Chapter 47: not enough but just right

“You don’t understand,” I said. My voice was sharper than I intended.

Klaus looked at me confused.

“Then make me understand, tessa”

Gosh the way he said my name.

“This just doesn’t feel right anymore”

“Why because your mom caught us expressing our feelings in action?”

“No” my voice was low “that’s part of it but–”

“But what?” Klaus sounded genuinely worried as he stared out at me with that look in his eyes. You know– that ‘girl you’re speaking in parables’ look.

I looked away, running a hand through my hair.

I didn’t think this through. I didn't think last night through and now I was thinking too much.

“I just can’t shake the feeling that this might not be right… that–”my voice cracked “that one day you’re just going to wake up and realise that i am not enough and no matter what happens or how hard i tried–” i paused “it’s just not going to be enough”

Silence.

I turned to face him and he looked at me like I had grown horns, wings and a tail.

I wanted to scream, SAY SOMETHING! But the silence stretched for a few seconds before he burst into a sharp, disbelieving laugh.

My eyebrows etched and another feeling stirred in me– slight annoyance and irritation.

“What’s so funny about what I said?” I said, both my hands on my waists and my expression resembles that of an angry dog owner whose dog already pissed on her bed.

He didn't reply. Just stared at me like I was a cartoon character misplaced in the real world.

“What exactly is so funny, Klaus?” I asked again.

“You” he finally replied, shaking his head slightly.

I tilted my head to the side “excuse me?”

“You snuck out of your house at night” he started “stole a bike, rode all the way to my house, confessed your feelings like the most certain thing in the world–”

My chest tightened.

“And even after i pushed you way, you still stayed and” his eyes softened “you made me realise i am not too broken to love you”

That got to me. I felt an entire flock of birds dancing on my insides.

“And now” he gestured between us “you’re standing here telling me it won’t work?”

Words failed me because I could swear I had a comeback a few minutes ago but now I suddenly have five minutes of amnesia.

I mean, when he explained it like that–

“I just–” I started but he cut me off.

“No”  his voice wasn't loud or angry or threatening, just firm and certain. “You don’t get to do that”

I blinked.

“What?”

“You don’t get to decide that for me” he said "You don't get to walk in, turn everything upside down , shatter every bit of defense i have against expressing the way I feel about you–” he paused, his voice dropped slightly “-and then back out because you’re scared"

My heart stopped.

“I’m not–”

“You are” there was hurt in his eyes and i instantly felt like a bitch “and thats not fair considering i tried not to feel this way but you made me realise i should”

“I pushed you away but you still stuck to me, you still stayed”

I remained quiet.

“And now you’re doing the same thing to me?”

I looked down at my hands.

He moved closer and held my hands.

“You don’t have to be enough , Tessa” he said quietly and I looked up meeting his gaze. “You’re just right”

Monday came faster than expected but I wasn't mad about it. I mean everything felt just right.

See what I did there?

Yes everything that happened during the weekend was a bit overwhelming and hard to process but that was okay too.

I stood in front of the school building but I didn't see my school anymore. I saw a battlefield and you will understand that in a minute… or two.

“Why do you look like you’re about to write an exam you didn’t study for?” Maya asked as we walked down the halls together.

Every confidence I had in me had transformed to fear and anxiety as I stepped into the halls. There will be whispers and stares and everything.

“I don’t think I'm ready for this”.

I could tell a lot of people didn't recognise due to my steady change in body structure over the few months. I wouldn't call it a weight loss stage per say, i preferred the term, healing and becoming healthy again stage.

“Relax girl, you already passed the ‘kiss the hot guy and survive your mom’s test’ phase , whatever happens now will be cake”

I shot her a look and then as if on cue, Veronica, Julie and some girls appeared from literally nowhere and blocked our path.

Not these bitches again.

“Well if it isn’t the unwanted bitch who decided to fit in” veronica started as usual. Always the one bickering.

Julie laughed “fit in?” her tone was mocking “more like begged to, i mean look at you girl” she gestured towards my… me “how hard was it for you to stay away from all that yummy grease and fat huh?” she paused and pulled out something from her bag “you did well and thats why i personally brought a bag of greasy pastries to award your efforts”

She threw the bag at me and it landed at my feet.

I had a stern disgusted look on my face but i didn’t respond, i was about to walk away when–

“Pick it up and eat it” I heard a familiar voice from behind. I turned to meet Klaus in his regular black on black and his hair slightly messier than the last time I saw him.

Damn he looked hot.

He walked towards me and faced Julie. “Do not make me repeat myself”

Veronica was shaking like she was holding in a piss while Julie folded her arms and squinted her eyes.

“Whats it to you huh” she stepped forward “why dont you mind your business and run along”

Veronica was already shifting to the side. She knew one wrong move or one wrong look could cost her part in the play she just got suspended from. Julie on the other hand had nothing to lose.

“This is my business" his voice was low and dangerous.

“All i did was bring good pasties for her because she looked like she needed some, i was just being nice” tears welled up in her eyes.

Fake tears. Was she really playing the victim now?

Everybody had now gathered in the halls, surrounding us in a circle like a live movie was playing. Some had their phones out recording, others murmuring to their friends and the rest just watched.

Klaus didn't bulge. “If they’re so good then why can’t you eat them?” he said.

I tried to signal him to let it go. It really wasn’t a big deal.

“I–” she started but he cut her off before she could put a sentence together.

“Pick it up and eat”

silence.

I could see the fear in Julie's eyes.