Avrora
"Do you know where your heart lies?" My breath stills while I look at her, hoping she won't find some way to change the subject.
"Yes," she answers after a long moment, her expression becoming self-conscious and knowing. "But it might be better to be torn between two men who want you, than the situation where you know one wants you and the other just sees you as a thing he has no plans to love, or treat like a human being."
Thank God, she's trusting me. A weight lifts from my shoulders and I step into the shoes of the friend I've always wanted to be to her.
"Is that what it's really like?"
"Yes."
We stare at each other for a few awkward moments of silence while I wait for her to elaborate.
"You know about Zakh and me, don't you?" She speaks finally in a hushed voice. As if she's scared the trees might hear her.
"I do. Why didn't you tell me?"
"I was scared. I'm still scared."
"Don't be."
The vein at her temple pulses. "I love my parents with all my heart, but no one knows what they're really like. They show everyone a different face and behind closed doors, they're something else. I'm not sure who is worse, my mother or my father. Thank God for my brother, but he has his moments."
I've had my thoughts about her family, but I didn't want to cast judgment since I've had so many things happen in my family that were in the public's eyes. Her family aren't like that, but more like the ones you know have dark secrets they keep locked away in the same desolate place Pandora hid her box.
My father is overprotective, but hers is strict, strict, strict and treats her like cattle. He loves money and power more than anything in this world. Her mother is the same. Lorelai's brother, Leo, is more like the way a parent should be, even though he's only five years older than her, but he loves power too.
Because the Konstantin's are filthy rich and are an old Knights family, Lorelai's marriage into their family will benefit everyone. It will carry the same prestige that my family feels for me marrying into the Scarfoni family.
"Wouldn't your father like the idea of you marrying a Scarfoni?"
"No, because there's no route for him to progress financially. The Konstantins have everything he's ever wanted. Even if he did, Zakh doesn't want to get married. He knew he wouldn't need to because the spotlight was always on Mikhail. Now it's even better for him."
"How long have you been seeing each other?"
She blushes and chews on her bottom lip. "Since I was legal, but we fooled around before."
My brows shoot up. "Oh my God." I can't believe I only knew when I saw them together.
"I know, and I'm sorry. I just thought keeping the secret was better. My family is just starting to really get on with the Konstantins. The wedding is next summer and they want me to use that time in between to get to know Dmitri. I can't fuck it up."
"I understand. What are you going to do?"
"I'm in the same boat as you with that one, because I don't know. When we first got together, we were just fooling around, but things changed when my father arranged for me to marry someone else."
"What about Zakh? How does he feel?"
She laughs without humor. "That's an even bigger mystery. He's the irrational rebel. You never know what those types of guys are thinking because they don't tell you. I know the day will come when we have to break up and that's what will break me."
"Oh Lorelai." I cover her hands with mine.
She blinks back tears then tries to regain her usual easy smile. "It's okay. It is what it is. But enough about me. Let's focus on you. I think the best thing you can do is to try not to worry. You're in a weird situation you have no control over, but there will come a time when you'll have to choose what's right for you. Or you'll go crazy."
I think that's already happened. "I want you to do the same thing."
"I will. I'm glad we spoke about it. I promise not to keep secrets from you again."
I give her a warm smile. "I'll hold you to that."
"I mean it. I promise." She brushes over my shoulder and smiles. "Hey, maybe in sixty years we'll be two super sassy older ladies, talking about all our adventures. And our men. I'll be receiving my tenth Emmy for best actress and you can be the celebrity shrink, like Dr. Phil. But you still give me friends and family discount."
In typical Lorelai style she switches the subject effortlessly and even manages to make me laugh like I don't have a care in the world. I wish that were true.
"You are so crazy."
"It's a nice thought, though right?" She gives me a one-shouldered sassy shrug.
"Yeah."
"I got half an hour left, tell me what the final plans are for the wedding. I'm so glad I get to be there and be part of the wedding."
"I really am too."
My worries about my wedding day are now mostly about Dad. I don't know what to expect when I see him, or how I'll feel. Every day the secrets between us drive me further away from him.
Lorelai and I talk about the wedding and she leaves right on the mark.
I head back into the hall to put the protective covering back over my dress, but I find Gytha inside, admiring it.
The sight of her makes my insides quiver, like jagged pieces of glass are slicing into me.
I'm not afraid of her, but I hate contention or any kind of unnecessary confrontation.
Since I've been in this house, she's spoken to me one time only and it was vile. The other times I've seen her we haven't spoken. That includes yesterday, which didn't go well for her.
Her presence here in this room, near my wedding dress can't be good.
"It's very pretty," she states, keeping her eyes on the dress. Instead of acknowledging me she circles the mannequin, lifting the light fabric of the hem, then allowing it to float back in place.
"Is there something you wanted?" If she were expecting me to say thanks, she's not getting it. She's not here to be nice to me and I know no matter how much I harden my skin, whatever jab she's conjuring to throw at me is going to hurt.
"I just came to see what all the fuss was about." She stops a few paces away and straightens with the elegance of a swan. "Sounded like you had fun yesterday."
My heart constricts at the same time as my lungs. She's talking about when she heard Anatoli and I having sex in the dining room. "That's none of your business."
An arrogant smile spreads over her red lips and her haughty glare pierces into me. "Look at you, all defensive and loved up. Don't fool yourself when it comes to Anatoli Scarfoni. Whatever you think you have with him won't last, so enjoy it while you can. When we go back to sea, he won't even remember you. But I guess that's why he has me."
Just like last time she walks away leaving me feeling like shit. On this occasion her bite and sting have the same vindictive blow.
And the void in my heart grows wider.