She dissolved into his embrace, pulling him tighter to her, tears filling her throat and spilling out from underneath her closed eyelids.
"You remember."
It had been only one night, yet it felt like forever.
She hoped something like this would never happen again. It was too much for her to bear.
"I am so sorry. You are so important to me. How could I have forgotten you? How---" his voice trailed off and his arms tightened around her. "Oh, by Ignas, how? I love you."
"I love you too and it's not your fault." She paused slightly, "you remember now."
He pulled away after her, checking her all over as words of worry tumbled out of his mouth.
Her eyelids shot open, it was more than pleasing to be able to see his face again.
"How are you? Do you feel fine? Are you alright?"
"I'm alright, Eli."
He nodded, sighing in relief.
"I had to leave. I apologize for not being by your side when you woke up, I really wanted to wait---"
She shook her head and smiled. "I understand."
What was he apologizing for?
He had done nothing wrong. She was just so happy that his memory loss didn't go on for too long. She wasn't sure she would have been able to live through it, him treating her like a stranger would have wreaked her heart to the point that it would stop beating.
It would have been too much, she wouldn't have survived it.
"Did you get my letter?" His hand cupped her cheek and she pressed that side of her face into his touch affectionately, his leather glove smooth against her skin.
"I did."
His eyes turned glassy, as he remembered the dizzy image of her charging into the den at his moment of total surrender.
"Thank you for coming back for me."
"Thank you for saving me."
He opened his mouth to say something at that moment but a thought struck him at her words.
Saving...
That word reminded him of Kestra.
Reminded him of what he was about to do.
A chilly breeze ran through his back, through his robe and he felt like he had been tossed into a bucket of ice.
"Oh, no. By Ignas I," he started mumbling, like he had gone insane. "I was about to do something, I was about to ruin us, I was about to---" he paused, looking squarely at her, as his heart raced.
He fell to his knees, his face to her feet.
"Forgive me."
"Eli?"
It was concerning to see him like that. She had never seen him like that before.
As much as she was used to Eli apologizing anytime he sensed that he had done something wrong, his falling to his knees, was on a whole different level entirely.
Eli was a King and Kings did not just fall to their knees and beg for forgiveness.
It made her scared.
What had he done?
She moved away slightly, crouched down, and placed her hands on his shoulders.
"What is it?"
"Something bad," he raised his head, his eyes glimmering with tears. "Something really bad."
Alright, that wasn't good.
Many ideas of what that might be sprung up in Belladonna's head. At the moment that he had forgotten her, he was certainly living his life the way he had lived it before she came into it.
Whatever it was that he had done, she knew she couldn't guilt him for it, but still, from the looks of it, it would hurt if it had happened.
A knot settled in the base of her stomach.
"Did you do it?"
He would say the truth, she knew he would and she braced herself for whatever it was.
"No."
Relief.
Just that word and everything was alright.
He wanted to say more and he debated on telling her everything, about his curse, the one she didn't know anything about.
The thought that after he would tell her everything, she would think of him as a man embedded with curses, a mere burden, ridden with nothing but more and more problems terrified him, yet the need to come clean to her felt more pressing.
He was also scared of her being pressurized to break her promise when she would hear the nature of his curse.
Still, did she not deserve the truth?
"The thing is I---"
"No." She shrugged with a smile. "Whatever it is, you didn't do it. It is insignificant. I don't want to hear about it."
Shock passed through him.
What?
She was just going to let it go like that?
She didn't want to know?
Before he could resign into his thoughts any further, he felt her cup his face, wiping away the tears that had trickled down his face.
"I am just so happy that you are here." She stood up, pulling him along with her and he followed. She was glad he did, whatever that was, she didn't want to remain in it. She would be damned if she wasted this precious moment hammering and letting them linger in the feeling of something that didn't even happen.
"You have no idea how scared I was that triggering your memory might damage it."
"But how did you know about my potential memory loss? I totally forgot about it, myself, or I would have written it in the letter."
"Collin told me. He said that Lady Kestra wanted me to know."
Eli hummed thoughtfully.
Well, that was good of her. Although he still felt uneasy about her earlier encouragement, why hadn't she told him more about his Donna? Kestra's desire to keep him stronger and healthy might be conflicting with her utmost loyalty to him and what was precious to him, till she realizes that he valued the latter more, he would have to find a way to stay away from her.
He understood where she was coming from, with enemies sprouting left and right in the castle lately, she would hold the belief that his strength at such a dangerous time was the most important.
What she didn't understand was that he could push through that, he had been doing it for a while now and he would see to it till the end. What he couldn't fight through was if something was to come between him and his Donna, if the fault was his, that would even be worse.
Memory loss or not.
He would never be him again.
The guilt would kill him till his strength was useless.
His loyalty to his future Queen was his utmost priority and till his Right-hand woman would understand that, he would have to stay away from her.
For Ignas sake, he had to be stronger than this. He mustn't risk falling into the same category as that golden boy, Lytio.
Disgusting.
Ignas forbids!
His Donna deserved perfection and that was what he would be for her.
Perfection.
Everything good.
Everything right.
"Pamela at ease," Belladonna's suggestive tone snapped him out of his thoughts. The implied meaning shone through the words that followed, "the door is locked, order has been restored in the castle and we are here together."
She paused, her eyes dancing with mischief.
"Eli," she whispered, "once again, we are alone."