{Chapter 4} : The Cold Hard Truth Burns, Ironically. I dropped the calculus sheets I was reviewing when I heard my mom's padded footsteps echoing down the staircase. "Anna, sweetie," her voice flitted through the small archway between the hallway and living room. "I'm going to work - last minute shift." I swung my feet off the coffee table just in time for her to round the corner and enter the room. She gave me a stern look, seeing my sock clad feet previously on her favourite piece of furniture. "Mom," I said, "You've barely been home in the past two days. Do you really need to go?" I've barely caught a glimpse of you this entire week. Her deep sign emphasized her exhaustion. Dark eye bags lined her hazel eyes and her hair was pulled into a tight chignon. She smoothed a hand over her freshly washed pink scrubs. "I know, sweetie. It's an emergency or else I wouldn't go. You know I'm on call, I need to cover for my co-worker." "Tiffany?" I implored. She was always covering for Tiffany. She nodded. "Yeah." "Aren't you always covering for her?" I asked, letting a bit of irritation leak into my voice. "Take a break, mom. You haven't had a day off in nearly two weeks." My mom chuckled and sighed good-naturedly, leaning her small frame against the doorway. We were polar opposites, my mom and I. Whilst she was petite - standing at five feet two - I was five feet nine. Her hair was a deep mud brown, while I got my honey blonde from my father. "I owe, Tiffany," she explained with a casual shrug. "Tiff helped us out a lot when your father was gone. I'm just returning the favor." I tried to hold back the wince at the bitter reminder of my father. It didn't go unnoticed by my mother. My shoulders fell, guiltily. "All right. When will you be back then?" She avoided eye contact. "After midnight." That meant nearly two a.m. "I'll take care of Michael and make sure he eats, and is well tucked into bed." "Don't worry about that. He has a play date with Kurt and Tommy, and he might even sleepover at the Collins." My face dropped. This also meant that I would be home alone. Again. No mom. No Michael. I watched her scamper around the living room, rummaging for her belongings before she headed out the door. Mom gave me a quick blowing-kiss. "I'll see you tomorrow morning. Go out, do something, Anna. Don't stay alone at home. Love you." The door clicked shut. "Love you, too," I mumbled into the eerie silence of the house. The grandfather clock near the entrance read half past eight. Figuring that the night was still young, I shot Layla a quick text message, letting her know I'd be dropping by her place. We always hung out on Saturday nights, whether it was a movie or just doing our homework in mutual silence. There was also the fact that I had to talk to her about her disappearance with Joshua Brown. I'd had my hands full with a certain daredevil last night. No way could I have spoken to her then. Especially when said daredevil had spiked my temper to unbelievable heights, causing me to do the unthinkable. I covered my face with my hand. Oh, God. I can't believe I purposely splashed my drink all over him. The piercing look in his eyes when I walked away still played in my mind. I need a distraction. Mentally berating myself for even letting my thoughts wander to Samuel Adams, I picked up my light cardigan and zipped up my thigh-highs before leaving the house. * * * By the time I reached Layla's house, it was nine and dark outside. There were no cars in her driveway, meaning her parents weren't home. There was, however, a sleek red sports car parked along the curb. The same one that was resting comfortably in the Brown residence's driveway. I parked my car and stayed inside for a moment, answering one of Gabby's text messages. Suddenly, the porch light flickered on, illuminating the red brick, two-storey house. The door opened and Layla emerged, wearing nothing but her fuzzy slippers and flimsy pyjama top. And behind her, there was Joshua. He was a mess; black t-shirt disheleved, low-riding jeans, and hair that looked like someone had run their fingers through it a million times. My stomach rolled. Until I saw Joshua bending down, wrapping Layla in a tight hug, and plating a swooping kiss on her lips. He dipped her until she giggled, and swatted his chest playfully. He proceeded to pepper small kisses all over her face. I couldn't watch this any longer. Stepping out of my car, I locked the doors and slowly crossed to where they stood. My mind was stuck on an endless loop of she can't be doing this. This can't be happening. It was comical, really, how fast they split when they spotted me on the bottom step of the stairs, my eyebrows raised quizzically. Joshua ran a hand through his hair nervously. "I-I should go." The look in Layla's eyes mimicked that of a deer caught in headlights. "Yeah. Y-You should go." Joshua checked his surroundings like he was disoriented, before fishing his keys out of his pockets. Giving Layla one last hard kiss, he left a look of utter bliss floating on her face. He had a smile on his face, too. But I knew just how good guys were at masking their true selves. Guys like Joshua, at least. Joshua bounded down the stairs and was face-to-face with me. His awkward smile faltered and he delivered a small, "Hi." We were nearly the same height - maybe he had two inches on me at most - so I simply jutted my chin out in greeting. "Hey." I waited until he peeled his car out of Layla's vicinity before I turned back to her, arms crossed. "I texted you." She gulped, heat splashing her cheeks with color. "I saw." "I came yesterday... to the party," I admitted, kicking the pebbles on the ground. "Gabby and I couldn't find you." "Yeah. I got caught up." She scratched her head and gave a forced laugh. I was done playing around. "With Joshua?" Her gaze snapped my way before narrowing. "Yeah." She mirrored me and crossed her arms over her chest, but with a hint of defiance. "So what?" "Layla -" "I didn't have sex with him - okay?" Her outburst caught me off guard. My eyes widened and I climbed the steps to get closer to her. "Wow. All right. Conversation totally took a turn here - " "You were thinking it," she said. "I just wanted to clear out the air before you got any weird ideas. I'm nobody's booty call." "Good for you." I barely managed to choke out. "But what did I just witness? Are you guys seeing each other or something?" "I like him." "Well that's a fucking given." And, the way your lips were moving was clear indication. "Are you here to fucking lecture me?" Her eyes became slits. "Or are we going to study together?" A breath rushed out of me. I don't know why she was being snappy. I wasn't here to interrogate her. Sure, I was mad that she was hanging out with Joshua Player Brown, but I wanted to listen, to figure out what was going on first. If she wanted a lecture, then I'd gladly give her one. "No, I'm not here to pose questions. I'm here to understand what I'm missing here, so that I can be a good friend. A best friend, you know!" I spread my arms out at my sides. "But you want a lecture? Fine. You got one. Guys like Joshua aren't to be trusted. Don't mess with him Layla, or do whatever it is you're doing. You're going to land yourself with a broken heart and a wounded pride." "I like him, okay? Really, really like him." She thumped her chest twice with a hand. "And I'm pretty sure he feels the same way." "How do you know - " "You don't know anything, Anna! Stop pretended like you're all-knowing!" "Then tell me, dammit!" My voice was getting hoarse. "Gabby and I are here for you. Be real with us for once!" Her eyes blazed. She wracked her fingers through her brown strands frustratedly. "You want real? I'll give you real. Real is that you're judgmental. You don't give guys a chance because you're scared of having your heart broken. You're scared to let someone in, and that's why you're so fucking closed off and unapproachable. Hell, maybe that's why you threw your drink all over Sam." She chuckled darkly. "Yeah, I saw that, too. Did he get a little too close, Jodanna? Too close for your comfort? Newsflash: Not every guy wants to get in your pants! Some actually want to get to know you. Not every guy is like Joey Donald; trying to fuck you and take your virginity away, only to leave you in the dust like yesterday's trash." I stumbled down a step. Then another. Her words are too real. Icy cold kind of real, and they hit right home. Showing me that I haven't changed. Or gotten over the past. I can't breathe. She's right. I am judgemental. It took me so long to open up about everything. My dad. My ex-boyfriend. I was closed-off. I am closed-off. Sam got a little too close to me last night and I freaked out because I knew the aftermaths of not guarding yourself - your heart properly. When you fall, you don't always land on your feet. You get crushed to tiny bits and pieces along the way. And most of the time, it fucking hurts bad. "Shit," Layla mumbled, regret blanketing her features. "I was frustrated and that came out all wrong. I'm sorry, Anna." I was shaking my head, backing away and creating distance between Layla and I. "You meant it." And she was right. Not being able to handle the shame if she saw my tears, I pivoted on my heels and fast walked all the way to my car with whatever pride I had left. Shoulders rolled back. Layla kept calling after me but I didn't listen. Didn't look back. Because that was the cold hard truth. Sometimes, you just needed to hear it from you closest ones. No matter how humiliating and hurtful the reminder of your fuck-up might be.