Chapter 52 Tell me yes
SOMA
The second Brynne storms out, I slide down the mirror, knees curling tight to my chest. I can’t decide if I want to scream until the walls shatter or scrub myself raw. Whatever option I end up choosing, I know I can’t be here anymore.
So, I force myself up, with no care for my next lecture. My legs move on instinct, each step a limp, until I finally reach the house.
Jade looks up the second I close the door, her eyes wide and worried. Shouldn’t she be in the dorm? I’m usually happy to see her, but right now? I can’t fake a smile, even if I try.
“My lady, are you okay—”
“Yes,” I cut in too quickly. The lie cracks in my throat, but I don’t let her question it. “I’m fine. Dance lessons were too hectic. I just… I want a bath. A really hot one.”
Jade’s lips press into a thin line. Finally, she nods and scurries off to prepare it. The silence that settles in after she leaves is too thick and uncomfortable. Brynne’s voice echoes in my head, but I refuse to let it grow. He can go to hell for all I care.
By the time I drag myself up to my room, the bath is ready. I shut myself in the bathroom, closing the door like it can block everything out.
His voice, his touch, and my body’s stupidity.
Steam thickens the air. I shed my outfit, dragging air into my lungs in shallow, ragged gasps. My lips sting where he crushed them, and the slickness between my thighs reminds me of my active participation. I slide into the tub, sinking until the water swallows me whole.
The heat bites at my skin, but it’s not enough. I stay under until my lungs burn, and my head shoots out of the water.
Shame slices deeper, planting the memory of his words.
Tell me yes.
The tears I held back now spill hot down my cheeks. I hate him. I hate the way he took. The way he didn’t care, how his hands moved over my body with so much familiarity, finding places no one else has ever touched. I hate how his body had felt so warm I’d been left with no option but to seek him.
But what I hate most is myself. The tremor in my voice, the way I arched under his hand, the wetness he found when he slid his fingers inside me. The climax he wrung out of me. I’d only experienced an orgasm twice in my life, and both times came from him.
Tears continue to fall, mixing with the steam. I press my palms to my face, but the sobs tear free, anyway.
Brynne stole it. My first kiss. My first touch. My first orgasm. He ruined me. And worst of all, my body let him.
A scream claws up my throat, but I bite it back, choking on it. I grab the sponge and scrub hard. It’s not enough, so I wash harder. My skin turns red, but I don’t stop. I scrub my breasts, my stomach, and between my thighs until my skin protests. I need to scrape him off me and erase what I allowed.
But the shame doesn’t wash away.
When the water finally cools, I’m shaking, and my skin is sore. I pull myself out, wrap a towel around my chest, and stagger to the sink to grab my toothbrush. There, I brush my teeth once, then again and again.
Foam spills down my chin, but the bitter and wrong taste of him lingers. My mouth aches, but I keep brushing until my arms tremble too much to lift anymore.
The mirror shows me a stranger with swollen eyes, cracked lips, and hair damp and wild. A girl ruined by a kiss she never wanted and fingers she’d begged not to enter her.
After what feels like hours, I step out of the bathroom. Jade is waiting in the room, worry etched across her face.
“My lady?” she whispers. “You were inside for so long…”
“Yeah,” I say. “Got carried away.”
Her eyes soften, like she knows I’m lying. But she doesn’t push. She offers me the robe she pulled out, and I flash her a small, grateful smile. Even with her quiet care, I feel his hands on me, and I taste the shame of that kiss.
“Do you need anything?” she asks when I’m dressed. “Lunch is ready, but I can get you something else.”
“No, I’ll eat whatever is available.”
Jade glances toward the door. “While you were in the bathroom, Prince Brynne and his brothers came home. They’re downstairs. I think we should stay in the room.”
His name makes me wince. My chest squeezes tight, and I nod. When she steps outside, I curl up on the bed and let the darkness drag me under.
When I stir again, Jade is by my side, softly calling my name. She sets a tray on the nightstand and coaxes me to eat. I force down a little, but every swallow is heavy and every bite tasteless. Soon, exhaustion swallows me again.