Chapter 39: Rebecca's Rant

Noah was so unsure, so hesitant that it bothered me on a very deep level. This wasn’t the man I met, the man that had begun to introduce me to sexy, sensual delights that kept me panting and wanting more. I wanted that man back... I needed that man back. I would do anything to have him back. I leaned back a bit so I could gaze into his eyes. I could almost swear I could see all the tumbling mixed emotions racing through them, and I wanted nothing more than to put him at ease.

“Yes, Sir,” I whispered back.

Noah moaned in approval as his hands reached up and gently cupped my face. Slowly, he leaned down as if expecting me to revoke my permission at any time. He was treating me so delicately that it would have been sweet if it had been what I wanted. But it wasn’t. I wanted, needed his passion; pure, unbridled, hungry passion.

He brushed his lips gently over mine, and my eyes fluttered close, leaning into the kiss. It was the gentlest of caresses that just served to drive me slightly crazy with its promise of more. But, when he should have deepened it, he pulled away and pressed another gentle kiss to my forehead.

I slowly slid my eyes open and stared deeply into his allowing him to see the need and desire he had awakened in me once more.

“Please, Sir,” I whimpered softly.

He groaned and hung his head, taking a few deep breaths as if he was trying to regain control.

“Becca, I...” he started.

I stiffened as a flush rushed through my body, and shame followed closely. I knew that tone, and I did not want to hear the rest of what Noah was about to say. I may be a dumb, needy little girl, but I was smart enough to know when I was being pushed away now.

“Never mind,” I said harshly, probably more harshly than I had intended. But I didn’t care at that moment.

I began to push off his lap, forgetting that I was in a tight dress, a blanket, and heels. He tried to hold on to me, but I batted his hands away, determined to stand on my own after being so thoroughly embarrassed.

“Damn it, Becca. Settle down,” he snapped.

“Let me go,” I demanded, pushing at his chest again.

He sighed heavily and released me, allowing me to tumble onto the floor unceremoniously. Thankfully, the couch was very low to the ground, and I didn’t hurt anything more than my pride. I flushed again and blew my hair out of my face and glared up at him as if the whole thing was his fault. He held his hands up in surrender and gave me a rather innocent look.

“Hey, you asked me to let you go. I did,” Noah replied.

I growled under my breath, but didn’t say anything as I untangled myself from the blanket. But the stupid heels that I was wearing made it nearly impossible. As I struggled to stand, I cursed them and swore to never wear them again. It quickly became obvious that I was not going to be able to stand alone. I growled again, this time louder and at myself, then glared up at Noah once more.

“Can you please help me stand up?” I snapped.

He raised one cocky eyebrow and looked me up and down. “Actually, I think you should stay down there until you calm down.”

My jaw dropped, and my fury rose once more. “Calm down? You want me to calm down?”

I struggled to stand up, not liking the feeling of being on the floor under his gaze when I was extremely angry.

“Yes, kitten. I think you definitely need to calm yourself,” Noah said again in a low voice.

There it was... that damned tone that always made me want to do exactly as he said and warned me that if I didn’t, then consequences would ensue. But, right now, it just made me even angrier. I managed to get my legs under me until I knelt in front of him. I looked up at him with a muted victory. But the way his eyes darkened in pleasure made me regret looking at him until I was standing up completely. My body immediately responded to the dark, heady look he gave me.

“Actually, I’m wrong,” he began. “I like you better this way. Stay there until you calm down.”

“Stop it,” I snapped at him.

“What?” He asked, not really listening as he stared down at me, his elbows on his knees and his hands clasped in front of him.

He was the picture-perfect resemblance of calm, collected, and in control.

The bastard.

“Stop doing that,” I snapped back. “Stop pushing me away, then acting like you have any say in what I do. You don’t. You have made it perfectly clear that you want nothing to do with me. Why don’t you just leave me alone?”

Noah’s dark eyes met mine in a flash. “Excuse me?”

“You heard me! You have done your absolute best to make sure I knew that you don’t want me and are through with me. I am just not sure why the heck you keep messing with my head! I’m done with it! If you don’t want me, fine! Just leave me alone!” I ended almost shouting.

His eyes took on a dazed quality as if he was thinking deeply. “You think I don’t want you?”

“Yes! You’ve made it perfectly obvious since you... since you found out I... I was,” my face flushed again.

“A virgin,” he supplied when I faltered.

I expected his tone to be one of disgust or disapproval. But there was a hard edge to it and a low rumble of hunger that suddenly began to radiate off him. My body stilled at the sound, and I began to wonder if I might have been wrong. He sounded as if he desired me greatly and just confused me more.

For a moment, I felt like Little Red Riding Hood facing the hungry wolf wanting to devour me whole. Just the thought made me squirm in place as well as my sorry excuse for panties getting soaked. I swallowed hard, trying to speak, but all I could do was nod.

“Little one,” he crooned as if he felt the turbulent emotions roiling around deep inside me. “Little one, the fact that you are basically untouched is... well, frankly, it’s a heady thing for a man. And here you are basically putty in my heads.”

He reached out and gently touched my cheek, his thumb caressing the cheekbone and sending shivers down my back. I sighed softly, enjoying the feeling of his skin against my own.

“I want you so damned much that just the sight of you makes me harder than a rock. I feel like a damned horny teen with his first girlfriend just hoping she’ll let him get to second base again,” he said with a self-deprecating chuckle and a slight shake of his head. “But, I’m not. But I'm not a young boy anymore; I'm a man. And the things I need are not considered normal. I need submission from my women, and I will demand it. But, how can I demand it from someone as innocent as you? Someone who still blushes when the subject of sex is brought up. You don’t even know what you like and don’t like when it comes to a vanilla relationship. You need time to figure that out,” he explained gently.

The overwhelming sadness that I had felt since he left began to try to drown me again.

“I know... I am inexperienced,” I began and ignored his raised eyebrow at my description of myself. “But, I don’t understand why I can’t gain experience... with you.”

He pulled back a bit as if my words surprised him.

“Becca, I’ve already told you. My desires are not for the faint of heart,” he tried again.

“I know that. After everything we discussed, I have no illusions that you are normal. But... if it’s true you want me still, and I desire you, then why do I have to go find someone to give me some experience just so I can have what I want?”

He growled at my words as if just the mention of someone else pissed him off. He looked away and took some deep breaths before turning back to me.

“I have never denied that I wanted you, Rebecca,” he finally growled out.

“Then, damn it, stop pushing me away!” I snapped back finally. “You have shown me what you want, and I don’t ever recall saying no!”