Chapter 17 17
"I'll give you more than one. You don't have to marry me to be a father— this past week proved that to me if it didn't to you. Marriage for the sake of giving a child her father's name is not necessary."
"It is."
She glanced at him, then twisted in the seat to check on her daughter, who was happily chewing on a cracker and making a mess of Stefan's car.
"I need more reasons than that.”
“Oh do you now?”
Alana groaned, "Stefan, this isn't a 'Can you top this?' discussion."
"You made it that," he snapped as he pulled up beside a park. He didn't say anything as he got out and went to the trunk. Alana took her daughter from the car seat and just stood by as Stefan became a master in baby-outing logistics. In less than two minutes he had a picnic spread under a tree far enough away from the other people enjoying the park to be private.
Alana sat down and put Juliana on the blanket. Stefan set out some toys, then opened the cooler and took out sodas. He offered one to Alana and had his popped and half-empty before she'd taken a sip. She had the feeling that he wished it was a stronger drink.
"You're angry." She said.
"Yes, dammit. You know, I've never proposed to a woman before. It's not something I'm going into blind."
He looked more hurt than angry and her heart split a little. He deserved to know it all. "Well, I've accepted proposals before and as a result, I've got my eyes wide open."
His gaze snapped to her. "You've been engaged? When?"
She felt his anger building and hurried to say, "Before I met you. One was a few months before."
Stefan tried to keep calm, but the thought of Alana agreeing to marry any man but him made him feel incredibly jealous and a little cheated. "What happened?"
Alana took the sandwich he offered and with her other hand stroked Juliana's hair. "I loved Craig and he decided that his secretary was a better choice."
"How long were you engaged?"
"Long enough for me to be selecting china."
Stefan groaned. "The guy was a moron."
"Yes, well, I take great comfort that his marriage to her didn't last as long as our engagement, but then about two years later I grew stupid again."
"Falling in love is not stupid."
"No, it's not. Marriage to the wrong person for the wrong reasons is."
Stefan held his temper. Why did she think that just because they'd created a beautiful child before marriage they were so wrong for each other? "What did the second guy do?"
"You don't think it was me?"
"No, I don't, because you're a beautiful, smart woman, Alana."
She held his gaze, wondering if he'd still be around if it wasn't for the baby they shared. She'd always wonder that, and it was a bigger reason not to marry him. "I found him in bed with a flashy blonde."
"Bastard."
"He said I was uptight and couldn't get with the program, whatever that meant. He was a professional football player."
Stefan could hear the hurt in Alana's voice even though she obviously tried to hide it. "Well, there you go. Cheerleaders, road trips, potential for mischief."
Her expressive eyes blazed like embers. "And that's a good reason to propose to me, then betray me?"
"No, it's not. There's no reason for that at all. But it wasn't your fault. The fault was in his character."
"Neither of them loved me enough not to stray, Stefan. That's a mistake I won't make again."
She stared at her hands as she unwrapped the sandwich, and the pangs of sympathy and understanding swelled through Stefan. She looked so lost and wounded. He clenched his fists against the urge to take her in his arms and ease the pain she was still feeling.
After a moment Alana let out a breath and took a bite of her sandwich. "Oh, man, this is great. What's in it?"
"Something I saw on TV or read somewhere. I'm not sure."
Her brows rose, her smile genuine. "You're turning into something I don't recognize." She said.
"I haven't changed." His gaze fell on the baby. "Well, maybe a little."
"How's it been for you?"
"Scary. Wonderful. Proud. Scary."
"You said that twice."
"It's twice as frightening to know that I'm responsible for someone else's happiness. At least till she's eighteen, and by then I'll have her locked in a tower." Stefan told her.
"Only knights in armor allowed?"
"Yeah," he said, grinning. "I think of what she'll look like in a few years, how she'll think of me."
"Yeah, me, too," Alana said, and they both touched the baby at the same time. His fingers instantly wrapped around hers. She met his gaze.
"Those other guys were fools. And I bet they're regretting the hell out of it right now."
"I doubt it."
"I'm not them, Alana."
"Oh, Stefan, I know that," she said softly, pulling free. "But if you and I got married, we'd be going in with more than roaming libidos against us."
"You're insulting me. I'd never do that stuff to you."
"You don't love me. That's the key here, Stefan. I loved those men and was willing to overlook faults to be with them. So, don't tell me that a marriage will make things just magically work out. I've got the experience that says they won't."
So it was love then, he thought. Aloud, he said, "Other than the fact that those two men were not good enough for you, those were bad choices."
"And I'm not about to make another one by marrying for a name change."
"It's more than a name," Stefan said, grinding his teeth. He knew now that she was protecting herself, her heart. He suddenly recalled the night they'd made their daughter.
Don't make promises you can't keep, she'd told him. I'm not… I can't put my hopes on a man.
She'd been jilted twice already and didn't trust her feelings enough to put faith in them. In believing there wasn't a chance for her and Stefan beyond a name on a license, she couldn't get hurt again. It was bad enough she didn't trust him not to desert her, and even harder to deal with a woman who didn't think she had the potential to be worthy of a man's fidelity.