Chapter 5: Bree

I go to sleep with the college admission letter in my hands. I think of Derek, his gentle smile, the frank tenderness with which he loves me. I think of my mother. I think of the world outside that I’ve never seen.

In real life, my wolf hasn’t come out for years. At first, it was in rebellion against Hugo’s law that only a male could give me permission to run, but grief has made it so that I’m not sure I can summon her even if I want. In my dreams, though, my wolf runs like the wind, tasting the rain. I leave the pack behind and run until I’m exhausted, finally stopping on a clearing overlooking the steep fall of a cliff, but somehow, I know I can keep running right over that cliff, and it will be alright.

And I want to run over the cliff.

“Don’t.” It’s Derek’s voice, and I see his wolf behind me, large and auburn, looking at me with pleading green eyes. “Let’s go back home, Bree.”

Suddenly, there’s a light right at the edge of the cliff. A glowing wolf surrounded by mist. My mother.

“It will be alright,” she whispers, gentleness and love flowing from her voice. “It’ll be alright, Bree, my darling.”

I give Derek one last look over my shoulder and run. I jump and find that I can fly.

***

I wake with a start, the sensation of flying clinging to me like I’m still soaring through the air. With a glance at my watch, I confirm that it’s just past midnight. There’s determination in my steps as I rise from the bed. I only pack one bag and all the money I have in a small roll. I add a few books, clothes, and my mother’s poetry… I’ll leave before dawn while the males are training and the rest of the pack is asleep.

I have a promise to keep.

To my mother.

And also to myself.

***

Three months later – Clear Ridge “Bree! Darling! You didn’t have to come in today.”

I look up in surprise at Sheri, my boss at the Happy Mystic bookstore in Clear Ridge. It’s not the first time I’ve failed to notice her enter the bookstore because I’m too engrossed in reading a book I should be shelving. Closing the copy of Myths of the Blue Ridge Mountains, I watch her take off her jacket and raise an eyebrow at me, still expecting an answer.

“You said you had a doctor’s appointment this morning,” I explain. “I thought I should be here, just in case we had a customer.”

“It’s your first day of college, girl.” She makes an exasperated sound. She’s a small woman with long red hair liberally sprinkled with gray, a kind face, and sharp blue eyes. “I’m sure nobody in the world needs a used book so badly that the world would end if the store were closed for a few hours or the whole day.”

My first day of college. I try to smile over the nervous knot in my belly. “Well, you never know.”

Laughing, Sheri walks to the back of the store. “I know you’re nervous, but trust me, it’s going to be alright. You’ll be fine. It’s part of your journey.”

My journey. I don’t ask her what she means. I’m no longer surprised when she says things that make it seem like she knows stuff other people don’t. Three months ago, when I first arrived in Clear Ridge, I’d seen her ‘help wanted’ sign, and when I’d walked into the bookstore to apply in person, she’d taken one look at me and said the job was mine.

Like she’d been waiting for me.

“I am nervous, I guess.” I sigh. “It’s a big change.”

“There’re a lot more of those in your future; I can tell you that,” she says cryptically. “You’ll be fine. Go check in and do orientation or whatever it is college freshmen do on the first day. And don’t forget…as soon as you have your schedule…you can have as many shifts here as you’re able. Your job is still yours.”

“Thank you, Sheri.”

She smiles and waves one hand. “Now, off you go.”

After leaving her, I walk the short distance to the tiny room where I’ve lived since I arrived in town. Sheri found the room and talked Ms. Harriet, the owner, into letting me have it. Since I’m moving into the dorms, I’ve given Ms. Harriet my notice. Now, all I have to do is pick up my backpack, which contains everything I own, place the key in an envelope in Ms. Harriet’s mailbox…and then it’s time for the next chapter.

The next chapter.

I can hardly believe how far I’ve come.

Three months.

On my own.

And the entire time, guilt followed me around like a shadow. 

You abandoned your pack, Bree.

You abandoned your duty to your pack.

I shut down the thoughts and focus on the present. First, I head to the bus stop; then, after a short bus ride, I take the campus shuttle. Inside the campus, as the shuttle takes me closer to the residence halls, I watch as buildings, manicured lawns, intertwining walkways, and well-trimmed trees pass by. Since I moved to Clear Ridge, I’ve been to the campus a few times, and today, there are more cars than usual as parents drop off their freshman kids. Most of the parents are leaving now, surreptitiously wiping tears as they say their first big goodbyes to their kids.

A rush of longing for my mom almost overwhelms me, but I take in a deep breath and steady myself. Mom would be proud of me. I survived on my own, found a job, a place to live…all on my own.

I didn’t go running back to the pack like I half feared I would.

The shuttle stops, and I shoulder my backpack and climb out, barely noticing as the doors close behind me, and it pulls away. The air smells cool and sharp, and a soft breeze rustles the leaves that have fallen on the lawn. I take a deep breath and remind myself that it’s going to be okay.

And that’s when I see him.

I almost stop walking. Something about him draws my eyes, my entire being, like filings to a magnet.

He’s striding in my direction, on the path across from mine. He’s tall, very tall, and dressed all in black. Black jeans, boots, and a t-shirt. His hair is also black, with inky waves falling across his forehead. My steps slow, then stop. There’s something about him, the way he walks, long legs eating the ground like he owns it, the way he is…I stare, my eyes following him as he crosses in front of me. His face is perfect like it was sculpted with love by a renaissance master. His striking blue eyes flick to mine just as he nears me, and I feel a jolt deep inside. 

He frowns, still looking at me. “I’m leaving now,” he says. “You coming?”

His voice draws me in, and I almost answer his question. But then he keeps walking, and I realize he’s on the phone.

Silly me.

I watch his back for a moment, wanting him to turn back so that I can see that face again. I feel almost as if I’m in a trance. Realizing how silly I’m being, I give myself a mental kick and force myself to keep moving toward the wide entrance to my dorm. I’m not going to gawk or keep gawking at the first boy I see on campus. That’s not why I’m here.

I have bigger things to think about than a boy with a gaze that for one moment had seemed to rip into me and expose all my secrets.

Much bigger things.