Chapter 9: In The Bathroom

And now I was sure that I'd never be fine. I still hadn't recovered from yesterday, and now, this happened. When will everything end? I wanted it all to disappear and finally give me a long and nice break. The stress was overflowing, and my sanity was now slowly slipping away. I couldn't afford to lose it. My vision dropped to my clothes, and I saw how they were now dirty; the mud was thick and gross and successfully sticking to my legs and arms. I could also feel it gradually drying up as I continued to walk.

Eloise was also still laughing while trying hard to catch up to me. "Hey, wait!" She released another bunch of laughter. Do I even have plans? All that's left inside me is anger and huge disbelief. I was groping on to nothing but the idea of getting out of here. I don't care what might happen; I want to return to the mansion and fix myself. I felt sticky, disgusted, and dirty.

The trail we took was far, but I thought I could handle going back safely on my own. "Don't you have plans to stop?" Eloise's voice echoed through my ears, but I just couldn't give a damn. I could feel how she stopped walking after that. Without looking at her, I decided to stop my movements too. In the next few seconds, I spent some time wiping the dirt off my hands, never mind if my jumper got dirtier.

When my hands weren't that dirty anymore, I tied my hair in a ponytail. I could hear Eloise's snickers while I was doing all of that. That's why I finally turned around to face her when I was finished and settled. I didn't even change my expression and just decided to let her know what I felt. I wouldn't be faking what I felt this time.

"Why did you stop walking? Go on and walk," she teased with a sarcastic glare. My jaw clenched. "I was enjoying seeing you that way. If you plan to make your legs and feet suffer, go for it, Raya. Besides, it suits you and fits your role... scapegoat," I kept my mouth closed while hearing her talk. My hands slowly and casually slid inside the pockets of my jumper. Her eyes went to it briefly before they settled on my face again. A smile appeared on her face.

I released a deep sigh. She could talk whenever she wanted to, and no one was stopping her. For now, I was just thinking about not letting all of my emotions flow. I was still angry, but I didn't plan on showing her that I was a hundred percent irritated by whatever she might say. "With all that mud covering you, I hope you realize you look like a pig right now," She uttered, full of mockery.

The afternoon wind blew. My head slightly bent to my left as I stared at her with pure judgment from her head down to her toe. When she noticed what I was doing, her mouth opened. I didn't say anything in response to her insults, but it's pretty clear that she was immediately insulted by what I did. Without dropping any words, I started walking again, and now I was sure to walk all the distance from here to the mansion.

I didn't give a damn anymore. "How... dare... you." It felt dizzying. The surroundings were busy, and many people were staring; that's why it was a question to me why she looked like she didn't even care about any of them. Shouldn't she be a good role model, or what? I know I shouldn't care because it was her life, and she could do whatever she wanted, but considering her recklessness, it only implied that she didn't care much about her image. I know that I made her rage with anger.

I could feel how she started to walk towards me again, and just seconds after, she pulled a handful of my hair; but then was stopped when we both heard the fast-approaching footsteps of a horse. I immediately saw who was riding it when I held my head high.

It was Cassius while looking at what was currently happening. My lips were dry when I pressed them to each other. Eloise was still holding my hair, but when she realized that Cassius was standing before us, she immediately let go of my hair. He went down on the horse and quickly came to me.

His eyes examined me, and it was just too obvious that he had already noticed how dirty I looked. His jaw clenched as he pulled me by his side. He then looked at Eloise like he needed a clear explanation of what happened.

"I— I don't have any idea what happened to her," she explained. "I was looking at something, then suddenly when I thought about telling her to erh uhm..." Cassius gazed at me, and I just looked away. It seemed like he understood, and not so long after, we both turned around and headed toward the horse.

It brought my soul a different kind of peace and happiness since I've been dying to get out here since earlier. Cassius helped me to get and sit properly on the horse before he bothered to help himself climb up. "Cassius, wait!" Eloise called, but he didn't look at her. He held on to the leash connected to the horse before letting it run to take us away.

It wasn't my first time riding a horse, but it had been long since I rode on one. This just feels majestic though there's still pain that I'm feeling inside of me. I was happy when I saw him, but as minutes passed by and I could feel his warmth beside me, the distress from yesterday started to rise again.

Cassius followed me towards the entrance hall. He looks like he's even more stressed than I am. I don't know what his problems are. I was walking fast and heading straight to the stairs, my vision was becoming blurry for some reason, and I could not help but massage the sides of my head while walking. When I was about to hop on the stairs, Cassius immediately stopped me by holding me by my left arm. I was forced to look at him only to see his anger.

It was noticeable that we were having difficulty breathing because of what was happening. I gulped. He was large, so I couldn't see the door behind him. His broad shoulders blocked the afternoon rays from the door from hitting my face. "Tell me what happened," he uttered. He was now holding me in both arms while looking at me intently.

I was bothered by every one of our movements. It made me think about what we talked about before. I tried to remove his hold, but he was too strong; my small hands were nothing to him. And with just a simple touch, he could hold me completely into place. "People are staring, Cassius," I reminded him.

I was already looking around and saw how many of the stares lingered on us, but it seemed like nothing to him; he didn't even move a little when I told him about it. He licked his lips as he clenched his jaw. At that moment, I just wanted to cry. I could feel like, at any time; I would burst out and cry a river because I couldn't handle it all.

I was blown away at first and hoped for the best I know that there was still a lot on the way, but I don't think I could go any farther anymore. I had many words to say to him, but I had difficulty accepting it all. I was shaking and nervous. I felt stupid.

He still had a lot of things to explain to me, and I could remember being angry with him because of his possible relationship with the girl I saw in the library. I should be furious, avoid him, and not let him touch me. But in moments like that, it seemed like he was the only one I could hold on to. Everything slightly altered and became better when he was holding me near, even though things were not fine.

"Let me go, Cassius," He didn't respond. I was stopping myself from crying, but now I failed. My tears were uncontrollable and were freely flowing down my cheeks as I gasped for air. I saw how his eyes went down to my knees, and instead of saying anything to cheer me up, he only went to carry me in his arms. I didn't even flinch or scream when it happened; I was already expecting him to do that.

My arms wrapped around his neck as I buried my face in his chest. I know this might cause a big stir I won't know how to handle it properly. He should take responsibility for it, especially if it might cause things that we wouldn't like. I was already warning him about this, but he wouldn't listen. He was the one between us who told us that we shouldn't rush things and, as much as possible, we should keep it private in the meantime.

It was all in contrast to his actions. What is he? A clown? When we finally reached the second floor, he instantly and directly took the steps to where his room was. I bit my lower lip as I closed my eyes. I could feel the fast rhythm of his heartbeat before he renewed his hold on me and continued walking fast.

The moment when we finally reached his room, he locked the door and headed the way to the bathroom. He put me down carefully at the sink as he opened the faucet on the bathtub; it didn't take long before the sound of water started to fill the whole place. My breathing was heavy when I saw how his arms flexed and closed the bathroom door. Then, his vision settled on me as I looked back at him with mixed expressions.

"Can you remove your clothes, or should I remove them for you—"

I cut him off so quickly. "Get out, Cassius!" I screamed. I was horrified while imagining him undressing me.

"What?! We're mates, and I just want to help you get cleaned; stop thinking the other ways, Raya. I may be a man, but I can also control myself, especially if you're not ready."

My face heated up. "I'm not paralyzed or something," I uttered. My tears had already stopped as I touched my cheeks. "I can wash myself."

"You're wounded," he said as his vision dropped on my knees again; it made me look at them too. And he was right; I felt like I became too numb earlier because I didn't even notice that my knees got wounded when I fell. And now that it was open and was covered with mud... It might have an infection or get worse.

I should be cleaning it now. Without any hesitation, I decided to jump down from the sink. Cassius was caught off guard by what I did, but he had no choice but to let me do what I wanted. "Raya!" With all of my might and strength, I opened the bathroom door and pushed him to get out of the bathroom.

Fortunately, he didn't resist and just followed. A smile crept on my lips even though I was still shaking. My body felt numb as my back rested on the bathroom door, and my eyes settled on the bathtub, filled with warm water. "How I wish that things would always just be fine,"