Chapter 106: The Weight She Carried

Chapter 106: The Weight She Carried
Claire's POV

The woods were quiet. As I followed the path Jared had walked hours before, only the sound of my footsteps reverberated. Moonlight sliced through the trees in thin silver lines; the chilly air brushed my face like past whispers.

I ought to have been sleeping. Still, I was unable to sleep. Not following what Jared said.

A treasonous council member. A secret pact with Callum. Following all we had battled for.

And deep down, the worst part was that I was not shocked.

Because I had previously erred too much.

The past always found a way back.

I arrived at the clearing where Jared had ceased pursuing the spy. There were no tracks, no signs of blood. Only quiet.

Not long after, he would return to Redwater. Hurt, angry, but still living.

The spy got away.

Now we lacked a name. No face.  Only a voice.

Jared had said, "We will locate them."

It was not, however, that easy.

These woods held too many buried secrets.

And not all of them belonged to others.

A few of them were mine.

I sat on a fallen tree, rubbing my hands together.  The cold bit harder tonight.  Or perhaps it only seemed that way, given the inside weight I carried.

So much had transpired.

I’d been rejected.  Humiliated.  Cast out of my old pack like trash. 

I had begged Kaid once, on my knees, for mercy.  And when he’d laughed in my face and claimed another as his Luna, I had believed I was worthless. 

But I wasn’t that woman anymore. 

Redwater had changed me. 

The people here had helped me grow stronger. 

Derek had helped me see the power inside myself. 

And Jared... even after everything, he had come back trying to fix what he’d once broken. 

But despite all that... 

Despite the battles we had won, the alliances we had forged, and the wolves who now followed my command… 

There was still a part of me that hadn’t healed. 

Because deep down, I hadn’t forgiven myself. 

It wasn’t just Kaid. 

It was the choices I’d made since.  The errors.

Such as believing Seth. Disregarding Elder Myra's cautions. Letting that council traitor sit near me without suspicion. Every little error could have resulted in death.

Every day I had lived believing, "What if I screw up again?" What if I lack sufficiency?

I still wore that dread like armour even now, even with Derek beside me. Always ready for the next injury.

But this evening, something seemed unique.

As though the moon itself were observing me.

Hanging around.

Footfalls crunched behind me.

I need not see.

You too could not sleep? Derek spoke softly and low.

"Not really," I said. "Too much on my mind."

He sat next to me. For a time, we sat quietly observing our breaths fog in the frigid air.

Have you ever considered the past? I inquired of him.

He gave a nod. At times. But not nearly as much as I once did.

How? I looked at him. “How do you do that?” 

He looked up at the stars for a moment.  “I forgave myself.” 

I blinked, the words hitting harder than I expected.  “Just like that?” 

Not at all. It required time. Suffering. Nights such as this. He gazed at me now. But I concluded. Guilt does not help us to grow. It simply keeps us trapped.

I looked down. “I don’t know how to let go.” 

“You’re not who you were back then, Claire.  That version of you?  She didn’t have what you have now.  Bravery. Knowledge. A group that supports you. A friend who cares about you.

His fingers grazed my own.

I exhaled slowly.

I said softly, "I want to forgive her." Sometimes I still despise her, though.

He smiled slightly. Start with empathy, then. Not for the errors. But for the girl who knew no better.

Later that night, I strolled alone across the camp.

I paused at the training fields where Mira currently assisted in teaching puppies to battle.

I went to the healing tents, where Maren chuckled gently with the seniors and treated injuries.

I walked past Jared, sitting with a group of ex-rogues, assisting them in drawing fresh patrol routes.

Everywhere I turned, there was something we had created.

Something I had assisted in creating.

Standing at the lake's edge, I observed the moon's reflection in the water.

When I spoke, the wind carried my voice.

I said, "I forgive you."

And for the first time in a long time, I meant it.

I did not anticipate anything to alter following that. But something did happen.

I awoke the next morning lighter.

That day, I stood in front of the pack and spoke with a new sort of strength. Clearer.  More certain. 

“I haven’t always been the leader you needed,” I told them.  I have erred. Relied on the incorrect individuals. Doubted my abilities. But I stand here today aware of this—I have gained knowledge from those errors. Every day, I will battle to deserve the position you have provided me.

They howled in support.

Jared too.

Maren too.

Derek grinned proudly.

Peace, however, is fleeting.

Later that evening, Beta Rowan dashed toward me in a panic. Claire. You have to witness something.

I went after him to the watchtower.

He handed me a letter. 

No name.  No seal. 

But the handwriting was clear. 

For the Luna of Redwater,

You believe your pack is safe. You believe your folks are faithful. The one nearest to your side, however, has already turned against you.

Once more, you trusted the incorrect wolf.

Now, your foes are already within your walls.

K.

I went through it three times.

My heart raced.

Derek moved behind me. What is it?

I raised the note. My fingers trembled slightly. 

“Callum,” I said.  “He’s inside Redwater.”