Chapter 17: change not drift

I stood at the bus stop with my bag hanging loosely from my shoulder as cars passed by in a blur. Kluas’ sudden change really did a number on me.

“Hey”

I turned immediately. Ethan jogged a few steps towards my direction with a bright smile on his face.

“Hi ethan” I forced a smile, he titled his head to the side as though he could see through the fake smile. “Shall we?” I said and waited for him to lead the way.

“We don't need to take the bus to my place” he said rubbing the back of his head “it isn't that far”

I nodded and we started walking.

After a minute, he cleared his throat and i could tell his palms were sweaty when he spoke, “i heard you singing today”

I stopped “you what?”

His face turned red as he ran a hand through his hair. “I didn't mean to , I was passing by the auditorium” he shrugged “your voice is… tessa, its beautiful”

Heat crept up my neck and i smiled “thanks”

The walk was silent for a while. Then Ethan took a sudden u turn towards an ice cream truck with terrible music but somehow calming. He went over,bought two cones and handed one to me – the chocolate flavour.

I looked at the ice cream cone and memories came flooding. Stella used to love chocolate ice cream and because I loved Stella, I didn't have any other flavour, just chocolate.

A single tear drop escaped my eyes.

“Are you alright?” Ethan said two worried eyebrows etched on his forehead

I nodded but he could see right through me. He smiled and gestured towards a stranded swing in an abandoned playground. Without another word, we moved and sat on the swing.

We were quiet for almost 30 minutes enjoying the natural breeze and the smell of grass.

“Your mood has been kind of weird lately” ethan started “mind sharing what's bothering you?”

“My sister used to love chocolate ice cream” i said without looking up

“Used to?” Ethan asked but it felt like he already knew the answer. I shook my head "I'm so sorry”

“It's fine” I sighed and swung away.

“You’ve been spacing out lately,forgetting things…  what exactly is going on”.

I fell silent and took a deep breath

“I just..” i hesitated “i feel a bit  distant lately from everyone i used to cling to, from people that made me feel happy… that made life happen for me”

He didn't interrupt.

“I feel absent and I'm not even trying to be”the wind brushed past us “the feeling is familiar and its not a good kind of familiar” i said softly “ like when my sister died, it felt like the world closed up on me and i was just.. Stuck inside”

My throat tightened

“And I honestly thought that phase of my life was officially over” my voice broke followed by tears “but these days i swear its like im drifting again and i dont know why”

My hands  tightened on my laps as I lowered my head  trying to hide the tears pouring down my face. I didn't plan to say anything, let alone cry like a baby in front of Ethan.

A part of my brain started to plan a way to disappear into the ground when I felt his warm, steady hands gently covering mine.

I lifted my head. He smiled. Not a pity smile but a warm,soft smile.

“Here” he pulled out a small face towel from his pocket and carefully wiped the tears from my cheeks– they turned red.

“You’re not drifting” he said , his voice was calm “you’re changing and that's not the same thing.

I sniffed letting out a shaky breath.

“Because right now?” he continued “i know how hard you're trying every day , how hard you're fighting instead of hiding from them”

He wiped the last tear from under my eyes and smiled yet again. That ever bright smile.

“And for the record” he added with a small grin “people who are drifting  don't usually stand up to terrifying theatre leads in front of half the entire school”

I laughed weakly and he handed the towel to me. “Here keep it” he said “in case algebra makes you cry too”

We both let out a laugh.

After a few minutes' walk, we arrived at Ethan's house and it was definitely not what i was expecting. It was a freaking mansion.

“You live here” i said amazed

He rubbed the back of his hair as though he was shy “umm it's my uncle’s place. He travels alot so i stay here sometimes”

“Your parents?”

“Out of town” he replied quickly, leading me to where I could sit.

He seemed nervous but I figured maybe I was the first girl he ever brought home so I didn't mind. He offered to get me a drink but I kindly refused.

We settled at the dining table and started the lesson. It felt easier today – like I was finally listening to the explanations and getting it right.

I was thrilled at how easier it became when you're not spacing out.

Then –

A loud metallic sound echoed from somewhere behind the house. I froze and Ethan looked up.

“What's that?” I asked

“The garage is out back but no one is supposed to come in for at least another week”

“What if someone just broke in” i said and stood up “ill check”

“Tessa —”

I ignored and pushed open the door gently. I spotted a motorcycle parked in the drive way.

Black.sleek.familiar

My heart dropped.