Chapter 27: High on tears

Sin's eyes closed slowly, and he let out a small sigh.

"When will you admit that you lied to me?"

He raised a brow but didn't open his eyes. "About what?"

I shrugged, letting my thumb caress his forehead a little. He seemed to relax once I did, and I focused on his forehead more, my brows lightly furrowed.

"Well, about not being scared of anything. I can tell for one that you are scared of losing your daughter."

He smiled. "I like how you address her as my daughter, Annalise. No matter what anyone says, she is my daughter."

I chuckled. "You are quite easily pleased for a man who is literally named Sin."

He slowly opened his eyes. "I am easily pleased. And somehow you know how to. None of that, however, takes from the fact that I am Sin."

I nodded slowly. "What... will you do if Callum decides to file for custody of Angel?"

He shrugged. "I will kill him."

"Sin."

"I will. I am not going to filter anything for you. You saw that brute who was trying to take advantage of you. That's exactly how I would end my former best friend. Angel is the only thing keeping me sane. No one wants to see what I am like without her."

I blinked, my lips parting as I watched his eyes. They had hardened, and his fingers were gripping mine tighter.

I brought my hand to gently touch his cheek. It was a soft, almost nonexistent touch, and he looked at me, confusion tainting his anger.

"What are you doing?"

I gave a small, wistful smile. "I wish my mother was this protective of me."

His lips parted, and he sighed, his eyes leaving mine. "What happened with her?"

"You don't want me crying on you."

"What if I do?"

I sighed. "Are you just being kind?"

"What if I am?"

"Why would you be?"

"Because I can," he said, sitting up, his eyes holding mine. "Why are you letting me lie on your lap? Why are you doing more than you need to?"

"Sin..."

"Stop questioning every single thing. I give back what is given to me. If you had met me aloof, that is what I will give you."

I swallowed, my eyes lowering to my fingers. His fingers cupped my face, and I looked up at him, my eyes glassy with tears as I let them dart across both of his.

"I just... you remind me of a life I never had. From the clothes, to the extent you could go for a daughter that isn't even biologically yours. For a child that was a product of your best friend stabbing you in the back, yet..." I trailed off, my tears running slowly down my cheeks. "Yet you do everything for her. It makes me wonder if... there was just something wrong with me. If there was just something unlovable about me."

Sin moved a little closer, his eyes holding mine. "Do you want a drink? A cigarette? Or a hug?"

I brought the back of my hand to wipe my tears, my lips parting so I could breathe. "Which one would I not need to compensate you for?"

"The hug. My cigars are expensive."

I broke into a laugh and moved into his body, my eyes closing as I buried my face in the crook of his neck. My lips parted as he held me tight, his skin fragrant, and soft. I could see a small scar to the side of his ear, but it slowly blurred out with the tears, my body trembling hard.

Suddenly, Sin moved me, then let me rest on his lap, my legs on either side of him, my hands wrapped around his neck.

This wasn't how I had intended to finish today, but this... it was one of those days. I had gotten accustomed to living with the abuse, to living with the weight of my own mother snatching my life away from me. I had gotten accustomed to the weight of the uncried tears hanging behind my eyes.

I couldn't help but be jealous of Sin's daughter. If he had his way, she would never know the truth, and she would never have to worry about anything. I could see Sin going to the ends of the world for her, and I couldn't help but wish that at least one person had done the same for me.

Maybe my father would have, but I will never find out because he collapsed that night and never woke up.

I slowly moved away from Sin, and he let his eyes rest on me, his fingers moving through my hair.

"Aren't you a little crazy?"

I sniffed. "Why?"

"You were trying to lure me to sleep when you had those tears to spare?"

I swallowed, my eyes drifting across his face. He looked a bit tender now, and maybe I was high on the sadness, but it was attractive seeing him that way, his skin a little moist from my tears.

He met my eyes, then gave a small sigh. "You should sleep. I want to get drunk."

I swallowed, watching him, my chest heaving lightly. He slowly moved my hair to tuck it behind my ear, and I felt my stupid little heart lightly flutter. I felt myself liking the bare minimum he gave me because I didn't know how to have more.

So I did the silliest thing ever. I held his hand, then leaned to cover the distance, leaning in towards him, my eyes fixed on his lips.

For the first few seconds, he let me cover the distance to him before he suddenly put a hand on my shoulder, stopping me.

"Don't," he said, his voice low, husky.

I immediately pulled away, my eyes wide, my chest heaving with embarrassment. I could feel my cheeks heat up with the blood rushing faster to them, and I swallowed, lowering my eyes.

"I am sorry, I... I was... I am sorry, I just..."

He didn't reply and simply got out of bed. My heart sank as I watched him flip a shirt over his shoulders, then walk away, leaving me confused and completely ashamed of myself.