Chapter 36: Chapter Thirty-Six

Sinclair was stunned by my sudden affection, but recovered quickly as he put his arms around me, pulling me into a tight embrace as he kissed me back. He started to run his hand up my thigh, but stopped when I tensed against him, showing I wasn't ready for it. He slowly leaned into me, pushing me on my back as he explored my tongue with his. Our kiss didn't end until I tapped on his shoulder, trying to get him to release me, as I needed to catch my breath.

He groaned as he broke away from our kiss, but instead he began kissing and nibbling at my throat, making my heart rate spike again. "Sinclair!" I gasped out when I felt his fangs against my throat, ready to pierce.

"I've more control than that, Bast." Sinclair grumbled, clearly offended by my assumption.

"Why do vampires do that?" I asked, pulling back to look at him.

"Our fangs are like exceedingly sensitive fingertips. When I put them against your throat, I can feel the blood running through your veins. I can nearly taste it, really." He said as he turned over so his back was against the bed, holding me against his chest.

"I don't want you to be upset, but there is one thing that has been bugging me for weeks. From the first time I saw you." I said, biting my lip as I looked into his eyes. Sinclair didn't respond, but nodded to show he would listen. "Why are you called a recreant if you aren't completely lost? I thought recreants did nothing but hunt and kill?"

Sinclair laughed aloud at this, shaking his head in amusement. He continued to laugh for a few moments before he stopped, and looked at me in all seriousness. "Those things are true for newer recreants. Just like it is true for new vampires. When a vampire is firstborn, their eyes are blood-red until they gain control. After some time: maybe weeks, months, or years. It depends solely on how strong-willed the vampire is. I have been a recreant for nearly 100 years, Bast. If Lucifer ever stopped hunting me, and tried listening to me instead, he would know these things."

"So when you first went recreant, you were out of control. But because you have been this way for so long, you regained control?" I asked, trying to wrap my head around it. "Why bother calling you a recreant then? What is the difference between you and another vampire?" I put my hand on my forehead as it began to pound fiercely. None of this is making any sense to me.

"Stop, little human, before you break that mind of yours." Sinclair said, pulling me into a kiss. I put one hand against his chest as I was going to pull away, but surprised myself when I leaned into the kiss. He put one hand on the back of my head, blocking me from pulling away, while he used his other hand to push my body against his. He didn't release me until I patted his shoulder again, telling him I needed to breath.

I tried to focus on anything other than what he'd said before, but couldn't as my mind refused to let it go. I sighed as I shook my head. "I'm sorry, I just don't understand." I apologized, looking down at my hands.

"The difference between a recreant, and a regular vampire, is our mortal connections. Some vampires had families before they were turned, and this keeps them from turning recreant, until that bloodline has dwindled and died. My bloodline ended over 100 years ago, and this is why I turned recreant." Sinclair explained as he rubbed my back, watching me closely like he was afraid my mind would explode. "When the bloodline ends, so too does the vampires control. This only lasts until the vampire has had enough time to regain that control. The gold of my eyes, only signifies that I have no family or human relations left, it does not mean I am an immortal killing machine."

"So why are other vampires so afraid of recreants?"

"Because they never let them live long enough to regain their control. I am currently the only recreant alive, as Lucifer orders every one of us to death, before we've enough time to regain command over our minds."

"No!" I yelled, refusing to believe that as I stood up quickly, causing myself to lose balance and nearly fall. Sinclair caught me before I could hit the ground, and sat me back on the hay.

"It is the truth, Bast." He said after a few minutes of silence. "He kills us because he is misinformed. I cannot blame him for it, as he was never taught better. The only reason he imprisoned me, rather than killing me, is because he still holds a grudge against me for turning him."

I nodded my understanding as things finally started to make sense. Damien only kills recreants because he believes they are nothing but wild animals with no control. When he comes to rescue me, I will make him listen to me, and stop killing recreants. Oh, no... Will he come to rescue me? Do I even want him to? My mind started spinning again as I thought about Damien being crazed with worry, while I was here kissing the man who kidnapped me. I don't even know if I like Sinclair, or if I was doing this out of kindness. Did I enjoy kissing him? When I kiss Damien, I feel nothing but unadulterated desire. But when I kiss Sinclair, I'm not sure what I feel.

"Kiss me, Sinclair." I said, turning towards him. I need to know if I feel anything for him, otherwise it is unfair to allow Damien to waste any time trying to find me.

"You want to know if you feel anything when you kiss me, don't you?" Sinclair asked, but it wasn't a question. It was a statement, posed as a question.

"I'm not going to lie to you, so yes." I responded honestly, not seeing any point in lying about it.

Sinclair looked into my eyes for a few moments, searching mine to find whatever he was seeking, before he took me back into his arms. He set me in his lap so our faces were even, but didn't kiss me. He just continued to watch me curiously.

I waited for a few moments before repositioning myself, so I was straddling him, our bodies pressed together. I put my arms around his shoulders as I slowly leaned forward, trying to calm my breathing as I brought my lips to his.