Chapter 12
Evanna stared at the kettle, wishing it to boil faster. Spotting the basket on the counter, she went over and grabbed a biscuit from last night. She really missed that jerky that Papa Low always had. Since his passing, she’d searched in every book, notebook, and piece of paper trying to figure out how he made it. As far as regrets go, she wished she’d paid more attention to things when he was still alive.
Choking down the dry mouthful, she grabbed the kettle and decided partially boiled water would have to do. Her head was killing her, every muscle was aching and now she had to explain to Jesse what had happened. She had no idea why she felt it was important to tell him everything, but she always followed her instincts when it came to people so she was going to listen again. There was something about him—something she couldn’t even put into words, she’d never felt this way with another, that she did know. Of course, that presented more problems. She and Leah hadn’t vowed it to each other, or anything while they were running for their lives to find their way back home, how could they, but it had always been a feeling that there would always just be them—it was the only safe way…
The door opened, and she turned to see Jesse standing there looking at her with a careful expression.
“I’m okay now.” She blew out a breath and lifted one shoulder in a half shrug. “Just a bad headache, but it will fade.”
He reached into his back pocket and held something out. “Eat this, it will help with the shakes.”
Going over she took it and looked at it. “A protein bar?” She didn’t know what that was exactly.
Jesse nodded, “most shifters keep them on hand to replenish after shifting.” He looked at it and then to the biscuit in her other hand, “if you don’t eat regularly, it’s harder on you when you shift and harder to control it.”
Lifting both eyebrows at him, she stepped back and went over to the percolator again. “Aunt Tillie used to chase me around saying that too.” She motioned to the pantry, “stores are running a bit low right now unless fresh vegetables work.”
“Anything helps, but protein seems to be the key.”
Adding more water, she put the kettle down and opened the packaging on the protein bar. She took a small bite. She’d never tasted anything like this before. It had a lot more flavor than a dry biscuit too. “Not bad.”
He chortled, “you’ll grow to hate them once you’ve tasted other things.”
“Yeah? Like what?” She motioned to the coffee asking if he wanted some.
He nodded and sat down. “Things like chocolate, potato chips, and my personal favorite licorice.”
Pouring the coffee, she grabbed the sugar container and set it on the table with a spoon. “I’ve had chocolate, a long a time ago.” She studied him for a second, “I’ve never had potato chips though and I have no idea what licorice is.” Putting the cups on the table, she sat down.
Jesse grinned, “I’m going to peg you as a black licorice fan.” He took the cup and added a touch of sugar to it. Stirring it slowly, he watched her, his pale eyes looking right through her. “We need to talk about some things,” he frowned, “do you think you can stay at the front for a while?”
She loved his eyes, they were so intriguing. Blowing out a breath, she looked away and down at her cup, trying to sense where Leah was. “If at the front means is Leah coming back soon, then the answer is no. I don’t even sense her right now.”
“I’m sorry about earlier.” His tone was soft and sincere.
Evanna took a drink to avoid looking at him for a moment. “I knew it was bound to happen with you staying.”
“I was trying to be careful.”
She shrugged and sat back, “I should have stayed closer to monitor what was happening.”
“You can do that.”
“Sometimes.” She picked up the bar and took another bite.
“I thought I was sharing good news…”
Swallowing, she held his look, “about what?”
“The addresses on the back of—the letter in your aunt’s journal, I know what city they’re in.”
Washing the bite down with the bitter liquid helped her pause to assess how she felt about that. Anxious, angry, and spiteful were words to describe it. Carefully locking down her reaction, she looked at the dark liquid in her cup instead of him. “That would set Leah off.”
“But not you?”
“I don’t feel good when I think about there if that’s what you mean.” She looked back at him and was surprised by the compassion in his eyes.
Jesse shook his head and leaned on the table, “I don’t tell you to make you feel bad, what I was trying to tell Leah was if any of your clan are still there, we’ll find them.”
“You think they’re still there?” She ate the last of the bar before she lost her appetite. It had made her feel less shaky to put something in her stomach.
“There’s always a chance they are.”
Evanna blew out a breath and then looked at the table, checking again to see if Leah was close. She didn’t sense her. She could feel Minn inside her, but so far, she was behaving and just lurking to listen.
“If you’re up to it, can I ask some questions?”
She liked how he asked and didn’t bombard her with questions that made her feel sick inside. “Now might be the best time with Leah in the background and Minn behaving.”
“Do you always have to control Minn?”
Aunt Tillie had told her that many would not understand about Minn, Leah, and her connection, but so far Jesse seemed to be grasping things well enough, and better yet was being very respectful about it. “Not as much as I used to.” Pulling a small piece of cord from her pocket, she pulled her hair back and tied it in place. There was something about her hair dragging across her neck that bothered her a lot. She knew why but couldn’t dwell on the reason. He wanted answers, so she was going to try her best to give them to him. “It was just Leah and me for years.”
“How long have you been there?”
Blowing out a breath, she tried to remember the first time. It wasn’t a pleasant memory, but it still might be information he needed. “Leah was five, maybe closer to six.” Evanna closed her eyes for a second and tried not to see the state Leah’s mother was in when she’d first looked upon her.
“If this is too much,” Jesse reached across the table and put his hand on hers, “we don’t have to talk about it now.”
Her first instinct was to pull her hand away, but she didn’t. The feel of him touching her was comforting and she couldn’t remember a time she’d felt that. “It’s not easy, but I want to try to explain.” She glanced at their hands and then he moved his. “I’ve been looking out for Leah since then.” She cupped the mug between her hands so she wouldn’t ask him to hold hers again. “Until when her mother sent us away, then Minn appeared and ran us most of the way back here—I don’t have a lot of details to share.”
“I’ve never heard of someone so young shifting.” His tone was soft like he was afraid to talk in his normal voice.
“Aunt Tillie and Nana Pearl told me that,” she shrugged, “Papa Low said it happened, so we’d get home.”
“That’s possible, but after reading the letter I think it was going to happen whether you were running or not.”
“Lyvia didn’t want it to happen there.” She cleared the lump from her throat, “she, ah, said that the people that took us wanted shifters.” He held her look as she spoke; it took focus to not get lost in his eyes. “Why-why would they want shifters?”
Jesse puffed out his cheeks and blew out a long breath, “I can’t even explain that, exactly, but it’s out of control.”
“How?” She slid closer to the table.
“They’ve taken many shifters from different clans,” he looked angry for a second, “some clans are completely gone.”
Evanna lifted her hand and motioned around the room, “wasn’t much left of this one when I got back.”
“I know. I honestly hope we’ll find some of your clan.”
“You’re going to go to those addresses?” Her heart beat a little harder in her chest for a second. Lifting her hand, she hoped he just stopped to let her regain her composure. Closing her eyes, she breathed it away, forcing her pulse to slow to a normal speed. Opening her eyes, she found him watching her, an anxious look in his eyes. “I’m okay.” She swallowed down the bile in the back of her throat. “It’s just, after forcing Minn back today, I’ll be a little shaky and have to watch to keep my heart steady or she could burst out again.”
His eyes widened. “Just tell me to stop if it gets to be too hard for you.”
She nodded.
“One of the first things we’re going to do once we’re off this mountain is hook you up with some elders that will help you tap into your cat and control her easier.”
“Is that possible?”
Jesse nodded, then moved his head from side to side, “most of the time. It’s not foolproof but creating a bond with your cat helps a lot.” He frowned, “I don’t think you had the time for that with how young you were, so she’s able to come out whenever she wants, which could be dangerous once off this mountain.”
“Yeah, I’ve learned that the hard way a few times.”
“You’ve left here?”
“A few times.” She took another sip of the coffee, no longer tasting it. “When they went down for supplies, or Leah and I tried it once on our own—” She sighed, “it didn’t go well.”
“We can talk details later, but just so you know, we’re leaving the mountain—now, what I need to know first, is there just the three of you?”
Evanna nodded her head slowly, she checked constantly for more. “As far as I know. Leah and I messaged each other a few years back and agreed if there were any more that we were aware of and the other wasn’t, we’d tell the other.” She pointed to the journal on the table beside the chair, “we use that.”
Jesse bobbed his head and looked where she pointed. “She mentioned that earlier.” His eyes connected with hers again, “okay, so there’s the three of you.” He bit his lip for a second, “that’s good, I’ve read a bit about your disorder…”
“You know why I’m like this?” She almost jumped onto the table to get closer to him.
“Yes, well, I don’t know a lot but Shaelan, my friend’s mate is a healer, and she knows much more than I do.”
Evanna took a deep breath and blew it out. Keeping her heart steady was getting harder, “okay, so what’s this disorder?”
“Dissociative identity disorder,” he searched her face, watching her carefully, “it used to be called multiple personality disorder…”
“It-it’s a normal thing?” She shrugged; it had a name.
“It’s more common than I knew of, but as I said I don’t know a lot.”
She couldn’t stop looking at him now. What was wrong with them wasn’t just them. She was relieved, intrigued, and terrified all at once.
“Once we’re back, Shaelan says there are ways of managing it…”
“Managing it how?” She’d tried everything for the last five years, to help Leah, control Minn, and get rid of this constant ache in her head. For this entire conversation, she wanted to rest her head on the table and close her eyes but knew that didn’t ease the pain at all.
“I don’t have those details, if you like, later when Shaelan calls, you can speak to her.”
She smirked, “on your little phone?”
Jesse nodded.
Evanna rubbed her forehead, the ache was not easing at all.
“Are you okay?”
The look of concern on his face she found endearing. “My head, it aches all the time, but after earlier, it’s not going to let up any time soon.”
Jesse frowned, “I have acetaminophen down in the van,” he pulled out his phone and looked at it, “I should check with Shaelan and make sure taking it is okay for you.” He looked back at her, “most medication doesn’t help shifters much, our metabolism burns through it fast, but if it helps…”
“This a seat-what—” she shook her head, unable to say whatever he just had, “it’s a pain killer?”
Jesse nodded.
“I’ve never had one. Aunt Pearl used herbs and teas,” she glanced over at the counter, “but they don’t work really.”
“I don’t have a signal here, but I will message her shortly and ask.”
“Message her?” She frowned what that was she didn’t know for sure.
“Yeah, you can,” he held his phone out and leaned across the table, “type a message to someone in it without having to call them.”
She watched as he tapped the screen and brought up a list of names, he hit one and started spelling out words—on the phone. “That’s crazy.” She grinned. “Everyone has one of those phones?”
Jesse leaned back again, “most people do, yes.”
“I have a lot to learn.” A pain stabbed through her head and made her wince.
“I’ll go message Shaelan and check my pack to see if I have any in it.” He got up.
“Hey,” she cleared her throat, “if you have another one of those bars, I’d take it.”
Jesse grinned, “I have a whole case of them in my van.”
“Really?” She stood up slowly. “We could run down and get them.”
Jesse held up his hand, “I don’t think you should go for any more runs today.” He glanced at the door, “I can shift and go down, but I can only bring up what fits in my pack.”
“Your pack?”
“Yeah, a small pack we wear to put our clothes in,” he shook his head, “I have some in the van, I’ll bring you one.”
“That would be cool.” She nodded, then froze for a second. “I can help with bringing more of those bars back up.” She darted into the bedroom. Hurrying, she went in and opened the closet. Digging around in the bottom, she pulled out Papa Low’s hauling bag, or that’s what he used to call it. Going back out she pulled it from the bag and shook it open.
“What is that?” Jesse came over.
“Papa Low and Grampa Virgil used to use them to haul things up from where the truck is hidden.”
He took it and looked at it.
“You put your head through here after you shift,” she motioned to the loop, “and the bottom is made to slide along the ground and not get caught up on everything.” She put her hand inside, “it’s padded on the bottom too, so if you’re hauling up eggs or something breakable, they won’t get broken.”
“This is ingenious.” He smiled at her, “I’ve been trying to figure out how to get things down the mountain when we leave.”
“When will that be?” She crossed her arms over her stomach, there were butterflies in it.
“That’s up to you and Leah. The Alliance is sending someone after we go to pack up things, but I don’t know how Leah is going to feel about leaving.”
Evanna looked over at the journal, “I’ll write her a message while you go get the bars.” She really liked them and wanted to eat about ten of them right now.
“I’ll see if I have any jerky as well.” He rolled the bag back up, “I have some juice and other snacks too.”
“Really? You’re like a traveling market.” She smiled at him. When was the last time she’d done that? Smiled. There was never anyone to smile at or a reason to smile to yourself up here…
“I travel a lot and need to be prepared for everything.” Jesse tucked the bag under his arm. “Let me check with Shaelan while I look in my pack.”
“Okay, I’m going to write to Leah now and try to explain things to her.” She bit her lip, then gave him a wide-eyed look, “there’s a lot to explain.”
Jesse cleared his throat, “just, please tell her I’m sorry about this morning and that I will do anything to keep the three of you safe.”
She searched his face for a moment, not sure why she was feeling emotional from his words. “Will do,” she whispered and then turned her back to him. Moving over she sat down in the chair where the journal sat and opened it. She couldn’t look at him right now, not when she didn’t under this feeling inside her. She heard the door close as he left.