Chapter4
The Renewal
Zinnia’s POV
The next morning, Aggie came riding by my cottage in her electric golf cart.
“It’s quiet, so it doesn’t scare my animals,” she’d told me.
I was sipping tea in the rocking chair on the porch, tired from the night. At this stage I was turning from side to side every hour or so as my body prepared me for sleepless nights after the baby arrived. I wasn’t sure who came up with that plan, but personally I thought it’d be better to
stockpile some good nights‘ sleep prior to the baby arriving.
She got out of her cart and sat on the top step.
“Would you like some tea?” I asked.
“No,” she said. The woman didn’t bother with niceties very often, I’d noticed. She’d probably say
she didn’t have time given that she was constantly in motion, doing something.
But now, she sat and I sipped.
“What do you need, Zinnia?”
Had anyone ever asked me that before? They’d all assumed and decided what I needed or ignored what I wanted, and I didn’t say boo to them, until now. No wonder Dash thought I was a victim of a pregnancy–induced hormonal imbalance that was causing me to act so out of character. For the first time in my life, I’d asserted myself and hadn’t backed down, and no one knew what to do
with a Zinnia who wasn’t a malleable doormat.
“I’m not sure,” I answered. “You may be the first person to ask me that.”
Aggie lapsed into silence again, not pushing for an answer, content to let the question sit on the
porch with us.
“I think I need to be alone for a while. Away from all of them, so I can…figure things out? I’m not
sure I can put it into words.
“Eremition,” she said briskly, nodding her head.
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“I don’t know that word. What is it?”
Clasping her hands over her knees, she defined it for me. “Basically, it’s the act of withdrawing from the lives of others — not out of spite but from a desire for solitude or renewal.”
“Solitude or renewal,” I repeated to myself. “I like that. That’s exactly what I need before my baby gets here so I can be a good mother, a good role model. I want to raise her to be strong.”
“I’m sure you will, Zinnia.”
“I’ve been looking up names that mean strong. I bet people here will have some good name suggestions.”
Aggie snorted. “Take my advice and don’t ask anyone here or you’ll end up with an Ozone Blossom Hanging Basket or some stupid–ass name like that. My apologies if that was on your
list.”
“Well, it’s not anymore,” I teased, and the gave a bark of laughter.
“If you’re serious, I’d suggest turning off your phone,” she advised. “Just power it off so you can take your solitude journey in peace. We’re so addicted to those little rectangles that we’ve trained ourselves to think we can never be out of touch. People are so afraid of missing out, they won’t unplug and give themselves a break.”
Turn off my phone? Be completely out of touch with anyone back home? Hell, yes. I could definitely do that. Powering it off, I realized I was elated at the thought of not having to listen to anyone talking about naming my baby or my sister spending the night with Dash at our house or being accused of having a hormonal imbalance when I was just sick of taking the shit everyone
shoveled at me.
It was no longer a joke to me.
“Done,” I said. “I think…I think I’d like to go tell the bees.”
Aggie stood. “Then let’s get you to Sunny.”
Standing, I glanced at my phone on the wide arm of the chair and walked away from it.
“Aggie, how long can I stay here?” I said as I maneuvered myself into the golf cart
She put her hand on my shoulder and looked me straight in the eye. “I promise, you can stay here as long as you need to.”
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Then we took off for Sunny’s while I enjoyed feeling…unencumbered.
Two days later, I was surrounded by women. We were by a lake, the moon was full and Aggie had dropped me off. Sunny had promised to bring me back home to my cottage. Home to my cottage.
“This is too woo for me,” Aggie had said bluntly on the way here. “I have no idea what sort of weird shit goes on in one of these ceremonies, but I’d rather get kicked by one of my cows than
dance around chanting with Moonbeam. That said, I hope you find what you need in this
ceremony.”
“Thank you,” I said. “I’ll fill you in tomorrow. Good night, Aggie.”
She smiled at me. “Enjoy this part of your journey,” she said very kindly. “Moonbeam’s headed this way so I’m taking off before she tries to talk me into dancing.”
A moment later, Moonbeam, Sunny and a woman I didn’t know came over to me.
“Zinnia,” Sunny was saying, “This is my daughter, Mist. She lives here and just got back from her honeymoon. I don’t know if you remember her from your visits here. You were both young.”
“Congratulations,” I said to Mist. “And I do have some memories of you.”
The beautiful woman smiled back. “Thank you, cousin. It’s been years! And congratulations to you on your baby girl. How exciting!”
“Thank you,” I said, thinking how wrong it was that someone I hadn’t seen since we were both children was more excited about my girl than my own husband and family.
Moonbeam took my hand and gently tugged. “Let’s begin the celebration of you and your baby girl.”
At least thirty women were standing by the shore of the lake, all of them dressed similarly to me, in flowy, light–colored sundresses. All of us were barefoot and Moonbeam took me to them and
one of them brought me a crown of flowers.
“This is made of many of the flowers that represent motherhood, a mother’s love, purity, innocence and new beginnings. Daisies, roses, and carnations. May you and your baby girl be richly blessed.”
She placed the flower circlet on my head, and I had to blink back tears. Just about every woman
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here was a complete stranger and yet they were gathered to celebrate my unborn girl and me.
Moonbeam, fittingly, began the ceremony.
“Tonight, we gather under the full–moon’s energy to reflect, declare our intentions and to
remind ourselves to care for ourselves so we can care for others in our care. Let’s absorb this
powerful energy by relaxing, letting go and breathing it in, filling our bodies with it.”
After the breathing, we each took a stone and created a mound of them, each one of us silently declaring our intentions as we carefully placed our stone.
I want to live a happy life so I can give my baby a happy life, without toxicity.
Then all of them sat on quilts and blankets and meditated, thinking about what good things we wanted to manifest for my girl’s life. They gave me a cushioned chair, festooned with flowers, so I didn’t have to sit on the ground. It felt like a throne to me as I thought about what I wanted my daughter to have.
Love. Health. Kindness. Curiosity. A good heart. Intelligence. The ability to see beauty in all things. Strength. Laughter. Courage. Joy.
And then, each of the women came to me to bless me in the moonlight, each one putting their hand gently on my head.
A blessing for strength for you, Zinnia.
A blessing for a beautiful birth.
A blessing for a healthy girl.
A blessing for the mother’s love inside you to fill you with happiness.
Mist gave me the final blessing.
Zinnia, a blessing for your journey to motherhood and even beyond. She is precious to you, to all of us, and so are you.
It wasn’t loud. It wasn’t showy. It was women celebrating me as I prepared to give birth. These strangers took joy in my girl, and I felt each blessing move from their hands on my head to a place deep within my heart where I would always hold them. I was not a joke to these women. Instead, they rejoiced with me in this moment and in my anticipation of a new life to join our circle.
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It was safe to say the renewal part of my journey had begun.
Sara Lili is a daring romance writer who turns icy landscapes into scenes of fiery passion. She loves crafting hot love stories while embracing the chill of Iceland’s breathtaking cold.