Chapter 40
“Stop!” she cried, her voice rising in urgency as she pushed him away harder, feeling panic surge within her. “I can’t do this. I won’t be your dirty secret again.”
In one swift motion, she slapped him across the face, the sound echoing in the charged silence of the room. Luca froze, his eyes widening in shock, the playful glint replaced with a serious, contemplative look.
For a brief moment, they both lay still, the air heavy with the aftermath of her action. Amber’s heart raced as she stared at the ceiling, the adrenaline coursing through her as she fought to regain control of her racing thoughts. Luca was silent beside her, his breathing heavy and uneven as he struggled with the physical aftermath of their passionate encounter, his arousal still palpable in the air between them.
Finally, he broke the silence, his voice low and filled with remorse. “I… I’m sorry,” he admitted, his tone sincere as he glanced at her. “I probably deserved that slap.”
Amber swallowed hard, biting back the words that formed on the edge of her tongue. Yes, he deserved that slap—every bit of it, and maybe even more for the ache he kept reopening inside her, like a wound that refused to heal. But she kept her silence, holding the words in, even as fresh tears pricked at the corners of her eyes, threatening to spill. She couldn’t afford to let him see just how much he’d gotten to her, not again.
The bitterness bubbled up, hot and sharp, laced with a familiar frustration and a helpless kind of anger. How many times had she told herself she was done with him? How many times had she promised herself she wouldn’t let him back in, only to feel that resolve crumble whenever he came near? A voice inside her cursed him for doing this to her again, drawing her back into his orbit like a helpless thing. And damn her own heart, too—damn it for betraying her, for still wanting him despite everything he’d put her through.
She blinked, forcing back the tears that blurred her vision.
A shiver of pain and regret ran through her, mingling with the traces of longing that still clung to her skin like a faint echo. She could feel the warmth of his hands on her wrists, the way he’d held her just moments ago, and it took everything in her not to remember how good that touch had once felt, how safe she’d once thought she was with him.
“I just…” he hesitated, running a hand through his hair, clearly trying to gather his thoughts. “I didn’t mean to cross a line. I just….”
As the silence lingered, he glanced down at the remnants of her nighty, the fabric now torn and exposing more skin than she was comfortable with. “Did I hurt you?” he asked softly, concern washing over his features as he reached out tentatively, fingers brushing against the torn edge of the fabric.
Amber felt a mix of emotions surge within her—anger, regret, and something that resembled longing. She shook her head slowly, trying to maintain her composure despite the chaotic whirlwind of feelings. “No, I’m fine,” she replied, her voice steady despite the tremor that ran through her. “But I won’t be part of this anymore. We need to talk.”
Luca nodded, his expression shifting from desire to a contemplative. “Okay,” he said quietly, leaning back slightly to create a respectful distance. “Let’s talk.”
The tension in the room shifted, the intensity of the moment giving way to a weird kind of suffocating silence. Despite what had just almost happened. Amber knew that hadn’t crossed half the problems that still lay within them.
Amber sat on the edge of the master bed, her heart still racing from the charged encounter they had just shared. The torn fabric of her nighty clung to her skin, a constant reminder of the heat that had engulfed them moments before. She felt exposed, both physically and emotionally, as she watched Luca settle into a chair across the room. And maybe it was that that, made him choose to sit away from her, giving her a little space.
Luca looked different now. The desire that had ignited his gaze earlier was replaced by a somber sadness, the weight of his decisions pressing down on him like an anchor. He ran a hand through his hair, glancing away as if trying to gather his thoughts before sharing them. Amber felt a knot form in her stomach, unsure of what he was going to say but knowing that this was his chance.
Luca’s voice broke the silence, soft and raw, laced with an honesty that Amber hadn’t heard from him in what felt like years. He ran a hand through his hair, exhaling heavily before he looked at her, his gaze steady but filled with a vulnerability she’d rarely seen.
“I’m sorry for what just happened,” he said, his voice low. “The truth is… the way we spent today—walking through town, with Nico, having lunch at your favorite restaurant, sharing smiles… being together—it brought out something in me I didn’t even realize I was missing.” He paused, swallowing as if gathering the courage to say what came next. “I’d never had that in my life before, and I hadn’t known just how much I wanted it—needed it—until today. Being with you, with Nico… it felt like a piece of my heart fell into place.”
Amber’s breath caught in her throat. Her hand moved instinctively to her mouth as she tried to process his words. Luca’s gaze didn’t waver, his eyes holding hers with a quiet determination as he continued.
“I want that, Amber,” he said, his voice thick with emotion. “I want my family back. I want you. And I want Nico. I want all of us together.” He took a shaky breath, the weight of his confession hanging in the air, thick and heavy. “That’s what I realized today—when we were laughing, walking side by side. For the first time in so long, I felt whole. And maybe that’s why I… that’s why I lost control just now, forgot where I stood. That you were no longer mine to touch.”
Amber’s lips parted in a silent gasp, her heart hammering in her chest. She opened her mouth to respond, but the words caught, as if tangled in a knot that refused to unravel. She searched his face, her own shock mirrored in his pained expression.
He watched her, patiently, letting her absorb his words, not pressing her, simply waiting.
“When I kissed you, it was as if… as if I was still living in that dream,” he admitted, his voice barely above a whisper. “It was selfish, and reckless, and maybe I hoped you might feel what I felt. I forgot myself, forgot that you… that you weren’t mine anymore. And I didn’t mean to disrespect you like that.”
Amber’s voice trembled with anger as she leaned in, her words biting and raw. “And what about Carlotta? What about your engagement, Luca?” Her tone was sharp, slicing through the intimacy that had settled between them. She was shouting now, her patience spent, her emotions spilling over.
Luca’s expression softened, his gaze somber as he met her eyes with a look of quiet resignation. “The engagement is off,” he said simply, his voice steady but carrying an undeniable weight. “We both decided that we weren’t right for each other and that we couldn’t go through with the wedding.”
Amber’s breath hitched, her mind spinning as she struggled to grasp the reality of his words. “What?” she managed to say, her voice barely more than a whisper.
He continued, his gaze dropping from her face to her hands, as if the words he was about to say were too difficult to share while looking directly at her. “You… just a few days ago, you told me you loved her. That you were going to marry her.” She shook her head, confusion flashing in her eyes. “I don’t understand…”
“Ah, love… It’s strange, really,” he murmured, a wistful note entering his voice. He sighed deeply, his gaze drifting down, as if searching for an answer that was still eluding him. “There must be a billion kinds of love in the world. And I do love Carlotta. I’ll probably always love her.” He paused, a hint of sadness shadowing his expression. “But how small, how insignificant that love feels when I’m around you. I don’t see it until you’re right there, standing beside her, shining so brilliantly, so undeniably like a star, that I can’t see anything else.”
Amber was quiet, caught off guard by the vulnerability in his words. Luca glanced down, gathering his thoughts before continuing. His voice was softer now, almost reverent, and his shoulders slumped under the weight of what he was about to reveal.
“When you left,” he began, swallowing hard, “she was there. Always there, giving me a shoulder to cry on. She’d just sit and listen to me talk about you, even when all I did was plan how I’d… well, how I’d wring your neck when I saw you again.” He chuckled softly, a touch of bitterness laced in his voice. “She listened to every complaint, every broken-hearted ramble. Sometimes, she didn’t say anything at all. She just stayed, patient, always willing to absorb all the pain I threw her way.”
Amber saw a flicker of guilt flash across his face as he spoke. “I suppose it was my family’s doing as much as hers. They thought maybe, if she stayed close, I’d eventually see her differently. Her family hoped the same, I think,” he said, shaking his head with a rueful smile. “They wanted to see us together, to have us forget old heartbreaks and settle into something familiar and comfortable.”
Luca took a shaky breath, running a hand through his hair before letting his gaze drift to the window, as though the memory itself was too raw, too personal to fully meet her eyes. "You know, at first, when I started taking Carlotta out as my plus-one to those galas, those high-society events… my only thought was that you would definitely see those photos in the papers. You’d see us together, see me smiling beside her, and it would hurt you,” he said, voice low and intense, as though admitting a painful secret. He let out a bitter chuckle. “I wanted it to hurt you twice as much as it hurt me when you left."
Luca turned to her, his eyes blazing with a mixture of regret and lingering resentment. “I remember how jealous you used to be,” he said, his voice almost soft, as though he were speaking to a cherished memory. “You were this jealous, fierce little thing who’d run to pluck out the eyes of any poor woman who so much as looked at me twice. And God, I loved it,” he admitted, letting out a humorless laugh. “The way you’d go storming up to anyone, ready to defend what was yours. It… it made me feel special, like I was this one-of-a-kind prize you’d do anything to protect.” He let his head fall back against the chair, closing his eyes as though he were reliving the thrill of it all. “I’m probably not right in the head for admitting it.”
The bitterness in his laugh faded, replaced by a somber tone as he continued. "I thought, if you found out that I was trying to get back together with Carlotta… if you thought I might actually be serious about her, you’d feel something again. Jealousy, anger—anything. Anything to give me a reason to believe you still cared.” His voice faltered for a moment. “I thought… maybe you’d feel even the tiniest bit of the pain I was feeling. And maybe, just maybe, it would give me the courage to come and try to fix things.”
He fell silent, staring at his hands, as though he were trying to gather the courage to keep speaking. “So I waited, and I waited. I thought you’d storm into one of those events, call me out, or pull me aside—anything even a message, an email -to show that it bothered you. But you did nothing.” His voice cracked slightly as he let out a shaky breath, his gaze dropping to the floor, pain flickering in his eyes. “Nothing. You were so… composed, like I meant nothing to you anymore.”