Chapter 26 Purity Ball Pt II— Where It All Started
The grip on my hand was rather too tight.
“Mom,” I whispered, leaning closer so only she could hear, “you’re holding me too hard. It hurts.”
Mom blinked, as if coming out of a trance, and loosened her fingers slightly. Her eyes were glassy with emotion — pride and worry mixed with something heavier I couldn’t name.
“I’m sorry, baby,” she said softly, forcing a smile. “I just… I don’t want to let you go tonight. This night is important.”
I nodded, even though my stomach was in knots. The note was still crumpled in my other hand, burning like fire against my palm. 'I have the original. Front row. Come find me after the second candle, or everyone sees everything.'
“I need to use the bathroom,” I said, pulling away gently. “I’ll be right back.”
Mom hesitated, then nodded. “Hurry back, okay? Don’t wander.”
I slipped away through the crowd, weaving between smiling faces and white dresses. The hymns felt louder now, almost mocking. My heart was pounding so hard I could hear it in my ears. Every person I passed felt like a potential threat. Every shadow felt like eyes watching me.
I used the bathroom quickly, splashing cold water on my face and staring at my reflection. The girl in the mirror looked terrified. Broken. Nothing like the pure, innocent daughter everyone thought I was.
On my way back, I passed the small storage room behind the stage. The door was slightly ajar.
I stopped.
Memories flooded me without warning.
This was the room. The one where Eli had first opened up to me during one of the mid-week fellowship. Where he had kissed me like he was starving. Where I had lost my virginity on a pile of folded banners, whispering prayers between moans while he moved inside me. Where I had fallen so deeply, so stupidly in love with the one person I should never have touched.
Tears burned in my eyes.
I knew I shouldn’t, but I pushed the door open and stepped inside anyway.
The room was dim, lit only by a small emergency light. The familiar scent of old wood and fabric hit me. I closed the door behind me and leaned against it, letting the tears fall freely now.
This was where it all started. Where I had given him everything. Where I had convinced myself that our love was worth the sin. And now I was here — he's engaged to someone else in secret, while I was still aching from him, still loving him like a fool.
I slid down the wall until I was sitting on the floor, hugging my knees. The white dress pooled around me like a lie. I cried quietly, shoulders shaking, the note still clutched in my fist.
I didn’t hear the door open.
Strong arms wrapped around me from behind.
I jolted violently, heart leaping into my throat.
“I rebuke you in the name of Jesus!” I gasped, trying to pull away in panic.
The arms tightened gently. A familiar warmth. A familiar scent.
Eli.
For one weak, traitorous second, I stayed there — letting him hold me from behind, my back against his chest, his arms around my waist. My hands unconsciously caressed his forearms, feeling the muscles I knew so well. It felt safe. It felt like home.
Then reality crashed back.
I pushed him away hard, scrambling to my feet.
“Don’t touch me,” I hissed, tears still streaming down my face. “Don’t you dare.”
Eli looked at me, and for the first time in a long time, I saw real pain in his eyes. He reached out to wipe my tears.
I caught his wrist, stopping him. “Don’t.”
“Abby…” His voice was low, rough. “You’re breaking my heart right now.”
I laughed through my tears — bitter and broken. “Your heart? What about mine? You’ve been treating me like a toy, Eli. You fuck me in secret, you go cold when I ask for the truth, and now someone has a photo that could ruin me. I showed you the text. You said you’d handle it and walked away like I was nothing. Now someone handed this note to me few moments ago."
I pulled out the note and shoved it into his chest.
He took it, read it silently. His jaw tightened. His mood shifted instantly — dark, dangerous.
“How dare he do that to you,” he growled.
“How do you know it’s a ‘he’?” I snapped.
“It’s Caleb,” he said without hesitation. “This is exactly the kind of thing he would do.”
“Caleb?” I whispered, shocked. “He’s too nice… he wouldn’t—”
“People aren’t always what they seem to be,” Eli interrupted, voice cold. “Take you for example. Everyone thinks you’re the church’s perfect pure girl. But they don’t know the grave sins you’ve committed with me in this very room amongst others.”
The words hit like a slap.
I reacted without thinking — my hand flew across his face, the sound sharp in the small room.
The moment I did it, horror filled me. “Eli… I’m sorry. I didn’t mean—”
He caught my hand gently, kissed the palm, and chuckled softly, the sound low and tired. “It’s fine. The truth hurts. I’m guilty too. I’m the one who led you into sin.”
He looked every bit the 38-year-old man he was in that moment — tired, burdened, but still so dangerously magnetic.
I stared at him, tears falling. “How long have you had a fiancée? Tell me the truth.”
Eli exhaled slowly. “Not here. Not now.”
“Yes, here. Yes, now,” I insisted, voice rising. “I deserve to know.”
He lost it for a second. His voice rose. “Do you think I want this? This feels like torture every single day—”
He stopped himself, breathing hard. Pain was clear in his eyes. Real pain.
“I don’t want to marry her,” he said finally, voice breaking slightly. “My father arranged it against my will. I don’t even think the marriage will happen. My heart… my heart is already set on someone else.”
I was shocked. Tears fell faster. “Then why didn’t you tell me?”
He stepped closer, voice softer. “Some things can’t survive being spoken out loud. That doesn’t mean they don’t exist.”
“That’s a beautiful way of saying nothing,” I said, rolling my eyes through my tears.
“It’s a truthful way of saying not here. Not tonight.” He stepped even closer, voice dropping to almost a whisper. “A candle doesn’t care why it’s burning. It just burns. Don’t go meet whoever sent that note, Abby. I need you to trust me on this. I can’t let you walk into a burning house with nothing to quench the fire. I’d rather burn with you than watch you walk in alone. Trust me to deal with the source of the fire and terminate it.”
“How can I trust you?” I whispered, voice breaking. “You haven’t done anything about the threat since last Sunday. You just keep saying you’ll handle it.”
He didn’t reply for a long moment. The silence stretched between us.
Then he said quietly, “You just don’t have to worry. I hate seeing you worry.”
That pissed me off. “How can I not worry, Eli? My life is falling apart because of us!”
He told me to lower my voice, then grabbed my waist gently, almost lovingly. I fell into him despite myself. He held me for a long while, stroking my hair romantically, assuring me it was going to be okay.
I cried into his broad chest. I fucking loved this boy. Even when he hurt me. Even when he hid things. Even when I knew it was wrong.
“Do you feel dirty about all this?” I asked suddenly, pulling back slightly. “Does our relationship affect your faith the way it destroys mine?”
Eli looked at me for a long moment, then smirked — that dangerous, beautiful smirk.
“I can’t feel dirty when I’m with the purest girl I know.”
“Flattering won’t get you anywhere,” I said, voice shaky. “And who said I’m pure?”
“How the fuck can I still be?” I added bitterly.
Eli’s smirk deepened. “Do you even know what it means to be pure?”