The doctor was finally approaching.
The quick brief glance I took at my wristwatch made me realize I'd been waiting for about an hour.
My head was a mess, racing faster than a cheetah chasing its prey.
Oh God, calm down, I told myself.
“Please let it be negative, please, please let it be negative” Literally frea-ing out, I murmured under my breaths, my words barely audible.
“Ms. Wills, I hope I didn’t keep you waiting too long,” Dr. Dawson said, his smile making me uncomfortable. Why the smile??
I breathed out a shaky breath, hoping to calm myself.
Deep breathes Sam. You got this.
"Not at all, Doc," I said, attempting a smile. "It wasn't that long..."
"Well, congratulations, Mrs. Wills." His smile grew as he gave me a tiny envelope.
My breath hung in my throat. No, God, no. I quickly conposed myself, swallowing hard.
"What do you mean, Dr. Dawson?" I asked, my heart pumping hard.
"You're six weeks pregnant, Mrs. Wills," he stated.
It seemed like time stopped, and the world began spinning.
Fuck!
My eyes darted about, reflecting my anxiousness. I gathered my resolve and pulled myself together.
Breathe, I reminded myself, willing myself to stay composed. Not here. Not now.
Forcing a big, fake smile, I hoped the doctor wouldn't notice the strain behind it.
"Thank you, Dr. Dawson," I said,“This is certainly unexpected.”
“Congratulations, Mrs. Wills! It's good news,” he replied, clearly unaware of the storm that's raging in my mind.
My heart hammered in my chest, as I muttered my thanks and gathered the papers he handed me.
A slow exhale tried to steady my trembling fingers as I signed the forms, all the while thoughts racing through my mind like a runaway train.
The doctor continued to talk about antenatal registration and other details. He seemed ready for a longer conversation, but I wasn't. I hurriedly wrapped things up and rushed out of the reception area and made hastily for the hospital exit.
The moment I got into my car, I broke down. Fuck! How did I let this happen? My heart raced and my hands trembled. I tried to calm down, but nothing worked.
I tried taking deep breaths, but it didn’t make the fear go away.
I needed to get home, fast.
My hands moved over the engine, ready to turn on the car and speed away. But I froze, confused.. or scared?
Scared of how Tyler would react? The heartache it would cost me? The pain?
I quickly wiped up the tear that was threatening to fall off my eyes taking a deep breath.
Slowly I opened the envelope that contained the result and it stared back at me. It was right there, Positive. I was pregnant.
As my gaze drifted to the busy New York street, my mind wandered to what could’ve been. This news should’ve been a cause for celebration, for excitement.
A culmination of our love.
Yes, it was an arranged marriage between us, but somehow, we’d fallen in love… or so I thought.
Had it all been an act? Was the trust, the connection, just a fake?
I closed my eyes, fighting back another wave of tears.
Squeezing the paper in my hands, I gathered my resolve..I knew I had to tell Tyler, no matter how he’d react.
Marriage with Tyler at the beginning wasn't really smooth. Before my dad abandoned my late mom and me, he had married me off to Tyler because of a promise he made to Tyler's father after his investment in our company.
I declined at first but had to choice than to later agree.
Life with Tyler wasn't as bad as I imagined, it was actually decent, especially after our first night together.
We found a rhythm, a strange kind of comfort in each other's presence.
It was far from a fairy tale, but it worked..or again, so I thought?
But recently, things had shifted. Tyler had changed, especially after the recent business trip he went on with his new secretary, Julie, he had become distant and cold. He wasn’t the same man I had grown accustomed to.
Our once peaceful, if not perfect, marriage felt like it was on the brink of collapse.
Now, sitting in the car with the test results on my lap, the gravity of the situation struck me hard.
How did we get here?
My fingers shook as I grasped the envelope, the word "Positive" gazing back at me, mocking my expectation of a different response.
A rush of nuasea swept over me, not only from the pregnancy, but also from the fear of what was to follow.
I couldn't predict Tyler's response. Will he be happy? Angry? Indifferent?
The uncertainty gnawed at me, making it kinda hard to breathe.
I brushed away the tears that had escaped and took a long breath, attempting to calm myself.
The prospect of returning home to confront him was like stepping into a heavy rain without an umbrella.
But I needed to tell him. There was no dodging this convo.
No matter how scary it was, I couldn't hide this from Tyler.
I had just started my car, getting ready to drive home, when my phone buzzed.
It was from my bestfriend Annie, her name glared at me daring me to pick up and let this weight off but I thought twice about picking it.
I couldn't face her right now. She'd see through me, straight into the chaos that was tearing me apart.
So I put the phone down, letting the call go unanswered. The silence felt louder than the ringing, like the calm before a storm.
Just as I was trying to find some peace, the phone buzzed again.
“Hey blockhead. Why wouldn’t you pick up? Call me, it’s important!”
Annie’s text message flashed on the screen, demanding my attention.
I let out a sigh. It was no use. Annie was persistent, and I knew she wouldn’t give up easily.
But how could I possibly explain what was happening when I barely understood it myself?
And Ann said it was important.. What could be important?