If I had known the day was going to be a scorcher, I probably wouldn't put on clothing this thick. I sat on the bench on the basketball court, staring blankly.
I couldn't help but think of everything that had happened. I looked around and everyone was busy with their stuff. Sometimes I regret not having friends, I would have been talking to someone now, telling them how shitty I feel for falling for my brother and making out with him.
I heave and shove out my phone from my pockets. I stared at the screen for a while, nothing interested me.
"Hey."
I turned sideways to see Devin standing by my side. He's on his usual black hoodie and black trouser. He seems to love black more than anyone I have ever met.
It takes a second to realize his bruises are healing too, he doesn't look that bad. "Hi," I managed to reply, not wanting to make a fool of myself by staring hard.
You don't get it, Devin just has this aura, and his cologne too. Reminds me that I forgot to wear some before leaving the house. He looks around too before he finally asks.
"What are you doing out here all by yourself?"
"Meditating."
If that was I'm the right word to use, I had no idea. I was thinking of how I had no friends and how I almost got caught smooching and grabbing my brother's dick.
"Meditating, I see."
My lips twitched. "I didn't mean to disturb you but I usually sit out here, it's kind of been my spot for months."
I raised my brows to him and a furrow appeared on my forehead. This was my favorite spot too and if he says he sits out here then maybe we've got something in common.
"Oh."
"Yeah, but you're here already so I'll just let you do your shit and get going. I should have a few things to do."
Was he willing to give up his space for me? Well, I got here first but he found here first.
"I'll see you sometime, be good yeah?"
He said that and turned to leave but I stopped him. "No no, wait."
He paused and I stammered before getting the right words blurted out. "I uh... I mean we could share here. We don't have to talk, just meditate on our stuff.
I saw the smile form on his lip as he gave a nod. "Right, meditate on our stuff."
He took a sit on the bench and placed his bag by the side of his legs. I continued staring blankly at the environment, wondering what else I could meditate on that wasn't 'smooching your stepbrother and getting caught.'
There was a brief silence, I enjoyed the silence but I hated being unable to know what people around the thought. I liked hearing people speak because that way you get a hint of what they think of. I plug in my earphones to distract myself but take them off shortly after.
"You think I'm a bad person?"
His voice trailed me off my disorganized thoughts. Why was he asking me that?
"Yes," I replied and regretted why I didn't take a second to think of my reply.
He frowned and arched his brows, obviously wondering why it didn't take me a second to give that reply.
"No no, it's not like that. I don't mean you're a bad guy yunno, I just feel so sometimes."
I was being truthful, I was more scared of Devin than I was of anyone else. Although I saw another side of him that night where he wrapped his arm around me, I still feel scared of him, not just much.
Sometimes I wonder what it would feel like if he falls in love. Would his girlfriend be scared of him too? Or was it because I didn't have a personal relationship with him?
His gaze is still fixed on me, waiting for me to explain what I meant. All I wanted to say was that he may be scary and not a bad guy but I just feel he is a bad boy.
I had a messy way of expressing myself, like a disorganized way of explaining things and that sucked. I actually meant he was a bad guy not because he's done anything bad to me but just because I feel so.
"I don't get what you mean, Emily."
"Uh, what I mean is I just feel it. I didn't say you're a bad guy because you've done anything bad to me. It's just what my mind feels."
"Maybe your mind is scared of me."
He was right.
"Are you a bad person though?" I asked and got him smiling.
He licked his lower lip and gosh, that wasn't supposed to have any effect on me.
"I don't know but I know I can be a good guy," he replied with his stare fixed at the court. I followed his line of vision and met with what he was staring at. "Do you want to see the good in me?"
I wasn't sure how good a person can get, he already proved he could be good whenever he wanted that night. And to think of it, he never mentioned anything from that night or mocked me like Gabby. He acted as if nothing happened and that made me feel a little comfortable.
He turned his body to face him and now he was looking at me completely. "I asked if you wanted to see the good in me."
I heard you the first time Devin, shit.
He smiled at my silence and shifted closer. I felt his hands on my hair, He was tucking away the stubborn strands out of my face. I remained still, letting his hands touch my face.
"You've got something on your face," he said and huffed. He blew on my face and I remained still. He was trying to get something out of my face but the way he was close to me made me crave his lip.
I heaved and my chest moved in a rhythmic pattern. His face was this close to mine and the next thing I did was close my eyes.
I was expecting his lips, to possess mine like Xavier's lips does but I don't feel anything yet.
I wait for a second longer and I feel something on my lips, only that it wasn't Devin's lip.
It was his hands. I opened my eyes and met him staring over my shoulder. I couldn't place what it was that got his attention but I just remained still.
"Xavier is here," he finally said.
Fuck no.