Chapter 54: Unspoken Truths

Claire’s POV

The fire crackled between us, its warmth a fragile barrier against the cold night air. The mission had been a success—we’d managed to destroy Midnight Moon’s supply caches, cutting off a critical line of support for their army. But the victory came at a cost. We had barely made it out alive.

Now that I was safely inside Redwater's boundaries, fatigue was a major burden on my body. An excruciating soreness that penetrated my bones took the place of the adrenaline that had kept me moving.

Derek just sat quietly opposite me, his expression unreadable. He had barely spoken since we returned. I could see his shoulder cut gave him pain but had not even mentioned it.

At last, I broke the awkward silence and said, "You should let me take a look at that," pointing at the wound above his collarbone. 

I didn't know for a second if he would answer as his gaze wandered towards me. He then sighed and pulled his shirt open, revealing a deep slash which ran from the shoulder to his chest. 

"It's nothing," he murmured. I raised an eyebrow. "Right. Because bleeding everywhere is completely normal." 

He didn't argue, even though the corner of his lips twitched ever so slightly into a smirk. 

So I settled down next to him and pulled out a fresh cloth from the medical kit. The wound wasn't lethal, although very unpleasant-quite some cleaning was required. 

"This is going to hurt," I warned him and wiped the cloth against the wound. 

Derek stiffened but gave no more than that. I tried to work quickly, cleaning and bandaging the wound. As I did so, I became increasingly aware of his deep breaths, the broader muscles, and the warmth of his skin beneath my fingers. 

I forced myself to focus while swallowing painfully. "You keep throwing yourself into trouble like this," I started; "sooner or later, you might not come back."

Derek let out a breath and cocked his head to look at me. "Amusing. I was about to tell you the same thing.

I stopped and looked into his eyes. Something unguarded, something raw, was in his face.

"You scared me back there, Claire." He spoke in a rough, low voice. "I thought I was going to lose you."

I wasn't prepared for how hard the words hit.

I made an effort to smile. "You? Concerned about me? I assumed you didn't enjoy risky antics.

"I don’t," he said. "But I like the thought of losing you even less."

In that instant, something changed between us, something neither of us could continue to ignore.

With my hands still on his skin, I sat back a little after completing the bandage. The firelight created shadows on his face, emphasizing his intense eyes and jaw's sharp angles.

I ought to have retreated. I ought to have spoken up to defuse the situation.

But I didn’t.

Derek’s hand moved before I could think, brushing a stray lock of hair from my face. His touch was warm, lingering just a second too long.

"Claire." My name sent a chill down my spine, but it was hardly more than a whisper on his lips.

Perhaps we both moved first, but I wasn't sure. The distance between us vanished abruptly, though.

The world vanished as his lips found mine, firm and inquisitive. As I melted into his warmth, into the way his hands clung to my waist, into the way he drew me in like he never wanted to let go, the war, the danger, the fear—all of it vanished.

The slow, purposeful kiss contained all of our unsaid words.

We were breathing unevenly and pressing our foreheads together when we finally broke apart.

Derek whispered, "Tell me this isn't a mistake," as his fingers brushed my cheek.

With a pounding heart, I swallowed. "I can’t."

since it wasn't.

This was real, whatever it was, whatever we had. For so long, it had been real.

Derek let out a breath, kissed my forehead tenderly, and drew me in.

We sat in silence, embracing one another, knowing that the war would resume in the morning. But we had each other for the time being.

And that was sufficient.

The warmth emanating from Derek's body kept the chill at bay even though the night air felt cool against my skin. His heartbeat was steady against my ear as his arms stayed loosely around me.

I ought to have retreated. I should have warned myself that this was risky and that attachments during wartime only made the situation worse. However, I simply couldn't let go after everything we had experienced, including every battle, moment of barely surviving, and moment of standing on the edge of death.

Derek whispered, "You're thinking too much," as his fingers traced absent patterns on my back and his voice sounded rough.

I gave a little, gasping laugh. "How can you tell?"

"Because I do the same thing." He moved a little, causing me to tilt my chin upward and gaze at him. His eyes had softened, freed from the burden of duty, leadership, and war. "Tell me what's going on in that mind of yours."

I paused.

I wanted to tell him everything, that the idea of him not surviving this war tore at my insides like a physical ache, that I was afraid of losing people again. that I had no idea how to show vulnerability without worrying about having everything torn away.

However, I was content to say, "I'm not used to this."

"This?" He knitted his brows.

"Letting someone in."

His hold on me became a little tighter.

"Neither am I."

We sat there for a long time, the only sound between us being the crackling fire.

Then, as though sensing my residual hesitancy, he spoke once more. "I understand that you're afraid, Claire. I am, too.

I took a swallow. "You don’t seem scared."

Derek shook his head and let out a low laugh. "You think I’m fearless?"

"You act like you are."

"That’s because I have to." His fingers barely touched my arm, but they were enough to give me a tingle. "You know, I wasn't always like this. I used to allow my feelings to control me. when I thought there could be love without repercussions.

I cocked my head in a slight frown. "What happened?"

Derek's expression clouded and he looked away for a moment. I was wise enough not to push. However, he spoke just as I was ready to tell him that he was not required to speak.

"She died."

Something twisted in my chest with a sharp pain.

"Derek—"

"It was a long time ago." Although his voice was steady, it sounded hollow. "I erred. I let myself believe I could have a normal life, even when everything around me was falling apart. And as a result, I lost her.

I gazed at him, looking for any indication of weakness or the fissures that lay beneath his icy exterior.

"I apologize," I muttered.

Unreadable, his eyes locked with mine once more. I can't afford to be careless because of this. Not in this conflict. Not with you.

I got a lump in my throat.

"And yet you still kissed me."

A sardonic grin pulled at the corner of his mouth. "And yet I still kissed you."

Unspoken but indisputable, a weighty presence hung between us.

Derek was not a man who readily succumbed to emotions. He was not the type of man who would approach someone without intent.

And I was afraid of that.

Because it implied that I couldn't flee from whatever this was or who we were.

After a moment, he said, "Claire," in a softer tone. "If I lose you in this war—"

"You won’t." Before he could finish, I interrupted him. The rest I didn't want to hear. I didn't want the possibility to remain open.

Derek, however, merely shook his head while grinning slightly and melancholyly. "You can’t promise me that."

He was right, and I detested it.

With the weight of reality bearing down on me, I clenched my fists. "After that, we fight. So that neither of us has to lose, we fight."

After giving me a thorough examination, Derek reached up and tucked a lock of hair behind my ear.

"You really are stubborn, aren’t you?"

I grinned. "It’s one of my best qualities."

His thumb grazed my cheek, leaving a lasting impression. "It’s one of my favorites."

My breath caught.

This was the most honest Derek had ever been with me.

And perhaps—just possibly—I wasn't the only one who feared losing something I never imagined I'd have.

However, a loud howl resounded in the distance before I could finish processing how my heart was racing and before I could say anything more.

Both of us tensed up, instincts taking over right away.

In a matter of seconds, Derek was standing up, his whole stance changing from one of vulnerability to alpha.

With my heart racing, I followed.

One more howl. This time, closer.

"Trouble?" I knew the answer when I asked.

Derek tightened his jaw. "Only the worst kind."