Chapter 20
Kitty.
I could feel my pulse in the side of my neck. My heart raced. I swallowed my fear down, trying to keep it at bay.
And then I remembered Brooke helping me. Talking me through a panic attack when she’d first taken me in, and then again a few weeks later before she’d fed from me the first time.
I drew a breath, aimed into the bottom of my lungs. One Mississippi, two Mississippi, three Mississippi. I made it to seven as I slowly breathed in. And then I counted again while I breathed out — I was only at five when I ran out of air. The object of the game was to breathe out at the same rate I’d taken the air in. I tried again, and it was nine in and six out. Not great, but not terrible. Again. Nine and seven.
Before long, I was so preoccupied with my breathing, I forgot all about panicking. Plus, deep breaths somehow trigger your body to chill out.
I was seated in a conference room in the Chattanooga RTMC compound, waiting for Nathan to arrive. There was one way in and one way out of the room. No windows. The door opened and a shock went through my body. Fear.
I kept breathing in. Three Mississippi. Four Mississippi.
Nathan closed the door behind him. A soft little snick. His gaze met mine and I wanted to go to him. Wanted to drop to the floor in obeisance.
I couldn’t move though. All I could do was count and breathe. If I stopped, I might puke.
He walked around the table, pulled me from my chair, and held me in his embrace.
It was like coming home, and tears spilled from my eyes. “Your Majesty. Please help me.”
He sat in a chair, pulled me into his lap, and held me. I was one of his. It didn’t mean he was going to help me, but he didn’t seem pissed. I no longer had to focus on my breathing to keep from being physically ill. This man was my king, and he accepted me.
“If you were trying to come up with a solution that would work for both sides, what would you propose?” he asked.
I breathed in one last time, and told him, “Gonzo’s wife told me it’s possible to...” God, it sounded so cold, but it was a thing, and I wondered why the ambush hadn’t considered it. “It’s called pre implantation genetic testing. Eggs are fertilized and then tested before being implanted in a womb. Why can’t the ambush do this between couples who want a baby?”
“As opposed to you giving up your eggs?”
“My eggs are my potential children. I can’t just hand my children off to someone else to raise. I can’t, Your Majesty.”
He sighed. “You don’t want to, and I understand why you don’t want to. However, you can, and you might have to, but I’m trying to work towards a solution you can live with. There are less golden tigers today than there were fifty years ago. Your kind are in a negative growth spiral. If we have to steal your eggs and use them without your consent to keep the golden tigers from dying out, I’ll make it happen. I hope we can find another solution, but I want you to understand my position.”
“Your majesty, all other species allow the babies created when a shifter has sex outside the species. So, Gen and Duke’s son is a wolf. If he wants to join the Pack when he grows up, he’ll be able to. It doesn’t matter that his mother’s a human.”
He caressed my hair. Played with it. Rubbed my back. “And the golden tigers kill the impure babies.”
“Why aren’t those babies used to get rid of this genetic bottleneck thing?”
“That’s an excellent question, little one. I understand why they won’t accept a golden tiger mated to a normal tiger, because that can be a blending, but you are absolutely right that a golden tiger mated to a wolf will create either wolves or golden tigers, and never a hybrid.”
“Can’t you just change the rules so they can’t bitch about impure golden tigers?”
“Yes, but it wouldn’t stick. We’d have babies who’d never be fully accepted, alive only because I’d kill anyone who killed them. It’s better if I can figure out a way to make them think changing the rule was their idea — assuming it’s a genetic positive.”
We sat in silence a few moments, and I told him, “I’ve considered the possibility of letting myself be artificially inseminated by the kid in Texas, assuming Squatch and I can raise the kids as our own, outside of the ambush, but the truth is that I want to have Squatch’s babies.”
“There’s been some research done, trying to figure out why sometimes it’s a wolf and sometimes a cat. If we can time it so you’re impregnated on the new moon, and when your cat is in heat, then the odds are better the babies will be cats. I need to talk to some geneticists, to make sure our assumptions about the golden tiger cubs getting genes outside of the bottleneck if you parent cubs with Squatch are correct. If they are, then I’d be inclined to decree your father back off and let you be.”
“And my kids? Will they have choice over their reproduction when they’re of age?”
“I won’t stop arranged matings. It’s part of golden tiger culture. I have, however, stopped the training that has been happening. No children or teens will be trained in the ways of sex in the future. Adults can be trained if they request it, but can’t be obligated to do so. I’m sorry you had to go through it. I’ve left the golden tigers to their ambushes for too long without oversight. Once I get you squared away, I’ll be spending time with the other special subgroups of tigers, too. You’ve all been in hiding. Out of sight, out of mind. This will be rectified.”
He caressed my back and breathed in slowly. I matched my breathing to his. In and out. In and out. Finally, he said, “You’re mine, Valentina. My cat. Your father is my cat, too. He misses you.”
“I’m nothing more than a walking womb to him.”
“I believe you’re more than that. He’s the leader of your ambush, and it’s possible his loyalties were confused. Loyalty to the ambush over loyalty to his daughter. It’s as I tried to explain to you earlier — as Amakhosi, my first responsibility has to be towards the continuation of an entire species.”
He turned me so he could look into my eyes. “There are political minefields in play you may not be aware of. Until recently, the state of South Carolina wasn’t under the demesne of the Master Vampire who controls all of the Southeast. The South Carolina leaders of all major groups allowed their populations to kill and enslave humans and other supernaturals, so long as the human authorities weren’t alerted. Survival of the fittest at its most brutal. That changed during the time frame the Swan Queen came into her power, but the state hasn’t been totally transformed to the new rules. There are still pockets of resistance. When Abbott was Master, he sent Kendra to handle South Carolina most of the time. Now she’s Master, and she’s still working to secure all areas. She owns the cities and most of the rural areas, but it appears the ambush escaped her notice as well.”
He sighed. “Kendra is on your side. She wants to step in and fix the ambush, but I can’t let her do that. The ambush must fix itself.”
“What does that mean, Your Majesty?”
“It means there will be mediation between me and Kendra for how much leeway your father will have going forward. My cats living in her demesne. Most of the time we’re in agreement about how to run things. I don’t believe we are in this case, but I don’t think we’re so far apart that we can’t find a road we can agree on. Once this happens, we can see how the mediation between you and your father goes. It is my hope to restore your relationship with your family, but I can’t make any promises.”
“I live in Alabama now. I want to live with Squatch. I’ve made a life for myself.”
“Yes. Brooke said you opted to try to fight to keep that life, rather than take the easy route of a new life in another country.” He pulled me into him again, so my head rested on his chest. “I’m pleased you asked to speak with me. I’d asked for a private meeting, but Kirsten was in mama-bear protective mode with you.”
“I regret any friction I’ve caused between the two of you, My King.”
“Our relationship has survived worse, and will likely be tested by much more serious issues in the future. I’m in love with a redheaded demi-goddess — I expect little explosions of temper every so often.” He kissed the top of my head. “In any relationship, you have to take the good with the bad, and then find a way to label it all good and mean it. You and Squatch are relatively new, so whatever mediation we work out will need to work whether he is in your life or not. This doesn’t mean I don’t think your relationship with him will last. It merely means I want to do this one time, and not multiple times.”
He sighed. “I won’t guarantee Kirsten that I won’t kidnap you and oversee the harvesting of your eggs if a mediation agreement can’t be reached, or if you don’t follow through on the mediation agreement you sign. It wasn’t something I was actively planning, but once she tried to make me promise, I realized that’s my Plan B. I hope we can do this through mediation.”
Which means if mediation failed, I’d need to ask Kirsten to take me back to Alfheim, but I was probably safe in the human realm until that happened.