Nightmares
After dresses again I looked at him with a smile but didn't move off the coach. I looked around and sighed, I didn't like this house. For some reason I just didn't like it. Maybe I should get it cleaned up and new paint. The room was just starting to brighten with the light of the early morning. Draven moved out of the rays of the sun to stand in the shadow. I stood in front of him looking out at the view. That is the best part of the house was the view. Seeing the sun coming up over the house which put the front yard in shadow. The trees that were around the house shined with the dew of the morning. As we stood watching I saw Edgar fly into the front window. His feathers glimed with a hint of blue and gold in the feathers. His little hat never came off his head and looked like it was brand new.
"Draven do you know how long he has been a crow?" I asked just as Edgar landed on the shelf.
"Lord, I think over three hundred years or more." Draven looked up at Edgar seeing the sadness in his eyes.
"Good lord, can he even come back to a human form?" Some witches give false hope on that front.
"I have..." Draven started but Edgar cut him off.
"The witches told me I could if I changed my ways." Edgar huffed. "Most of the stuff I have changed. I start to think they never meant for me to get my human form back. Can't blame them for it in the long run. I did kill a few of them."
"I do believe that you have paid for the deaths of the witches. Maybe I can find one that can help you." It bothered me that he had been stuck as a crow for that long.
"No, this is my fate. Something that I should have thought of many years ago. Draven even tried to get me to see what I was doing. I don't blame the witches. I am not a great person, nor was a good vampire." Edgar huffed as he looked between us.
It was strange to see Edgar being humble. If I thought I was shocked Draven was floored by it. I laughed at the look on his face, Edgar cawed when he saw him. Instead of standing there laughing I decided I needed some sleep. Last night wasn't great sleep with my mind running at a million miles a mintue. I went to the kitchen grabbing a bag of blood, heating it for a few moments. Once I fed I went to the room I had lived in for monthes. My phone vibrated in my pocket letting me know I had a message. When I looked at the phone I saw my mother had texted. She wanted to know why my children where at her house. Why Raven said I had cut her off? Though she knew the way she had treated others. Lucien had spoken up and my mother had cut him off. Not wanting to hear the truth. I sighed as I dialed the phone to talk to my mother.
"You can't do this to your daughter." My mom almost screamed into the phone.
"Mom she needs to learn that she can't treat people like that. Over the past two or three years she had dished out hate to everyone. Not just me or her father. She even hurt her brother, but talking to him like he was trash. In many ways I get that she wants to say what she wants. When she has to go into the adult world she won't be able to be around others. If she talks to people to strangers like that then she will find herself in a horrible place. Nothing we have done or said has cracked through that skull of hers. In time you shall see it. Also don't scream at me about her, she has to find her way without treating people like dirt." I told her not letting her talk. I hung up right after that knowing she would call me back to scream at me.
"I take it your mother isn't happy." Draven said as he pulled me into his chest holding me close.
"She is taking Raven's side. I figured she might but not to listen to Lucien about what happened is a shock. Raven is going to use her to get to me. I know she will. Mom wouldn't allow me to talk to her like Raven talks to me. So I am at a lose on that. I would laugh if my heart wasn't breaking." I sobbed out as he held me close. Letting me cry.
"Let's get some sleep, I know you didn't sleep well last night." Draven kissed my forehead. "You aren't into camping."
"Well I can say that was one of the dumbest things I have done. I didn't want to hurt her again. Never want to harm my kids. Not even sure what happen that night. I know what she told me had to be true, but why did my inner beast decide that I needed to almost kill her?" I spoke in a whisper but I knew he would hear me.
"We all have our breaking point. It took you a long time to break however. Small things from time to time didn't count. It let out the steam for the moment, but it was bound to happen. Raven had to know that you would sooner or later break." Draven told me as he kissed my cheek.
"I'm just tired and hate what happened." I told him pulling away to change into a night gown.
My heart and mind still couldn't find happy middle. Everytime I thought I was over it and had a happy middle ground I slipped right back down again. I went about my days just struggling to get through it. Raven was my daughter and I hated what I had to do. I hated it so much that I was upsetting myself every day. When I went to bed Draven pulled me close to him pulling the blanket up over me. Moments later I was asleep in his arms, feeling better than I had in days.
Dreams can tell you so much and at the same time trap you in what you don't want to see or hear. Then it isn't a dream but a nightmare, and I seemed to have plenty of those. Watching as I hit my daughter, the moment I put my hand around her neck. I was standing there screaming at myself to stop. Don't hurt her, but I could scream until I was horse and it did nothing. Tossing and turning in the bed made getting a good night sleep impossible.
"Natalia! Wake up, your dreaming." Draven was shaking me to wake me up. I blinked up at him tears streaming down my face. "Your alright, shh."
"It isn't alright." I gasped out at him sobbing as I talked.