His Apology
Have you ever felt the battle of mind and heart? While your mind strikes the arrows your heart shields itself and fights back with its own set of arrows. It's a painful dance. Your fight within yourself.
Everything around me is a complete blur, my ears tune out the excited voices and my eyes focus on the male in front of me. All I can see; all I can feel is him. He stands tall, eyes focused on mine not making a move. I watch him showing nothing on my face but inside me, I burn with need.
I longed for him and my wish has been granted yet my pain doesn't seem to subside. I feel like I am caged without a choice. My heart is happy that he is here yet my mind reminds me of his actions. How do I win this?
Deimos takes a step forward breaking me from my trance and I immediately take a step behind. He watches my action glaring at my feet and back into my eyes. As he prepares to take another step forward, I put my hand up, palm facing towards him.
"Stop." He pays no heed to my words as he continues taking steps forward and I keep staggering back. As he got closer the more nervous, I got.
"I said stop!" My voice is loud and serious. He stops mid-step and places his feet back together taking a step back. He watches me carefully, my every movement. Calculating in his mind. He doesn't want me to run. If I do his eyes show promise of a chase.
My chest takes in puffs of air as I find it hard to breathe. Excitement and pain being the two main causes. Fighting trying to overtake the other. "Why are you here?" I ask him trying my best to look strong and not stutter. He clenches his jaw as he looks away.
Composing himself, his eyes return to mine he answers me. "My mate refuses to come back home. I am here to take her back."
My heart pounds as he says the word home. He considers the castle our home. I scoff as he puts his hands in his pockets and tilts his head. He is trying to see through me, he is trying to derive my real feelings. He cannot see as I am hiding them.
"I don't think your mate wishes to return. She loves it here and prefers to stay." I tell him with confidence as he raises his right brow upwards acknowledging my words.
"I think I gave her enough time to calm down. Don't you think she needs to return and take up her duty as Luna?" He questions me in his ever so calm voice. His words irritate me. Give me enough time to calm down? He is talking about me like I am some emotional juvenile pup!
Taking a deep breath, I reign in my anger. I look deep into his eyes my chest heaving. "You have no right to say that. This is all your fault!"
Deimos calmly regards me hands balled into fists. "Listen well and listen good. You will return and you will rule by my side. You do not have a choice in this matter. Stop acting like a pup!" His voice grows louder with every word.
"I will never return and will stay here till the day the moon takes me. I will never be yours again!" I scream as he bares his teeth growling deep. His eyes pitch black showing me he doesn't like my tone.
I bare my teeth towards him in return and growl louder. My claws elongate ready to make him bleed like he made my heart bleed. If he wants a fight, I'll give it to him. Before I could make a move Cronus steps into my vision surprising my wolf and me.
My claws retract at once and I close my mouth. Deimos watches my reaction with a surprised look and somehow, he seems to look more furious.
Cronus turns around looking at me with a gentle smile. "Luna, how about you both talk inside?" He questions me gently as I finally become aware of the situation, we are in. Deimos and I are in a spotlight as the wolves around us watch us with horror with pin-drop silence.
Giving Deimos a frustrated glance I run towards Cronus's home. I am so embarrassed; every wolf present saw our heated argument. We will become the headline of the gossip page.
Getting into the warmth of the household I wait for his presence. My heart crumbling. I don't want to leave. I want to stay and remain at peace. If I go back, he will... he will hurt me again. I just want to...live. Peacefully with happiness. Is that so much to ask of him. Shouldn't he be happy? A headache from his life removed? An unwanted piece taken away?
As the door opens, I keep my eyes at the scenery outside the glass window. I smell his scent before I feel his presence. He strides confidently towards me and stands in front of me.
He remains quiet and so do I yet I feel the heat of his gaze upon my body. The heat begins at my feet and moves up to my legs to my stomach and breasts and finally my face. I try not to shiver or react to the fire that is starting to spark within me.
"Look at me." He tells me gently. I clench my jaws and glare outside the window. He takes a step closer and I flinch as I can feel his hot breath across my skin.
"Look at me, mate." I close my eyes and finally submit. Slowly sweeping my eyes from his feet I look into his eyes as he takes a deep breath controlling himself.
"I gave you time. I gave you space. You know your duty." He tells me as anger starts to boil once more. He loves riling me up, doesn't he?
"Do you hear yourself right now? You sound like an insensitive bastard!" I tell him calmly. "I am here because of you in the first place and you have the guts to tell me what I must do?"
"Mate. I will not ask you again. If you want to do this the hard way, I will abide by it." He tells me his truth as I begin to fume.
"You need to leave before I do something, Deimos. You do not want to see my pure anger." I tell him looking away trying to calm my pounding heart. My wolf is restless, she feels my anger yet she purrs at him belly up excited he's here. She loves him despite his cruelness. She sees the real him.
"I will not leave until you come with me. I came here endangering my pack to get you back and that is exactly what I will do." He tells me cool and composed while I burn from the heat of my anger.
As silence consumes us and our eyes never break apart from the other. I finally speak. "I like it here. I like the pack, the wolves and their traditions. They are good to me."
"My pack was good to you too." His tone questioning.
"You weren't. You aren't and I guess you will never be. You-" I begin talking but stop when my eyes catch the scene of Cronus running and playing around with the pups. Mouth open in loud laughter. A soft smile overtakes my face. If I leave, I would have to let all this go too.
A loud growl slices through the air as I flinch with wide eyes while Cronus and the pups look up to the window Deimos and I are standing close to. The pups whimper softly in fear as Cronus gently leads them away, I look at Deimos with wide eyes.
He stalks towards me baring his teeth, chest rumbling to his deep growls. "I think I finally know the real reason as to why you won't return."
Stumbling taking steps backward I try to keep distance between us, this male is furious. "W-What?" I ask him.
Holding my wrist in a tight grip he growls to my face. "It's because of him, isn't it? Cronus?" Cronus? What does Cronus have to do with any of this? It's because Deimos lied to me and faked affection. I just don't want to get hurt? Why does he have to blame everyone except himself?
"L-Let go Deimos." I struggle to try to remove my wrist from his harsh grip.
"I noticed the way your anger subsided the second you saw him but I didn't think much of it. Now I saw the way you looked at him. Do you feel something for him? " His grip grows tighter by the second and pain seeps through my arm. My lips wobble and tears sprang to my eyes. Blinking them back I grit my teeth.
"Answer me!" His voice booms across the walls as I whimper in his hold.
"S-Stop it! You are hurting me Deimos." I begin to cry. Not because of his hold but his words. His accusations against me.
"I said answer me goddamnit!" His fangs elongate as he snarls. His wolf showing its presence not happy with the situation as I begin to sob. His claws poking into the skin of my wrist, I begin to tremble.
"You know it has always been you and it will always be!" I sob as he softly softens his hold. His wolf returning behind the surface giving Deimos control. Removing my wrist harshly from his grip I rush to the door to leave tears streaming down my face.
Putting my hand on the handle I open the door only for it to shut close again with Deimos's palm on the door. I feel his presence behind me as his warmth saturates my back. I cry softly not turning back as he fists his hands.
"I am sorry, my mate." He whispers. I speak no words silently sobbing finally showing him the pain I felt when I learned of his truth and the pain I still feel.
"I am sorry for everything. What I did to you before and what I accused you of right now. I will explain everything so, please. Please come back." His tone silently begging me softly as I sniff.
I turn around and look into his eyes. "I hate you." I tell him as I hiccup and he sighs softly. Gripping my wrist softly he pulls me into his arms and surrounds me in his warm hug.
My fists hit against his chest. "I hate you."
"I know." He replies softly.
"I hate you so much." I hit him again.
"I know, my mate." He puts his nose into my hair softly sniffing my scent. Finally, I begin to calm down as he softly sways us as if we were in a dance. I am surprised by his gentle gestures and words yet I don't overthink it. This perhaps might be another act to take me back.
Guiding me to the sofas near the window he softly pushes me down and takes a seat next to me. I bring my knees to my chest and look at him quietly waiting for him to speak.
"To tell you the truth Ragon made me come here. He said I must do whatever it is I am feeling and not hide behind my uncertainties." He whispers looking at his hands. He plays with the ring on his finger deep in thought for a while and finally looks at me.
"I was never taught... about mates. I have never known love in my life neither in family nor within myself. When you came into my life, I just felt you were another weight I must carry. Something I didn't need. I was fine on my own and that's how I wanted to remain." As he speaks my heart clenches. Unwanted. A weight. He confirms his truth.
I shift a little further away from him. My body's reaction to protect myself from the hurtful words he would utter after. He watches my movement and looks back at me.
"Mate." He tries to reach out to me making me flinch as he stops his hand mid-air and composes himself. He sighs and pushes his hair back, signs that he feels anxious to tell me all this. He doesn't know what my reaction would be. He fears it.
"Speak, Deimos." I tell him.
"I didn't know...I still don't know how to feel. The only feelings I have known were anger, hate, and pride. But when you came, I felt more.... new things. I felt jealousy, lust, peace, warmth. I didn't like it. The things you did to me. I have never apologized in my life but I will for you. What I did to you was wrong. Some part of me found it as the best plan to make you stay." As Deimos opens up to me, I close my eyes to conceal my tears.
"You hurt me, Deimos." I whisper as my lips wobble.
"I know, mate. I am sorry. I don't know how to treat you and being an Alpha makes it harder to be in balance with you." He shifts closer to me.
"We are equal, you and me. You must treat me as such." I tell him looking deep into his eyes as tears stream down my face. He looks away. His wolf disagreeing as he shows his presence in Deimos's eyes. There has been structure and hierarchy for centuries but I want it to change it. I want Deimos to see us as one.
"I will try, mate." He whispers holding my hands' softy in his big hands.
"Please don't hurt me again. I…my wolf will not provide her strength again. I will break Deimos. I have had enough." I sob softly as he grips me harder.
"Every wolf fear something. Even the greatest. I fear you. I fear your tears. I fear you leaving my side. I fear the things you make me feel. I fear our future. I fear what you'll do to me. I fear to love, my mate. But I never want you to leave again. I want you by my side. Always." Deimos softly wipes the tears streaming down my face as he whispers his love song to me.