You Do Not Understand Me
"This will be a bit cold." The healer whispers to me whilst she smears a clear blue gel over my abdomen. Her hands are rough skin torn apart by a healer's work. I flinch slightly as the freezing gel is smoothed upon my flesh. Looking at the watch she keeps the time in check waiting for my body to absorb it.
Elriam stands behind, her fingers twitching uncontrollably. It happens whenever she is nervous or concerned. Her eyes are calm but her body gives her away. I can see the silhouette of Ragon behind the curtain. He waits patiently but the tension burning through the room cannot be avoided.
"All right I am going to feel you now." The healer says as her palms are laid flat over my uterus and she begins a slow massage giving little pressure. Highly experienced with this she does it with her eyes closed, eyebrows meeting in a frown, attention completely upon her hands.
Elriam has begun chewing upon her lips and Ragon is shuffling around both trying to calm themselves down. My heart pounds and my fingers clutch the sheets. So many scenarios flood through my mind adding fuel to the fire. Perhaps no good shall come out of this.
The time ticks and she continues frowning further. Something must be wrong. She is taking a long time, her frown deepens again. The healer scares me with her antics. I shut my eyes close not wishing to hear this. Strong. I need to be strong.
She suddenly stops and there is a pin drop silence that envelopes the room. I bite my inner cheek ready to hear what she has to say. "At the moment nothing. The pill hasn't harmed you. Perhaps because you did not take the second one." She says.
"Thank goddess." Elriam whispers with a sigh of pure relief.
"However we cannot be completely sure without the test. I will need your urine to finalize its effects. It takes around six weeks so return by then." The healer adds.
I slowly get up off the bed placing my feet upon the cold floor. Elriam comes over to me helping me up. I can hear Ragon on the phone. I know whom he is talking to.
With a nod of thanks, I head outside with the two Betas' hot on my heels. We just returned last night and Deimos made sure I was in for the check-up as soon as daylight arrived. Ragon hasn't said anything about it maintaining his boundaries but he knows.
"I will leave first. I need to talk to him." I say keeping my head high eyes straight ahead. I don't like the way I am feeling right now. I must make sure to express it to him.
Elriam nods as Ragon maintains his space standing away hands meeting behind his back head bowed. He knows this a female's situation and he mustn't involve himself.
I quickly stride over to where Deimos is. He told me on the ride back yesterday that it will take almost another seven months until we return home. It saddens me deeply I thought we would get there earlier. I am dying to reunite with my females.
Deimos has kept his space from me as well, as soon as we returned last he left to his office and never returned. He might think it is all right to do so but I do not. My strides are heavy as they pound the earth. My heart pumping for I am upset.
Climbing up the stairs walking towards his office, I don't knock rather barge in. Both Giovanni and Deimos look up at the sudden intrusion. Giovanni smiles in greeting.
"How was the trip, Luna?" He asks softly eyes shining brightly.
"How long will you keep being formal with me Giovanni? We know each other much better than that." I reply with a gentle smile.
His eyes widen in surprise as he clears his throat and nods whilst his cheeks turn into a light hue of red. He is flustered I believe. "Zia Lumina." He says changing his greeting paying heed to my words.
"It was a good trip. Thank you, Gio." I whisper using his nickname and he blushes further. This Alpha male is still so young, I find him undeniably cute. His female would have the ability to wrap him around her finger.
My attention then turns to the other male in the room as his bloodshot eyes gaze at me with an eerie calmness. Huge dark eye bags lie below those emeralds'. He hasn't slept, undesired thoughts had encaged him. "We need to talk." I tell him.
"I am in the middle of something, Lumina. Later." Deimos utters looking back at the documents. There he goes again, running. He runs when things get uncomfortable for him. He knows about the results of my checkup so he is at peace but doesn't wish to hear directly from my mouth.
"I can come back if-" Giovanni begins but Deimos cuts him off.
"Sit, Gio. We are in the middle of your training." He reprimands finger gripping the papers at hand harshly.
"Now!" I insist, the authority within me surging that startles them both. "Now, Deimos." I calm my voice down yet the tone remains the same. A command. Giovanni looks back and forth from his uncle to me feeling the tension saturating the air.
"Ti chiamo tra pochi minuti." Deimos utters to Giovanni keeping his eyes on me. Giovanni quickly gets up and leaves walking around me shutting the door softly behind him.
("I will call you in a few minutes.")
"Did you hear of the results?" I ask him arms folded across my chest. The first hint of self-protection.
"Yes. I did." He replies whilst getting up and thrusting his hands into the depths of his pockets.
"And you do not care enough to discuss it with me?" I question as he walks over to the window eyes peering through the glass watching the wolves outside. I know of his tactics, he is putting space between us. He doesn't wish to have this talk take place.
"I already know about it, my female. What else is there to talk about?" He questions tone careless as if he doesn't care but I know him well now to see he is putting on an act.
"Where were you last night?" I ask the question burning through my mind. I wish to know why he hadn't returned to my side.
"You know I was working, Lumina." He says his attention still away from me not meeting my eyes. Voice cold floating farther from the warmth I have grown accustomed to.
"Must you act like this?" I scream with frustration and he finally meets my eyes acknowledging my existence. "Must you blame me?" Another question thrown about in the cold air for him to answer.
"What do you want me to say, Lumina? What do you want from me?" It is his turn to raise his voice. I neither flinch nor shudder. This conversation must take place even if it means we have to throw knives at the other. I came prepared.
"You didn't want a pup." My first accusation. I take the first throw. The postponed confrontation shall come alive.
"Yes, and if you had been patient you would have known that it had changed. But no, you had to take a damn birth pill and behind my fucking back!" He shouts the pain he hid. His anger has risen. The Alpha in him surging and so does mine.
"I didn't take it because I didn't want to have a pup with you! I took it to protect our bond." I state my truth.
"Why? Is our bond hanging on a thread, Lumina? Our bond has flourished gone through thousands of hurdles. We have risen as mates yet you lie Lumina. You lie!" He expresses his hidden fury. It isn't the fact that I took the pill rather it is that I lied to him, that he cannot bear.
"How was I supposed to know, Deimos? We never spoke of having pups it was a hard conversation for you." He gazes at me chest heaving this conversation heading south both filled with anger neither one willing to compromise.
"Don't you dare put this on me, Lumina! It is a shame. It is a shame not for you but for me as an Alpha as a mate if our pack knew what you had done. This goes against everything." He says running his fingers harshly through his hair.
"This isn't entirely my fault! I-" I begin as he cuts me off.
"All you had to do was tell me, goddammit. I would have eased your fears." He yells pacing around the floor fists clenched by his sides.
"You do not understand me! You still do not understand why I did it." I holler both our wolves letting out small whimpers for us to hear. They don't like this. My wolf wishes to comfort her mate and so does his beast.
"I don't want to have this talk anymore, Lumina." He utters with a silent snarl but I don't pay heed to his words digging out the words buried deep.
"No! We will finish this talk. I was scared, I didn't want anything to harm us." I remark my truth.
"Then you didn't believe in us, Lumina. Now enough. This argument is going nowhere." He voices his frustration.
"Stop it. You were hinting your disinterest. You were hinting your true wishes." I continue further pushing him so we can at least try to understand the other this way.
"Fine! We are both to blame! I didn't tell you properly and you hid from me now I have had enough!" He bellows voice booming across the walls as his palms bang the desk harshly a glass cup falling and shattering into pieces upon the floor. I visibly flinch to his aggression.
Chest heaving. Jaw clenched. Fists shaking. Pin drop silence. We stand watching the other anger not subsiding rather increasing. My mind is consumed by fury and I am unable to control the words that fly out my mouth.
"I don't want a mate who does not understand me." I say staring deep into his eyes. He flinches to my words and his flesh trembles, my words showing its effects on him. It isn't fair that I strike my arrow he needs to do it too and so he does.
"I don't want a mate who lies and hides things from me." He says gritting his teeth looking at me from beneath his lashes. An intake of breath from my side killing the silence. Lips quivering, tears welling I look away arms hugging my flesh a shield that manifests and stands tall to protect myself from his burning words.