Chapter 38: Chapter Thirty-Eight

“If you are confused about the man you wish to be with, why should you choose him rather than me?” Sinclair asked me as he came back to the barn, returning from feeding.

He sat down on the hay next to me, and opened the bag of unknown origin, pulling out a container of something that resembled soup, as well as a spoon.

I don’t know how I know, but I know he’d taken that food from the poor soul he’d just killed. Just the thought of that, destroyed any appetite I may have had. I know I should be used to the death that inevitably is a part of my everyday life, but it's something I didn't want to accept. Even if it hadn’t bothered me, the smell that followed when he opened the lid was enough.

“Do vampires have an ability to change the emotions of those around them?” I asked, shaking my head as he offered me the container.

Sinclair’s head snapped to the side, his golden eyes wild as he looked at me, baffled by what I’d asked him.

“What makes you think that?” He asked me, after a few moments of trying to regain his composure. But it was too late, the damage was done. His response gave me the answer I was looking for.

“You’ve been doing something to me, to make me think I had feelings for you?” I said, asking it like a question, but knowing the answer already.

It’s the only thing that makes sense! Why else would I suddenly have feelings for him? I knew that Damien is the man I wanted, but Sinclair had been quite literally toying with my emotions to make me question everything.

I felt my blood began to boil as I thought about everything Sinclair had said to me, every time he’d played me as a fool. Every doubt he’d put in my head about Damien was to force me into his arms.

The second Sinclair had left the barn, all the weird and out of place emotions I was feeling, disappeared. That’s when I knew he was doing something to me. And the moment he returned, so did those feelings. The more I thought about it, the more upset I got.

“It’s not what you think.” Sinclair said, tossing the container off to the side, spilling out the grotesque concoction over the barn ground, filling the air with the nauseating smell.

“So tell me what it is, Sinclair.” I snapped, standing and walking to the other end of the barn, trying to get fresh air.

“Yes, I amplified your emotions of doubt. But I did not change them. Those doubts you have about Damien are all your own.” He said as he slowly walked closer to me, cornering me at the other end of the barn.

“So you didn’t make me feel like I was attracted to you?” I asked, starting to doubt myself. Was I wrong? Am I just blaming him for making me feel something, that I was already feeling?

“I-“ Sinclair started to say, but cut himself off, not knowing what to say as he stood there, unmoving but watching intently

“So you have been making me feel things for you?” I practically screamed at him, my anger only seconds from imploding.

I found nothing about the situation funny in any way, but I did the only thing I could. I laughed. It started as normal laughter, but as it progressed and became something much more sinister and dark.

“I wish this wasn’t true, but in this day and age, doubts are normal in a relationship, Sinclair. If I had zero doubt about Damien, that would mean I knew every single thing about him, and accepted it.” I finally said, after my laughter ended.

“That cannot be true, Bast.” Sinclair said, shaking his head. “No relationship can survive when either party has doubts.”

“Welcome to the 21st century.” I snorted, trying to stop a new wave of laughter from erupting. “You think you can force me to be attracted to you, and still have no doubts in our relationship? You left for fifteen minutes and I figured it out. What do you think would happen when you left for work? Or we spent days apart?”

Sinclair remained silent as I spoke, his eyes flickering as he listened to what I was saying. It was clear he didn’t think anything was wrong with what he’d done, only angering me more.

“You were imprisoned for far too long, Sinclair. The world you knew is dead.” I said, walking past him to sit back down as my legs were getting tired. I still hadn’t fully recovered from our travel earlier, and my legs felt like they were going to give out.

Sinclair sat down next to me, and started to speak, but stopped himself short. He did this a few times before he finally turned to face me. "I did not know what I was doing, was inappropriate. In my time, it was welcomed. Some women were too trepid to act on their feelings, and all I did was assist them. If you do not want me, why are you attracted to me?"

I sighed deeply, trying to figure out how to explain this to him. "Are you an ugly man?"

"No, of course not." He responded with a chuckle, looking at me curiously.

"That's why I'm attracted to you, Sinclair. You are an attractive man. Yes, I am with Damien, and yes I want to be with him. But that doesn't make me blind to other men. I can think you're attractive, while still loving him."

Sinclair nodded his understanding, but was still clearly not fully understanding. "You humans are so... Interesting." he responded, shaking his head.

"Can all vampires do what you do?" I asked, thinking about Damien. If Damien had this ability, did he use it on me to persuade me to want to be with him? As I thought about it, I knew that wasn't the case. Damien had waited for me to want to be with him, before he did anything. If he had this ability, and used it on me, our story would have gone much differently. We wouldn't have gotten into a fight, and I wouldn't have gone into the basement and found Sinclair.

"As far as I am aware, only recreants have this ability."

"That explains a lot." I said with a laugh, before standing. "Let's go."

"He will kill me, Bast." Sinclair said, taking my hand and pulling me back to the hay, before I could walk out of the barn door.

"You're right. We can stay here until he finds us, so he can't catch you off guard." I said in agreement as I sat back down, then laid in the makeshift bed, closing my eyes to rest before all hell broke loose.