Chapter 176 Autumn’s POV
Chapter 176 Autumn’s POV
I woke up slowly, my mind adrift in a hazy warmth, the pale light of dawn filtered softly through the massive windows of the bedroom. For a second, the terrifying night felt like a distant, faded nightmare since my mind was still a blur.
Beneath the thick wool blanket Jared has covered over us, my skin was warm followed by a lingering gentle touch that made my heart flutter in my chest. Then slowly, my hands shifted, brushing against the bare plane of a warm chest. My eyes immediately snapped open.
Jared was lying beside me on his Maldives bed, his arm heavy and possessive over my waist. His deep soft, even breathing rose and fell against my bare side. The morning light caught the smooth sharp angles of his jaw, making him look peaceful and irresistibly ethereal.
A sharp wave of nausea surged straight to my throat as the weight of what we had done hit me like a physical blow, breaking the quiet dawn into a million pieces. I covered my mouth in complete despair, "oh God... what have I done?" Panic instantly replaced the warmth in my veins turning into a suffocating and cold feeling.
I sat up abruptly, slowly moving myself away from him so quickly that Jared stirred slightly with a low mumble, frowning his brows though he remained deep in sleep. I pulled a blanket tightly around my chest as my hands trembled violently and I stared at him... the shame was unbearable.
I had spent weeks convincing myself that I was running away to protect my heart and escape the tangled mess of my life, at least to find a clean state but here I was, trapped in the exact same pattern that I used to ruin everything. He was my helper, someone I could lay my head on but now, I don't even know what to say anymore.
Suddenly, an image flashed in my mind, the blonde woman I had seen at his place and at the clinic, I palmed my face gently trying my best not to go crazy from betrayal and every other emotion rushing through my veins. A single tear slid over my cheek as I bit my lips trying to hold my tears.
I had stepped directly into another woman's life and taken what wasn't mine, hiding behind the excuse of a terrifying night and a stupid broken heart. How could I have let myself be so weak? How could I have let his touch erase my morality so completely? How could I have let Dr. Margaret's words leave my ears?
"I'm sorry," I whispered into the silence of his room, the words choking me, "I'm so sorry." I don't think I could face him or his mother, they gave me a place to relax but I did something so stupid. The thought of Jared waking up, his dark eyes opening and staring at me with heavy emotions terrifies me to very core.
I slipped out from under the blanket, as the morning air made my bare skin prickly with goosebumps but I barely felt it... I had more things on my plate to start feeling cold. I gathered my clothes from the floor and dressed as quickly as my trembling limbs would allow.
I slowly slipped out of his room and headed straight to the room provided for me, luckily I had plugged my phone before moving in the night and my small leather wallet was on the edge of the drawer. I needed to leave before anybody woke up.
I headed straight for the small desk near the window of my room, my hands shook so badly I could barely hold the pen sitting beside a pad of the stationery, tears blurred my vision dripping on the white paper as I began to write.
Jared,
I don't even know how to begin to ask for your forgiveness, what happened last night was a terrible selfish mistake that I take full responsibility for. Firstly, you saved my life on that road and instead of showing proper attitude to you and your mother, I let my own weakness take over. I crossed a line that I had no right to cross, you have saved me countless times and I can't believe I'm now the villain in your story.
You belong to someone else and I became a storm that blew through and disrupted everything. I know no matter how many times I will apologize, I will never get to feel better for myself. Please do not look for me, don't try to call me or reach out to me. Let me disappear back into my own stupid life so you can repair whatever damage I've caused. I am so deeply, deeply sorry.
– Autumn
I folded the paper with trembling fingers, placing it on the center of the desk and weighed it down with a small silver object. Without looking back, I grabbed my suitcase and crept down the staircase at the back of the guest wing, my heart hammering loudly against my ribs with every step.
The heavy door at the base of the stairs unlocked with a soft click, leading me into the courtyard of the estate. The heavy storm from the previous night had finally cleared, leaving behind a pale blue sky and puddles of rainwater.
Luckily, the network now was very good as I turned on the maps. It seemed the main valley roads would still be treacherous due to the storm but the local estate lane connected directly to the nearby town's train station that would take me directly to London. I walked faster, my head down and my shoes cutting through the damp grass as I fled the Blackwood mansion.
As I reached down the estate, I managed to flag down a local van heading to the same direction I was heading to. From there, I bought a ticket leaving the terminal to London. As I sat in the cramped, noisy terminal surrounded by sleepy travelers sipping cheap coffee, I felt entirely empty.