Chapter 48: FORTY - EIGHT

CELESTIA

I didn’t bother to look back when the door closed behind me as I threw myself over the bed and buried my face into the pillows. Heaps of sorrow piled on me, like giant blocks of bricks and suffocated me inside out. Letting myself out, I clutched the sheets tighter and howled into the fabric until there was nothing but raw emotions left in me.

How could the man, kind and loving, change so monstrously overnight?

The question plagued me every second. And whenever my thoughts back-peddled to last night, shame washed over me like tidal waves. I was stupid and naive to weave false hopes into the fabric of my misfortune and forgot my place in his life. I was his captive – a pawn in the game of chess that he seemed to play so well.

‘You were willing, and you loved every bit of it.’ The words seemed to bounce around the confines of my skull, making it throb. Raffaele made me sound like a…slut…for wanting him the way I did.

Every time I tried to shove those words, it only echoed deeper. I felt them hum along my skin as the vibration spread itself across my bones. Every syllable crawled under my skin and refused to leave.

It was not the words he said but how he spoke them.

I have never been more hurt. He deliberately made me bleed from the sharpness of his harsh words, and even though the scars did not show, they hung on to every artery that kept me alive.

I lost track of time while the salty streaks dried on my cheeks and lay there staring at the ceiling. A certain veil of numbness took over, but the pain would sometimes come forward by the slightest reminiscence.

Hours later, a faint sound registered at the door, but I didn’t bother to look up. Eventually, the footsteps came closer, and it was then I shot a brief glance.

“You can take that back; I am not hungry, Lila,” I croaked from all the crying. By the look on her face, it was evident that she knew of the altercations or caught the wind.

“I understand.” Her voice was exceptionally soft. “Can I at least sit with you?”

Lila was such an effervescent soul that one could never be unnecessarily harsh on her. I didn’t know how she does it, but her soothing effect always rubs on people and creates a halo of serenity in any circumstance.

I nodded, shifting away and sat hugging my knees. Lila placed a couple of books and joined me on the bed. “I also got you these in case you want to read something to take your mind off...”

I looked up, resting my chin atop the knees. “You mean to take my mind off the fact that I am locked in here without a choice?” It hurt every time I was reminded of being his captive.

She flinched at my words as a flicker of pain and guilt shone through her features. “I didn’t mean that. But I do understand your anger.”

I closed my eyes, and it burned for a second from the long hours of crying. “You don’t, Lila. Nobody can,” I whispered, almost choking on the words.

“He sometimes loses his temper, but he quickly…”

“Stop.” Like a mindless child, I put my hands against my ears. “Don’t, please don’t defend him. It won’t make me feel any different about him, especially the way he treated me. And I don’t want to get mad at you because of him.”

Lila touched my hand and gave a gentle squeeze. “I am sorry, Celestia. You should not have been in this position.”

We stayed quiet for a long beat and eventually shifted to comfortable topics that reminded of neither Raffaele nor my mother. Lila pleaded with me to eat a little, and after several attempts, I did give in and took a bite of her vanilla cake.

There was something about this place…it resonated with some of the best and bitter memories. In here, I found a friend and a confidant in Lila, a sense of independence, and then everything was snatched away at that blink of an eye.

There was a soft knock on the door that took our attention, and on impulse, when Lila was about to get to it, it swung open. A familiar face peeked in, but I was not ready for a visitor right now.

It would only make things worse, I knew. But he walked in nevertheless.

“Lila, give us a moment please,” Amadeo’s cultured voice issued. Lila gave a short nod and sent me a brief glance before walking out and closed the door behind her.

Amadeo came closer to the end of the bed and sat on its edge, leaving a healthy distance between us. He looked much tired since I saw him this morning and it wasn’t even the end of the day.

“I know I am not allowed to leave this room, but can I at least have some privacy? Or I am not allowed to enjoy that as well?” I asked cuttingly.

“You are entitled to all your freedoms, Celestia,” he said softly as if to soothe the simmering anger under my skin. “I don’t care what my brother has mandated. I have a say in this house as well. I’ll make sure you are given the comfort you deserve.”

“Comfort?” I huffed a laugh and mentally rolled my eyes. “Of course. And why would you go against your brother?” It made no sense. Amadeo, if not the perpetrator, was a silent spectator to the whole fiasco. To me, he was equally guilty as his brother.

But his next words took me by surprise. “Because it is the right thing to do. And, also, a sort of apology from my end.”

I sat straighter and threw him a skeptical look. “Apology?”

He nodded. “I owe you one. It wasn’t my brother who took you that night. It was me. None of this would have happened without my actions.”

Amadeo was right in some sense. I should have been equally mad at him, but somehow I couldn’t bring to direct my fury at him.

“Even if I believe that your apology is sincere, it changes nothing for me,” I told him.

“I wish things were different, but unfortunately it’s not. Rafe and your mother have locked horns, and sadly, you are the collateral damage.”

How easy was it for him to put me in a pedestal of sacrifice for no fault of mine, while he completely ignored the guilty party? Rage bubbled within me anew. “If you would ask me, your brother is at fault here.”

“In other circumstances, I would have agreed, but not this time,” he said adamantly. “He is trying to protect you. In his own twisted and complicated way, but he cares about you more than you think.”

I let out a bark of laughter at his words. “This is the funniest thing I have heard all day.”

“You are angry right now, Celestia, and you have every right to be,” Amadeo continued in his attempt to change my mind. “But think of all those times when Rafe could have really hurt you, and he chose not to. He didn’t want you hurt. Ever.”

There was a balcony cloud hovering over my heart. I closed my eyes as if not wanting to see through reasons and logics, but somewhere, deep down, the words struck a chord.

He didn’t want you hurt.

And yet all he has done till now led to despair and devastation. He could have done things a million ways differently, but he didn’t choose to do that.

“Then why can’t he let me go?” I argued. “Locking me up is definitely not a way to win my happiness.”

Amadeo flinched with something akin to regret. “I am afraid one day he has to let you go, and I don’t know he is ready for that.”

I looked away, hiding the burning tears threatening to spill. “I am his insurance to keep my mother in line, after all.”

“You are the reason my brother has a stupid smile on his face this morning, and now that everything has gone for a toss, I wish they didn’t.” I caught his eye and tried to read between the lines as he continued. “Rafe didn’t mean to snap at you or lock you in. He was just acting out the only way he knew how. Apparently, my brother hasn’t countered too many emotions.” he said it with what looked like genuine regret.

“So, you want me to cut him slack because he is naturally a moron?”

“Precisely, yes.” Amadeo smiled briefly and nodded. “He lashed out more in despair than anger. And in my experience, if you throw stones at a person when he’s hurting, it will never help.”

How could I not take it to my heart and feel betrayed after what Raffaele and I shared last night? And surely, his brother didn’t know a thing about it.

“Think about what I said Celestia.” Amadeo got up and found his way out of the room, leaving me to deal with conflicting emotions.

I have a special surprise coming for you all tomorrow? Menawhile, would you guys like a ship name for Rafe and Celestia? I am totally out of ideas and would love some recommendations. Pretty please?