Chapter 45: A Clear Head

It was quiet in the hills of South Dakota. There were no other buildings in sight of the small cabin. It should have been a calming sight for the young CEO, but for the three days he’d been there, it only made him feel naked. There were no crowds to hide, no tall buildings dotting the skyline that squeezed the streets in a comforting embrace. The legacy he sought to escape was a security blanket he’d left behind.

Here, it was just him and grass for as far as the eye could see, and that left him nowhere to hide from his thoughts.

Nick had only been here a handful of times when his mother told them Dad needed some space to get work done.

As a child, he chased around Astrid with a beetle in his hands at every opportunity he was given. He learned the value of patience from his mom as she taught him her famous pho recipe in the small kitchen, a distinct difference from the almost industrial-like kitchen of their mansion home.

As much joy as there was here, he always knew the truth of their visits. Their mom was trying to protect them from his dad’s short temper during stressful times, when he’d be more likely to throw a glass against a wall near their heads and blame them for his failures.

He wondered if Astrid knew as well; both him and his mom tried to shield her the most from the chaos that was Whitlock Inc at the time. Most of their lives, he’d been trying to protect her from cruel truths, and it was only recently he realized how much of a disservice that was to her.

So many mistakes. All of them echoed back at him across the waves of grain, playing out like the field was their stage.

He’d once come there with Trisha. It was the sort of place she loved, plenty of space for inspiration. The small house reminded her of home.

She would never show anyone her works, but she was a talented painter. The week they were there together inspired such beauty on her canvas it belonged in a museum, to be adored by millions.

At the time though, Nick didn’t care for it. What was the point when she refused to market it, make money off it? He didn’t understand art for art’s sake. It was only after she was gone that he realized he sounded like his father, with no care for passion.

He thought about reaching out to her years after all the pain he caused to apologize but thought better of it. He didn’t want to reopen old wounds. Her last words to him were, “I hope you find whatever you’re looking for.”

She was married now, to a good man from what he heard. She’d found what she needed, and he was truly happy for her. Yet, after all this time, he still hadn’t found happiness for himself.

Autumn had despised places like this. The hustle and bustle of New York was where she thrived. It was her lion’s den, where she wanted to be the Queen.

He should have been more careful with her. Everyone could see what she really wanted from a mile away, except him. She knew exactly what he wanted and gave it to him, for the price of a new necklace or fancy vacation.

And when she stepped out of bounds, he made sure she’d never be able to live in New York ever again. Now she was living out a meager existence in some town in the Midwest.

The whole scenario made him cautious, perhaps too cautious, with others.

She’d taken advantage of his kindness and generosity, and he made sure she paid for it. But regardless of fault, she was one of two lives he’d destroyed.

Jasmine’s laugh rang in his ears. He could smell her perfume as if she was right in front of him. He didn’t want to ruin her life. He didn’t want to add her to his list of failures.

In the quiet, there was only one thing in his heart: he missed her. He loved her. She loved him. It should be so simple.

He knew it since he saw her, squished between two close friends who desperately tried to cheer her up. When she spun around him, twirled, and laughed. The first time he tasted her lips. She was a gift from the universe, and he took it for granted.

As he had years prior, with another woman, he imagined what their baby would look like. He hoped they had her eyes and his hair. Their giggle would sound like beautiful tiny bells ringing. They were going to be perfect. And unlike last time, he knew it was his. There was no reason he couldn’t and shouldn’t be this kid’s dad.

So what held him back?

In the quiet, the voice of self-doubt became clear. It was his father’s.

It questioned him, and those questions created an incredible businessman, but it left him sorely lacking on the personal front. He thought he’d grown after Trisha, after Autumn, but it still hadn’t been enough.

If he could acknowledge that, though, he could do better. Nick would be the best version of himself, for him and for Jasmine. She could have run, but she didn’t. He could stay too. He wouldn’t avoid her anymore, wouldn’t hide from his responsibility. If it didn’t work out with her, it would be okay because at least he tried. That was all he could ask of himself and her.

The path forward was clear, and his heart was sure.

In the quiet, he realized he needed to go home.

He turned on his phone for the first time since he’d left. Immediately, a multitude of notifications popped up. Dozens of text messages, emails, missed calls, all of them demanded his attention. He’d originally told them he’d be gone for two weeks. From the sheer quantity, it looked like the business was about to implode.

None of the hundreds of messages mattered though as much as one.

Nick scrolled down to Jasmine’s name in his chat. There were two messages from her, one from the day he left and one from that day.

It’s a boy.

He blinked back tears. A little boy. He could picture him perfectly.

The more recent message squashed his joy with ten words.

I have to go back to Georgia for a while.