Run
The sunlight burns my eyelids as it pours through the open binds. My body sore after everything that happened last night, I do not possess the slightest energy to move. I slowly open my eyes the first of rays hitting my pupil and I flinch in distaste. Why must it shine so brightly today? Why today of all days?
With a groan, I heave myself up so my head rests against the headboard of the bed. My eyes search for water and find a freshly poured one sitting upon the side table. Grabbing the cup, I gulp down the contents as quickly as possible in need to soften my dry throat.
I glide my eyes across the room to see if I went crazy in my heat and did some damage. But the room looks clean as always. My head strikes a lightening of pain and I clench my eyes holding my temple softly. As memories of what I did to Deimos surface my cheeks burn. This is embarrassing.
The door opens and Elriam walks in with a towel. As her eyes find mine, they widen and she rushes to my side. Holding my hand in hers softly she scans over my body. "How are you feeling, Alpha?" She questions me gently as I smile softly.
"I feel better." I reply as she sighs a breath of relief. "Last night was hard, yes?" I question as she frowns.
"Last night?" She asks and I nod. "When you were in heat?" She asks once more and I nod frowning. "That was five days ago." She replies and I shiver.
"I have been out for five days?" I ask her and she nods looking down.
"It was my fault Alpha. It was the shot I gave you. You are strong so I didn't know how much to give you and I guess it was a little too much." Her head faced down; hands shake while lips wobble. She's upset.
Patting her head softly I make her look at me. "It's alright." I say softly as she nods tears streaming down her face. This was my first heat. Though pups go into heat as juveniles many only do so when they find their mates. And that seems to be the case for me.
After our conversation, I take a quick shower. I do not stink as it seems that Elriam has been cleaning me every day. Deimos didn't let any males inside the room, not even Jace. Putting my hair up in a bun I slowly step down the stairs my eyes searching for my male.
As I walk across the kitchen the sound of laughter stops me and I find Deimos surrounded by his warriors laughing and taking a gulp of his beer. My females sit a bit far from the males chattering softly but the males' laughter tune out the females' voices.
I don't enter in completely watching him from the shadows. The way his lips tilt up showing his perfect canines as he smiles. The way his throat moves to his quick gulps. His voice is deep as he jokes with his males. I watch as the muscle of his bicep contracts to his every move. The tightness of his jeans upon his thighs brings a need to my core. Perhaps my heat hasn't ended yet.
"Alpha why are you out here? Let's go inside." Elriam sneaks up behind me guiding me inside the kitchen as the chatter stops to complete silence. Eyes stare at me scanning my unmarked neck but it's the scorching heat of Deimos's that I feel the most.
Clenching the bottle tightly in his hands as it shakes softly, he places it on the counter. Grabbing my neck, he brings me into his warmth. His nose going straight into the nape of my neck taking in my scent while his canines nip and pull at my skin. "My female." He says looking into my eyes.
"Deimos." I whisper feeling pleasure in his touch.
"Didn't I say she will return soon? My female is strong." Deimos says to the wolves' chest puffed with pride.
"Not many females can wake up this soon with the amount of dosage Elriam gave you. Some may never wake up." Jace says as Elriam flinches. She's still upset.
The warriors and my females present regard us with a smile but I feel the curiosity radiating from them in waves. Deimos never once let’s go off my eyes. "Ask what you wish." He says to the wolves.
A brave wolf comes forth with his question. "Why is she unmarked yet? Is she not our Luna?" He questions loudly as I flinch from his slight accusation. Deimos bites my cheek in answer to my flinch. Holding me deeper within his arms he regards the wolf.
"She is and will always be your Luna. I haven't marked her because I am weak and am not ready. She is but I am not. There is no need to rush. Unless you all have a problem?" Deimos asks as he calms the storm with his dark eyes gazing from one wolf to another.
The wolves bow down in acceptance and submission to their Alpha. Deimos holds my hand leading me outside as the soft breeze soothes my skin. "Deimos, I wish to apologize." I say as he frowns.
"For what?" He asks in reply
"The thing I did... you know when I..." I cannot seem to finish the sentence only leaving him with the cues for him to understand as my cheeks burn in embarrassment.
"When you almost took me?" He finishes the sentence as I look away.
"I do not know what was wrong with me. The only thought was to have you inside me. I had no control over what I was doing. My nature took control. I was burning." I say my truth as he nods in understanding.
"It's because you are no Luna." He says calmly his back to me as I flinch to his words.
"What?" Is all I manage to say in response to the words that strike deep within my heart.
"It's because you are an Alpha, my female. You were born with the crown, the strongest female so your nature came forth to take her mate the way she wanted. To dominate." He says turning back to me. "My Lumina." He says softly sliding his thumb across my cheekbone.
"Your self-control surprises me." I speak.
"It surprises me too." He replies with a smile.
"Then why won't you have me? My next heat will be even more painful. It will be harder for both of us." I move closer to him placing my palm upon his chest as he shivers to my touch. The bond sparking to life. "Why are we torturing ourselves? Are we not mates?"
"We already had this discussion, Lumina. I don't want to be forced into it by the heat I want it to happen on its own." He says holding my hand is his. He always ends this question with the same words about how I would end up feeling. I will not end this until I get my answer today.
"You speak as if you have never been between a female's legs! I should be the one to say this. I am the one who has to feel the pain of the next heat! You should have done your duty as my mate." I say frustrated. Anger seeping as it ruffles Deimos up. I am scared of the pain my next heat will bring but I will not tell him.
"Yes, I am no saint but I am your first! If I took you that day you would have felt more pain of me fucking you. You might have screamed for me to stop but I would have still taken you over and over. Is that how you want your first time to go? Fucking without thoughts or words? Our minds clouded with lust and pleasure? " He replies with his anger rising to the surface.
I look away from him. If I open my mouth, I will spew words I would regret. My anger is burning at the moment I need to calm down. Why is he overthinking this? I just want to mark him to finally claim his as mine. Why must I fight for everything in my life?
"And what if I took you that night, what if I couldn't control it and came inside you? Are you ready for a pup Lumina? Are we ready?" He continues hitting me with his questions which seems so right but somehow wrong to me.
I finally look into his eyes and see his truth. He had it perfectly hidden covered under a dark blanket. But now that his emotions are running about the blanket has been lifted slightly and I finally see it. How could I have been blind? Why didn't I see this before?
"You lie." I speak.
"What?" He asks frowning.
"You lie! Perhaps these are reasons but it is not the key reason." I tell him head held high showing I have found him out.
Deimos takes a deep breath closing his eyes trying to reign in his frustration. "You are afraid." Is all I say as Deimos's eyes snap open and stare deep into mine.
"You are afraid of marking me. Of feeling me completely. You are afraid of my soul Deimos." I show him his truth as he swipes through his hair looking away not meeting my eyes. I am right.
I close my eyes in fear of the answer he might give me to question I am about to ask him. I feel the tension vibrating between us. Deimos wants nothing but to put an end to this conversation or perhaps this argument.
"Do...you love me, my male?" I ask him softly as his breath hitches in his throat.
Deimos clenches his jaw tightly as his fists shake. He doesn't wish to answer I see. I don't want to force him. I don't need words he has shown me with his actions. Tears come forth once more and I shut my eyes close. I just thought that... maybe just maybe he might... I was wrong is all I can think.
I don't meet his eyes and all I do is a nod to show him I understand. "You don't understand, Lumina." He says his voice low as if he is in pain. He brings his fists up towards chest as he beats harshly upon it. "You don't understand my fear! How it feels when you lose the ones you love. I shall never take that risk again. I would rather us be like this than sink into our depths."
As tears flow down my cheeks the pain in his eyes seems to increase. "I care about the present more Deimos. You are my male, mine! My future is you. I have every right to your heart and you to mine. How much longer will you fight me? How much longer will you fight what we can have, what we should have?" I scream my pain to him as he fights his wolf.
Eyes shift from green to black over and over again. Canines elongating as a deep growl rumbles from within his chest. His wolf seeping through with an urge to protect. Not me but him.
"Lumina, please." Is all he says. His shoulders shake with the weight he holds at the moment. Has he always been carrying this weight? Hiding it away from sight putting up a front of his strength while he was breaking inside.
I feel his pain, his fight against himself. He is fighting against his heart. His mind and heart are at war. So, I will not hold it against him. "Deimos, come here." I say my voice gentle as if speaking to a pup. As I touch him his eyes filled with pain meet mine and his wolf tears through the skin.
He wasn't able to handle the pain so his wolf tore through to provide strength just as mine did before. He whines softly sniffing my calves up to my thighs to my hips. With a lick to my hand, he runs off into the trees deep and away from my sight.
We both seem to be at different points right now. He pushes me away and runs while I pull him back to me. I understand him but his truth still strikes my soul deep making it bleed.
How much longer will he run until I tire and finally choose to let him go?