Chapter 19: Needing Help

It was still early in the morning when I got out of bed. Getting myself to sleep last night seemed hard and impossible at first, but then I managed. My hands were almost numb when I decided to put on a robe before I went out of the balcony. I felt cold. The sky now, compared to yesterday, feels lively. The heavy rain had already stopped, and with just one look, I already knew that the chances of rain today were pretty small.

Many realizations popped into my head as I stared at my surroundings. Most of it is the ideas I didn't notice before, even though it was very noticeable in plain sight. The first one was this: how I can casually enter Cassius's room without getting called out with it. I was already expecting and thinking that people had caught me being in the same room as him countless times, but I wondered how they were silent about it.

It keeps taking me back to when Cassius and I decided to keep it low-key, but of course, it was impossible to keep it how we want it now that we're just vulgar with our actions. The second was when Cassius was being active with physical touch in public, how he'd hold my hand and hug me sometimes. It was fun knowing that his actions contradicted what he told us to do, but never mind, I knew he didn't want to continue what was planned. I didn't even get to ask him about it; he wanted me to stop trying too hard to hide what shouldn't be hidden in the first place.

I was shocked by his sudden decision but not surprised. The sky was still dark because the sun was just about to rise. The leaves of the trees came dancing with the fresh morning wind. The cold breeze caused me to slightly shiver as I decided to hug myself to feel warm. I couldn't manage to smile to welcome it all. I'm not ready to start the day because I know there will surely be a lot of suffering that will happen again today. And the fact that I actually cannot do anything to make me feel any better is just too depressing. I was even hardly breathing.

My stomach growled, and it echoed in my ears. It was only to make me remember that I still haven't eaten in three consecutive days. But it didn't bother me much; with my experiences as an omega always on the pack's lowest sector, I was used to feeling this way.

Besides, I can hold my hunger and don't have an appetite. I don't know; I just feel like I don't deserve to eat anything. Time had passed, and after half an hour just staring blankly into thin air, I finally got tired of wasting my time by looking around.

This would surely need to be nothing, and I got to keep going with my day. I've decided since last night that I just couldn't end this day while not doing anything significant, so before my tired soul could stop me from doing something I wanted to do, I finally decided to cut staring from the balcony and start doing something. My movements weren't that fast, but my feelings and ideas were surely in a rush. I took a quick bath before I went on to wear a dark blue dress that was down to my ankles. I also paired it with a thick jacket that I expect to do well in, shielding me from the cold.

I left the room with full hopes and determination to find clues wherever Cassius was. With my head held high, I walked down the hallway with all my might. I was busy thinking about him as I roamed the place, absolutely multi-tasking as I also focused on my way to nowhere. Windows are open, and not so long as I continue to pave my way on the large hallways, the breeze would enter the mansion by the windows and accompany me.

I sighed. I wasn't numb; as I continued slowly, I could feel the stares following me each step. It was unnerving if I would be honest. But then, sometime, I just couldn't force things to happen and go my way. All I can do is just ignore them because I know, for sure, that their stares at me won't last that long. They would also surely mind and return to their businesses as soon as they tire of staring. My hands casually slide down to my pocket.

Time continued to pass until I didn't notice it at all. The last time was I was just at the hall while still searching for him, and suddenly, the next I just knew was that I was already in the garden, continuing with my mission. I was hoping to see his shadows at least, but something inside me is telling me he won't let that happen.

My fast-beating heart didn't let me calm down even briefly. I continued looking around while holding on tightly to my hopes. I started this day with determination, and I didn't want to let myself down. I don't want to go back to his room while unable to achieve what I want to happen because, frankly speaking, it would only make me look like a freaking loser.

Like how I always used to be, it was all tiring. My feet already felt tired from all my walking, plus the sun rays hitting my face and body. The sun shone brightly in the sky, and I was still wearing my jacket. It already feels like I was bathing with sweat, which is unacceptable since I just bathed this morning. It only has been an hour.

Happiness ran through me when I realized it wasn't raining earlier because I was planning to look around and go outside, but now, I just want to take it all back. I wouldn't say I like sunny days that much, and what was happening currently only made me lose interest in it more. That's why when I realized I was left with no choice other than removing my jacket to end all the discomforts, I threw a tantrum by stomping my feet hard on the ground. It wasn't very reassuring.

My steps continued while I was on the pathway, walking outside the mansion. I was blown away by all the mansion's details, which isn't good, slightly washing me away from my main focus. That's why I decided to take control by looking around again. My eyes never failed to examine even the small places my eyesight could reach, but still, the results remained the same; there were no traces of him around that could be found. It was depressing.

Where the in the world did he even go? Is he doing this? My lips pressed to each other while trying to control my temper. I wouldn't even dare to deny that it was my fault that things ended up this way. I felt guilty and was probably the mixture of the worst thing in the world.

I don't deserve to feel bad when this was all my fault. We just started, yet this relationship is stressing us out. It is so draining, and I wouldn't say I like it. And even though I want everything to be alright, including my relationship with him, on the other hand, I also couldn't help to look forward and imagine how toxic and unhealthy it might be if we'll continue being like this. If only I could just simply disappear like a bubble anytime I'd like to, I surely would. But then, I cannot do such a thing, and it is more important if I'd just pay attention to what is happening now, even though it was out of my will. I sighed.

I almost forgot that the weather today was nice and was nice. I'm pretty sure that today, they might do the release of Gael. One more thing to do; it only takes an announcement and a signal from Kairo, and everything will surely go to what I've planned in my head. My steps were light as I continued to walk; not wanting to stop, I lifted my vision from the ground to look at my environment again.

I was holding the jacket in my arms with my full patience, but I almost dropped it on the dirty ground when I saw someone I wasn't ready to see and interact with again. Immediately, I decided to hide and head to the nearest large tree so he to not see me. But before I could even start doing it— my soul left my body when he did. He waved his hand as I saw him carve a smile. He was with his guards, and he was also with Eloise. And I know that what he just did will surely confuse Eloise.

They were both talking and were heading in my direction. Kairo stopped and focused on me when he noticed me being on the way. I was pressured. While afraid of what others might say, I returned his smile as I gradually started to turn around. I was planning to run. But then, Kairo was too fast, and he managed to get to me in seconds. I've got no choice but to face him. He ran meters and was panting heavily when he finally got to me.

My vision darted first on his back and saw that Eloise and all the guards were already on his back following. Accidentally, I caught Eloise's gaze, and she immediately rolled her eyes.

"Raya! I've been looking forward to seeing you because I haven't seen you for days. How are you?" Kairo said and was smiling to the core as he waited for my reply. But then, all I could think about was Eloise being on his back. I even thought she had no plans to interfere with my communication with him, but she proved me wrong by asking Kairo a question while keeping her eyes on me with judgment. "Both of you seem already close to each other, huh?" None of us replied to Eloise's question, which caused me a bit of joy.

She deserves all the silence because she's just wasting my time. I wonder if he could be fake in front of the Alpha, though. "Have you eaten breakfast already?"Kairo asked softly. "Uh... yes," And it was a lie. I didn't eat, and now, I was feeling a little hungry; I just didn't have the face to say it. Kairo looked at my eyes thoroughly. And it was like he could read what was on my mind. "I don't think so," he uttered. "We were just about to have breakfast; I would love and appreciate it if you'd join us, Raya,"

Kairo gave me a warm smile as he pleaded with me continuously with his words. Meanwhile, Eloise, on the other side, didn't seem to like what is happening. "What?" she uttered. "We just had breakfast, and we were about to head over to—" She didn't finish what she wanted to say when Kairo hit her slightly with his right elbow. Eloise immediately got what she deserved. She kept quiet. "So what do you think?" Remembering why I got out of the room, I think I could gather information from them about Cassius's whereabouts. I was silent for a short moment before I decided to reply.

"Sure,"