then explain yesterday.”
I didn’t respond. Every version of it word sound worse if I had to say it out loud.
Sean tilted his head. “Explain why you looked like you were about to commit a felony when she was talking to that doctor.”
“I didn’t look like that.”
“You absolutely did.”
“I was fine.”
“You were not fine.”
“I was-”
“You were jealous.” F^ck.
I looked away. “That’s not-”
“It is.”
“It’s not jealousy.”
“Then what is it?”
I opened my mouth but closed it again, because what if I was jealous?
Sean waited. “I didn’t like it,” I finally said.
He nodded. “Yeah.”
“That doesn’t mean-”
“It means exactly what you think it means.”
“No, it doesn’t.”
“It does. You like her. Bad.”
I let out a short breath. “This is temporary.”
“So?”
“It’s not real.”
“So?”
“It’s part of a deal.”
“So?”
“Sean.”
“What?”
“It’s complicated.”
“No,” he said. “You’re making it complicated.”
I stared at him. “How?”
“By pretending this is something it’s not.”
“And what is it?”
He smiled slightly. “Simple.”
“It’s not simple.”
“It is.”
“How?”
“You like her,” he said. “She reacts to you. There’s tension. There’s chemistry. It’s obvious.”
“It’s not obvious.”
“It is to everyone except you.”
I ran a hand through my hair. “This isn’t supposed to happen.”
“And yet it is.”
“That doesn’t mean I should do anything about it.”
“That’s exactly what it means.”
“No, it’s not.”
“Then what are you going to do?” He asked.
I hesitated. What could I even do? Because it would just mean that I would be choosing something. “She said it’s not real,” I said.
Sean shrugged. “Then make it real.”
I looked at him. “That’s not how this works.”
“That’s exactly how it works.”
“She doesn’t want that.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes.”
“Because from what I’ve seen, she’s not exactly unaffected.” He said.
I didn’t respond because he was right about that, I saw it too.... and I felt it. “She’s fighting it,” I said.
“So?”
“So I shouldn’t push it.”
Sean raised an eyebrow. “Since when do you back off from a challenge?”
“That’s not what this is.”
“Then what is it?”
I exhaled slowly, frustration was building up towards him and basically at everything. “This matters,” I said. The words came out before I could stop them.
Sean went quiet. “You just answered your own question,” he said.
I looked away because I didn’t like how true that felt and what that meant. The deal didn't matter, the real thing mattered to me. She mattered to me.
I grabbed the weights again and started another set harder this time. “You’re going to reinjure yourself if you keep doing that,” Sean said.
“I’m fine.”
“You’re not.”
“I said I’m fine.” I said through gritted teeth.
I finished the set and dropped the weights. The sound echoed across the room and then I just stood there, catching my breath and just thinking, trying to make sense of something that didn’t feel simple anymore, this wasn’t just about liking her or the attraction and tension between us. It was about everything.
I picked up the towel and wiped my hands. Now, I will stop fighting it and stop pretending. I will stop denying it when it was already obvious.
Sean watched me carefully. “You figured it out yet?” he asked.
I nodded once. “Yeah.”
“And?” He pushed.
I looked at him for a brief second before looking away. “I’m not backing off.” My eyes landed on him again.
Sean grinned. “Finally.”
I grabbed my bag. “Don’t make it weird.”
“It’s already weird.”
“Shut up.”
He laughed but I didn't join him in laughter because was no longer a joke. I will not ignore this anymore.