Ceaselessly
I did not expect that. Truly. My wolf sits on her hind legs watching this female from her view, she likes her. She wishes to bring her into our group of females. I do not understand where she has derived such good intentions from, but I do not trust until it is proven that I can. My wolf sees and understands things that I do not but she must wait for me to make my decision.
"I had always dreamed of meeting you, we heard the news of you. News of your reign, of your righteousness, of how you protect females. You were my role model growing up, I wanted to be strong as you." She explains her interest in me grabbing the small book from her pocket opening it up to me to show me her drawings. Of how she imagined I looked like.
I take the book gently from her hands, curiosity erupting as I flip through the pages. "What do you want from me?" I ask scanning through her coloured sketches of me.
"To be a warrior. To be your warrior. I wish to be trained by you." She utters looking up at me with hopeful eyes.
"Why do you wish to be a warrior?" I ask her my eyes meeting hers, a look of intimidation I give her to see if she would succumb to it. She does not know that her answer to this shall be helping my decision.
Her spine straight head high she declares in a confident tone. "Because I think I can change this world. Because I wish to fight for what is right." Such a simple answer but it holds meaning. It holds her truth.
Wolves turn around to see what the noise is about as I calmly analyze this female from head to toe. Yes, she is not physically ready but mentally she is. She could be my asset if well trained and nurtured. She possesses the inner strength, the true essence of a warrior. This is what my wolf saw before I did. Females truly are beautiful creatures.
Hands move backwards to clasp behind my back legs separated in a position at ease. "State your name and rank." I command.
She frowns confusion sparking within her. "I do not understand."
"This is the first question warriors are asked before they start training. Now, state your name and rank."
Her eyes widen to my words light flowing through her like electricity. Her dream is so simple for me to grant, it is a good dream of hers. I hope she knows that.
"My name is Nelly. I was one of the hunters for the pack." She replies copying my position replying to me with vigour and determination.
"Your name. It means the shining light yes?"
"Yes, Luna." She answers.
"Then I hope that you shall shine your light on any darkness that our pack shall come across. Warrior, Nelly." I give her a soft smile. I was wrong. This was not the doing of the female of sin but the moon. Nelly will replace the coldness into warmth, I am sure of it.
She shrieks a little excitement taking a hold of her as she dives into me, hands around my waist a hug she offers me as I stand still surprised by her unhesitant action. A few seconds pass for her to gasp and let me go. Her cheeks burn with her embarrassment a red hue paints her flesh. "I apologize. I-I was not thinking."
I chuckle at her antics, she is quite cute I must say. "Find my beta, Elriam. Say that I have initiated you into the warrior training. She shall guide you from there."
"Thank you, Luna." Nelly bows deeply eyes welling up with tears. I understand this feeling, the overwhelming feeling of accomplishment when dreams come true. She gives me not one but two consecutive bows showing me her happiness earning another chuckle from me.
Whilst she wanders away in search of Elriam asking my wolves where she might be, lips curve up into a soft smile. I cannot help but feel this could be the beginning of her blooming. She will make a good warrior.
With one final glance at her retreating back, I plod to where he lies to where his sorrowful scent speaks to me. His soul is bare, yet he is not calling me merely mourning by himself. Emotions he thinks he must handle alone without showing any weakness on display.
Each step I climb up towards where he is present has my heart mourn with him, his emotions are mine. I peer into the familiar hallway, it has been quite some time since I came here. Somehow, the hallway seems darker and colder. Unwelcoming and closed off. Is this a reflection of him? Of his feelings towards my absence?
I notice the curtains are not pulled back to allow light in, something I made sure to do every morning. With a low sigh reaching up to the flaps I pull them back content as the sun pours her warmth through the glass slicing away the eerieness of the place. There must always be light to consume the darkness for darkness pushes one away from true happiness. Is this why Deimos named me Lumina?
Taking a deep breath in to calm the rapid beats of my heart I stride towards the bedroom surprised to find the door wide open. A sign that his wolves can come speak to him of his actions or the decision that he made if they wish to.
He sits at the edge of the bed we once shared upper body bare whilst his fingers are nudged onto his forehead eyes closed eyebrows pushed down in a frown. He is drowning in his thoughts that he is unaware of my presence.
"Deimos." I whisper standing by the door not taking a step into his cave until he welcomes me in just like I was another regular wolf.
He slowly gazes up at me and offers me a weak smile. "Mate. Come in, you do not have to wait outside. This is your home." He utters shifting into a more comfortable position, the bed groaning to his movements. Deimos never calls me by my name respecting my wish to not be called as such by him. It feels like we have retreated to our initial meeting when he calls me mate.
I peek at the bowl filled with water next to a washcloth placed by his feet. "What is that for?" I question trudging towards him eyes lingering on the floor, unable to meet his that beckon mine. My voice is soft as if I were speaking to a pup, I saw the war within him. I know how he feels at this moment.
"To wipe away the blood." He mutters peering down. I gasp at his words swiftly moving towards his flesh worried eyes scanning for wounds. This male cannot live a day without getting hurt. I do not touch him, merely sweep through his entirety so I can help him with any cuts. He at least deserves such from me as a Luna.
"Show me." I say whilst kneeling as he spreads his legs for me to nudge myself in between. He watches my movements with a gentle look as if now he possessed a little peace.
He opens his trembling palms to me. "Do you see it? My flesh stained with the blood of my warriors?" He questions whilst he struggles to breathe. He feels as though he shall never be forgiven for his deed as if he has committed a crime that the moon shall never pardon him for.
Challenges are common in packs where many are killed this way. But this is Deimos's own emotions he is fighting, for he possessed personal and close relationships with his warriors and this is what haunts him.
There is no blood, it is his guilt that makes it true to his eyes. Guilt will eat at him until there is nothing more left of him to devour. Holding his palm in my left hand gathering the washcloth with my right dipping it into the water I clean his bare palm gently.
"I shall wipe it for you." I whisper as he lets me do it with no words of opposition.
"Evander, Chariton, Azarios, Glaucus, Koios." He says names of males out loudly. "These were the names of some of the warriors my wolf slaughtered mercilessly. I knew each one of them, they were good males. I saw the pain in their eyes before some shifted, they did not wish to go against me but they did so for the pack despite knowing the brutality of my wolf." The pack indeed always comes first.
"I know. I saw it, I felt you." I speak my truth cleaning his other palm off the blood only he sees.
"How shall I seek absolution? The moon shall take something from me for this. She can have anything she pleases except you and Kal." He declares eyes staring into a distance.
"Deimos." I whisper his name in an achingly soft tone, hoping it shall calm the storm brewing within him. His eyes snap back to me as he searches mine seeking my truth.
"It has been a long time since you called me like this. It feels nice."
"I shall pardon you." I utter finally meeting his emeralds, the light within him has dimmed.
"What?" He asks frowning, a state of confusion he slips into.
As I clean his palm I say, "Look, I am cleaning you off the blood of your warriors, aren't I? I am cleaning you off your guilt too. This pack is ours Deimos, I will not let any wolf take it away and so should you. This pack is the link to our souls."
His eyes widen to my words to him, he seems to be in shock as if unbelieving that I am speaking such words to him. Perhaps he is thinking that he is imagining it.
"Thank you, my female." He whispers his palm rising to hold my cheek thumb sliding across my cheekbone with a gentleness. I allow him this. Leaning down with a slowness to his movement, he searches my eyes for my consent before placing his lips upon the flesh of my neck over my mark. An intimate gesture meant only for comfort and to show his gratefulness.
I shiver uncontrollably my fingers digging into the material of my jeans eyes fluttering shut I indulge in the feelings that erupt within me. A beautiful feeling that pulls me to stay and drown in his warmth. As he moves away from my flesh I grab the back of his neck and pull him back down to me swiftly.
He grunts with the unwarned movement eyes widening questioning mine. Leaning forward I push my trembling lips onto his mark that I gave him. He gasps clutching into the mattress for dear life as the entirety of his being sways. His control on the brink of slipping away as he fights a war within himself. Hands that wish to bound me to him move beneath his thighs staying there caged until I remove myself away from his warmth.
"You chose the right path, Deimos. Our male has a new canvas now as you said. Let us watch him grow and paint it as he pleases. Together." I whisper.
He smiles a painful smile as if a weight has been lifted off his shoulders. A weight that had been tying him down digging a hole to bury him deep under. "Together." He whispers back with a curt nod.
"Why did you not allow me to fight with you? Why did you not let me know of your decision?" I ask. If perhaps I had known before we could have planned it together, we could have fought for this as one.
"Because this was my decision to make, this was my fight. Because I did not want you on that stage. I did not want their fury to turn towards you. I needed you safe from their wrath, I needed you blind to it for that way they shall know you did not influence my decision. That I had made it myself seeking change." He speaks his truth. He wished to protect me from being burnt from the flames.
"This decision, why did you truly make it?"
Serious emeralds burn brightly to my question. "For you. For our male." He answers with no hesitation.
"Why now?" I ask getting up slowly sitting on the bed next to him. Our arms touch, flesh against flesh, the heat of his body entices me pulling me into a trance-like bubble. I am no longer uncomfortable with it rather highly aware as if it were the very first time.
"Because I made peace with it. With killing my wolves. I had made this decision long ago but I was in fear every time I spoke with my warriors for I did not know whose life I would be taking."
It was a difficult decision to make for it came with a price. Choices bring consequences, he has now faced it. This is a consequence he has to deal with. Another grave he must save himself from.
"Perhaps being my mate is hard for you, Deimos. There are always battles you must fight because of who I am." I whisper. This is no insecurity of mine, rather some of my thoughts that often consumes me. I had always wanted an answer to this, I had always wished to know of this.
His hands fly forward with swiftness to capture my shoulders turning me to face him so I can meet his eyes. So I can see his truth. "Never. Never have I thought of you this way. I told you once I shall tell you again. I am blessed to have you as my female."
"And what of the battles, you must face on my behalf? Perhaps even on Kal's behalf in the future?"
"I will do just as you have done in the past and still do for me." He whispers, almost radiant emeralds shinning whilst they regard me.
"I do not understand what you mean." I reply as he shifts closer to me, the warmth of his palms seeps through my clothes to touch my flesh. As if I was being engulfed in flames but still safe and untouched.
"I will fight. I will fight for you and Kal. Ceaselessly. " His words to me seemed as if he were making a promise. A promise he shall uphold till the moon calls for him.