Chad made his way to the master bathroom and did his business. His breathing grew ragged. Now what should he do? He splashed cold water on his face and stared at his reflection in the mirror. He looked like shit. Panicked. Freaked out. It was written all over his face.
He took deep breaths and dried his face before he returned to his room. Jeff was gone. What the hell?
“Jeff?”
“Down here,” he called. “I’ve gotta go.”
Chad yanked on his boxer briefs and hurried down the stairs. “What?”
Jeff was almost completely dressed, his mouth twisted in a wistful smile that didn’t meet his eyes. “I pushed. You weren’t ready. I’ve got to go. That look of panic when you realized I was still here was too much for me.”
Chad stood rooted to the spot, unable to think of the right thing to say. After all, this was what he wanted, right? Jeff was saying only what Chad had been thinking.
“Yeah. Got it, Chad.” He grabbed his shirt and headed for the door.
“Wait! I’ll take you home. You don’t have a car here.”
“I called Uber. My ride’s almost here.”
Shit.
Jeff looked at him again. Waited a second.
Chad did nothing. Said nothing.
Jeff shook his head and pulled open the door, waving over his shoulder as he left without another word.
Chad slumped onto the stairs and fought against the crushing sensation in his chest. Tears welled up and poured over his lids and down his cheeks before he even knew they were coming. He leaned his head against the railing and let the tears flow until there were no more.
He had no idea how long he sat there. It could have been five minutes or an hour. All he knew was it took every ounce of strength he had to make his way upstairs to get ready for work.
Work. For the first time in his life he considered calling in when he wasn’t really sick. But when he sat on his bed to put on his shoes, he caught a whiff of Jeff’s scent and had to fight the tears again. No, he couldn’t stay here all day wallowing.
What the hell was he wallowing about? He got exactly what he wanted. Hot sex with no-strings attached.
He grabbed a granola bar and tossed it in the passenger seat, but he already knew he wouldn’t be eating it. He wasn’t sure he could have kept it down.
* * * *
At the station, Chad moved through his day like a zombie. If anyone talked to him, he ignored them. He was lost in his own mind.
“Charming? Chad?”
He finally looked up from his computer screen and saw Lydia. He blinked at her.
“I’ve been trying to get your attention forever!” she told him.
“Oh.”
“You look like crap.”
“Thanks. I feel like crap.”
“Wanna talk about it?”
Do I want to talk about how much of an ass I am? Nope. He shook his head. How do I explain I just screwed over the most amazing man I’ve ever met?
“Lydia?” They both turned at the sound of their sergeant, standing in the doorway. “Lydia, I need you to get to the high school. There’s been some sort of accident. A couple of high school kids called nine-one-one.”
“Yes, sir. On my way.”
“Take Grant,” he said. “He just dropped off an arrest and he’s still up front.”
“Yes,” she said, dashing across the room.
“Do you know what’s going on?” Chad asked, assuming the accident involved a kid.
“Yeah, it’s the drama teacher. Fell off the stage or something like that.”
Chad’s chest tightened and his breath caught in his throat. “Jeff Garner?”
“That’s why I wanted to let you know. I realize you guys are…well, anyway, if you want to head over there, you can.” He narrowed his eyes. “But you are not going in an official capacity,” he warned, pointing a finger at him. “Got it?”
“Yes, sir. I understand,” Chad answered, already racing toward the door. “I’ll catch a ride with Lydia and Grant.”
His heart raced the entire ride to the school. Chad kept picturing Jeff broken and battered on the ground. How big was a stage anyway? How high was the drop? What the hell was he doing on the edge of the stage?
How could he have let that man walk out of his house this morning, thinking he didn’t want him? He not only wanted him, he needed him. Needed Jeff in his life.
Within minutes, they pulled into the high school parking lot and Chad’s chest tightened at the sight of the ambulance and fire truck. Lydia maneuvered the vehicle to the side entrance and pulled to the curb. Chad jumped out before the car had come to a complete stop.