Chapter 19: Chapter Eighteen

Penelope is helping me with the dress. I didn't know a mating ceremony is much like a wedding. The dress is simple and is supposed to be the color of my coat. My coat is white, I found out through Raphas, so that should be the color of my dress. It was Sylvia who recommended Penelope. I'm glad she did. I like Penelope and I trust her.

"What's yours?" I ask her.

"Gray," she simply says.

"So your dress will be gray?"

"When I do mate, yes." She stops and looks up at me. "I don't think Dantes wants to mate with me. I think I'm just his plaything. I don't know how to explain this to my father."

I don't say anything in response. I feel terribly sorry for her. I can't stand Dantes, and the fact that she has to deal with him on a daily basis is unbearable. He truly doesn't take her seriously, doesn't show her the respect she deserves. She told me before that she envies what Raphas and I have, and I know why. Dantes isn't half the man his nephew is. And sometimes, when I'm alone and away from everyone, I wonder if perhaps Raphas' brother wasn't right about kicking Dantes out of the pack. I don't bring it up with Raphas, though. I know how he feels about his brother.

"Thank you for helping me." I say gratefully for the hundredth time.

"It's not a problem, I love new clothes." I don't know where Raphas got this material, but it's beautiful. Maybe he brought it with him from wherever he was recruiting pack mates? He didn't tell me. He's so mysterious sometimes. I'm sure Penelope will make a dress worthy of it and I can't wait to see it.

"Where'd you even learn where to sew?"

She shrugs. "My mother taught me, when she was alive. We were part of the BlackCrescent pack, back when it was the greatest pack of all time. Her grandmother was the dressmaker back in the day. It passed down to her daughter, my grandmother, and then to my mother. I was eight when she died, but I learned a lot."

"I'm sorry," I say with a heavy heart. "How'd she die?"

"Pack wars. Werewolves rarely die of old age. It's always a fight or a war. An accident. Only Alphas and Lunas get to live that long." She chuckles. "I guess that's the kind of life my father wants me to have."

I rub her shoulder. "It will all work out, Penelope. Don't worry about it."

"It won't, but thank you for your words. It's always a reassurance." She licks her lips. "By the way, there's a mating ceremony today. Do you want to join me? Then you'll know what to expect."

I shrug. "I probably don't know the couple. I don't want to crash anyone's party."

"What's a party?" She asks, and when I explain it to her, she shakes her head. "It's isn't like that. Anyone could watch a mating happen. In fact, we'll serve as eyewitnesses. That's a very important part of a mating. If there aren't any witnesses, it's considered null and void."

She puts the material away and escorts me to the door. "I'll come get you at sunset. Don't be late. We have to get there on time, or we'll miss the best part."

"What's the best part?"

She smirks. "You'll see."

I cross my arms against my chest. "Why are you being so cryptic?" I ask suspiciously. I don't like her little smirk, she's hiding something from me.

"I'm not going to ruin the surprise. Are you coming with me or not?" She asks impatiently.

We agree to meet by sunset and I make my way around the camp. I don't want to return to the cabin. Raphas and Max aren't there, and I don't feel like being alone today. I stop by Sandra's and I see Max playing with her daughter. They're talking and my heart leaps. I've never heard his voice before. I wonder what he's saying, what they're talking about. I'm pretty sure she's younger than him, but my mother always told me that females were the superior gender. It was the only thing she ever taught me, but I keep it mind.

I approach them and he snaps his mouth shut. I'm disappointed, but I don't show it. I guess it's okay for him to talk to a girl his age and not to me. I'm an adult, and so he has more things in common with her. I ask her son Leo where his mother is, and he informs me that she's training today. I wave goodbye, and I trudge sadly back to our cabin. To my surprise, I find Raphas there, waiting for me.

"You're never here at this time. What's wrong?" I ask, concerned.

"Are you angry about Amanda?" His question shocks me. I frown. "No, of course not."

"Don't lie to me, Bea."

Am I lying? Am I truly upset about that bitch? This morning we didn't talk about last night. We just woke up and went about things normally. But I knew there was something between us that didn't sit right in my chest. He seemed off and I guess I did too to him. "I think we shouldn't both be mad about something that happened in the past. I confess, I was being a bitch about Amanda, but it's just because the thought of you together sickens me. And all I want to do is bash her skull in."

"I already told you, there's nothing between us anymore."

"Yes, but there was an that's the problem. You enjoyed being with her, you kissed her." The thought of it fills me with disgust. "Did you like having sex with her?" I regret the words as soon as they leave my lips, but there's no way I can take them back.

"Would you feel better if I said no?"

I narrow my eyes at him. "Fuck you." I'm being irrational again and I know it, but the worst thing about my irrational crisis is that I can't do a thing to stop it.

He takes a deep breath through the nose. "I don't know how to fix this, Bea. You'll have to tell me what you want. What do you want?"

I throw my hands in the air. "I want you far away from Amanda. I don't want you to talk about her anymore."

"I haven't gotten close to her after I arrived. And you're the one who's always talking about her." I know he's right, but I huff anyways. He stops and gazes at me calmly. I don't know why I'm causing problems between us. My shoulders sag and he senses my defeat. He approaches me cautiously and I throw myself at him.

"I'm sorry." I say this over and over again. He doesn't deserve this. He's never given me any reason to doubt him and I'm being unfair and immature and a downright bitch. He holds me tight and whispers soothing words in my ear. I inhale his scent and I feel dizzy.

I say his name and he already knows what to do. He knows what I need. He's passionate and slow and I can't get enough of him. I don't think I ever will. I lie in bed next to him and he rubs circles on my back. Max could walk in any minute now, and I don't want him to see us like this.

"He's used to this, Bea. Mating is essential."

"Not in my world. Kids aren't supposed to be exposed to sex. They become perverts and rapists in the future."

He chuckles and shakes his head. "I don't understand human modesty. Out in the wild, we don't find clothes. You better get used to being naked around the pack."

I ignore his comment. "I could say the same thing about your lack thereof."

As predicted, Max shows up but thankfully, I'm already dressed. Raphas isn't, but I guess he sees plenty of naked men around the camp, so this shouldn't be too traumatizing for him.

I give Raphas his bowl, and he shares it with Max. I watch them from the door and my heart tightens. I get the sudden, inexplicable urge to cry. Raphas meets my eye from across the room and I shake my head. I'm fine.

Just fine.

I meet Penelope outside and we walk a little deep into the woods. There's a small crowd gathered around and I can distinguish the couple. She's wearing a brown dress and he's completely naked. I don't know what the point of the dress is, but I don't mention it.

"How long will this take?" I ask.

"Depends on how long she'll take."

"To do what?"

She shushes me.

They're grabbing hands and she's promising to take care of him and cherish him always, to be the perfect mate and so forth. He says the same things back to her, and I realize these promises are much like vows. It's beautiful, actually. I imagine Raphas and I in their place and a small smile tugs at my lips. The sky is growing darker and once the moon is shining bright in the sky, the process begins. He removes her dress and it falls to the floor, so that she's completely naked. He starts sniffing her from head to toe, paying special attention to her mound. This takes about five minutes. I'm on my toes to get a better look. It's fascinating, and all of us are wide-eyed. He then grabs her neck and bites her and she moans loudly. Blood trickles down her neck and she throws her head back. The whole process is erotic and I catch myself thinking of Raphas. What's he doing right now? I had him this afternoon, but I want him again.

"Cool, right?" Penelope says to me. "At least I won't have to fake tonight for Dantes, you know what I mean?" She winks.

He picks her up and carries her away from the crowd. Her dress is left on the ground and after they've disappeared, the crowd begins dispersing.

I can't believe Raphas and I will have to do this in front of everyone. I'm shocked and aroused and petrified. Penelope catches my expression and laughs.

"Don't think about it too much," she wipes her eyes. "And go find your male. You'll need him tonight."