Chapter 27

Luke’s eyes widened in surprise.“You never said anything.”

“It was none of my business.I couldn’t tell you what you should do.Though,uh,I would have found it hard not to have gone out of my mind with jealousy when you went back to making films.I’m—”Andy ran his fingers through his hair.“Please trust me when I tell you that I’m not judging you for what you do,uh,did.Hell,I’ve watched and,uh,wanked off to porn films.Though honestly I wouldn’t say I make a habit of it.Shit!”

“It’s okay,”Luke reassured.

“I’ve never made any moral judgement about men who work in that industry.To be honest I’ve never really thought about it much.But then I’ve never known a porn actor before.I’ve not been friends or boyfriends with one.Until now.”

Luke squeezed Andy’s hand.

“But I know you and I lo…like and care for you a lot.It makes a difference,you know?Sorry,I’m not making myself very clear.”

“I understand.”Luke wondered if Andy had been about to use a different word than like.

“I wouldn’t ever have said anything,though,because as I said,it was none of my business what you do,but I’m so glad,no,I’m fucking over-the-moon that you’ve decided to leave allthat behind.”

Luke couldn’t help it,he started to cry.“Thanks.”

“Here.”Andy reached for and pulled out a Kleenex.

Accepting the tissue,Luke—mindful of his ribs—gently blew his nose.“I’m such a fucking baby sometimes.”

Andy shook his head.“No,love,you’re not.God,I wish I could hold you tight and…well.”

That only made Luke cry even more.Andy had used the“L”word,though maybe not in quite the context he would have liked,but it was a start.

“Come on,wipe your nose.”Andy got out a new tissue.Luke chuckled.Andy reminded him of his mam years ago.

“Better now?”

Luke nodded and shifted back round so he was leaning against Andy’s chest.Instantly Andy’s arms came round to gently cradle him.Luke couldn’t wait until his ribs healed so Andy could hold him properly.He’d know what really feeling safe was then.

“I’m glad that’s over,”Luke said,wriggling to get more comfortable.

Andy kissed the top of his head,making Luke shiver.Did Andy know how much he had come to cherish the times they did this?

“Yeah.”Andy sounded content.This matched Luke’s mood perfectly.

“Though now I’ve got another decision to make.”

“Oh?”

“What am I going to do for the rest of my working life?”

“I can’t be much help there.All I know is soldiering and pig farming.Though you’d look fucking gorgeous in uniform,I—”

Luke slapped Andy’s arm,causing the big man to laugh.Luke felt the vibrations through his back.

Kissing the back of his neck,Andy said,“And I don’t see you wanting to spend the rest of your life rearing pigs.”

“Why,don’t you think I’d look sexy covered in pig shit?”

Andy continued to nuzzle his neck.“You’d look sexy in whatever you wore.”

Though it was painful to do so,Luke just had to turn round and give Andy a kiss for that.“You’re special,‘cause I know you really mean that.”

Andy smiled.“I do.”He returned the kiss.

Luke settled back into Andy’s embrace.

“So,what do ex-porn actors do when they stop,uh,acting?”

Luke snorted.“Some of‘em never started acting.”

“Yeah,that’s true.But you,well,you were always great.”

“Yeah,right.Up for loads of Oscars I was.”

“You know what I meant.”

Luke knew,but didn’t want to make Andy feel uncomfortable again by pursuing the topic.

“Well,getting back to what porn actors do when they give up making films.Sometimes they go into production,directing,that sort of thing.”

“You don’t want to do that,do you?”It was obvious Andy didn’t want him to,but,bless him,he didn’t come out and say it.

“No,I want a complete break.”

Andy tightened his embrace slightly.“Good.”

“So,it leaves me with roughly forty years to fill.”

“You can be my own personal porn star if you want.So long as I’m the only one you star with.”

Luke couldn’t help smiling.This was the first time Andy had talked about them having a sex life.“That’d be great,but,well,I want to have a role outside the bedroom,too.”

“What about the kitchen?Can you cook?”

“You chauvinist pig.”Luke slapped Andy’s arm again.

Andy laughed.“Just pulling your leg.You can’t really do much of anything until your arm andribs heal.So you’ll just have to let me cater to your every whim and desire until then.”

Luke got a wicked grin on his face.“What,all of them?I’ve got a damn good imagination.Not to mention a kinky one.”

Andy nuzzled the side of his neck.“Anything you want,injuries permitting.”

Luke shivered.He really liked the new,more communicative Andy.“You packed that cowboy shirt,didn’t you?”

“I think so.”

Luke knew full well Andy knew he’d packed it.“Tomorrow,I want to wear it.”

Andy groaned.

****

The next day saw Luke suitably garbed in his western shirt,leaning—as nonchalantly as he knewhow—against a five-bar gate,waiting.

Tom,Paddy and Andy were arguing about camera angles,the position of the sun and whether therewere enough pigs in the shot.At least there had been no disagreement about him hiding the cast on his right arm behind him.

Luke was having his picture taken for his website.He wanted to tell his fans that he was retiring to the countryside.He’d wanted Andy to be in the picture as well,but wasn’t surprised when he’d flatly refused.

Andy had been worried about the publicity.“I don’t want coach-loads of your fans turning up wanting to rip your clothes off,or even their own.”

Luke had stifled a laugh.“No,we’ll make sure there’s nothing in the picture that will identify the location.

As Andy didn’t own a digital camera,but Tom and Paddy did,it seemed reasonable to ask them tohelp out.Though watching them continuing to argue had Luke reconsidering asking them.

“But if you stand there,rather than further to the right like I said,you can’t get that oak tree in the frame,”Tom protested.

Luke maintained a neutral expression as they continued to thrash it out.Was making porn this much bother?he asked himself as Paddy told him to raise his right foot and put it on the bottom bar.

“Now,smile please.”

Luke put on his best contented‘this is where I want to be’smile.

“Oh,for fuck’s sake!”Paddy said,lowering the camera.

About a metre to Luke’s right,one of the pigs was taking a shit.He laughed at the sheer absurdity of the situation.But this brought on a stab of pain in his chest.“Ouch!”

“You all right?”Andy was almost immediately at his side.“Why don’t we pack it in for the day?It’s cold out here;I don’t want you catching a chill.”He felt Luke’s forehead.“You’re not too cold?”

“I’m all right,but I wish you lot could just take the picture and—”

“I’m sorry.”Andy gave him a gentle hug.“It’s just we don’t really know what we’re doing,and‘cause this is important,we need to get it right.”Andy kissed the top of his head.“I’ll tell‘em to hurry it up.Then we’ll go inside and you can sit by the Aga and I’ll make you a bowl of soup.”

“You’re so good to me.”Luke looked up and received the hoped-for kiss.

Turning away,Andy shouted,“Right,you two.Luke’s getting tired,so let’s just take the bloody photograph.”