Chapter 5

“Callie!” Julia calls to me as soon as I enter the dining hall in Chalmers. I see her hand raised and waving to me. She’s sitting at a table smack-dab in the center near the salad bar. Even if she wasn’t waving to me, I couldn’t not notice her: she’s wearing a bright yellow linen sundress with double-spaghetti straps and matching yellow kitten heels decorated with tiny Black-Eyed Susans.

She is the sun.

Moreover, she’s surrounded by fellow students. Like, the really good-looking ones. The athletes. The best-dressed. They are the life of the dining hall, the center of everyone’s attention.

Holy crap. Julia’s a Popular Girl. My roommate is one of the Chosen Ones.

I’ve lost my appetite. There are already a swarm of butterflies in my stomach anyway; it’s unlikely I could fit any food in there.

All I wanted was someone who was a little more unlike me, a little more outgoing, a little more outspoken. I can almost hear Aunt Bea’s voice in my ear, “Be careful what you wish for.”

Julia waves to me again and this time I nod back at her. Add a big smile, Callie, that’s it, with teeth and everything.

I slowly wend my way through the tables, taking the long way across the room, which isn’t nearly large enough to give me the time I need to think of something clever to say to all of Julia’s awesome friends.

Or to find a new and improved outfit. A quick glance down at my body confirms my sinking feeling that I’m wearing plaid and denim and a pair of duck shoes. And not even my good duck shoes but the crappy green ones with the ripped soles Beatrix wanted me to throw out when we were packing.

I arrive in front of Julia Poole in record time. “Hey.”

“This is Callie, my roommate,” she tells the students standing behind her. “Sit, Callie.”

They nod and offer me casual hey’s and hi’s and yo’s and go back to their conversations, sort of kinda including me but not really; finally, they drift away, leaving me and Julia and one other girl who seems just as quiet as I am. Julia shakes her blond hair off her shoulders with a smile and a sigh, as if it’s a tough job being Popular.

“That’s such a pretty dress,” I say to her. Do other people do that – offer sudden random compliments when they can’t think of anything else to say? Or is it just me?

“Thank you, that’s so sweet.” Julia leans toward me again and I can see her hand shooting out, about to touch my arm – a gesture of friendship, I know, but one I have to deny her. I sit back in my chair just out of her reach.

“It’s a little bright for Darby Cove,” the girl at the table says, earning a stuck-out tongue from my roommate but also nicely deflecting my diss.

“Not all of us feel the need to wear our uniforms before classes have even started, Fi,” Julia says. “Some of us own actual wardrobes.” Then she turns to me.

“This is Fiona Geddes,” she says, introducing her long-faced friend. “Fiona, Calliope Bellflower.”

This is the MG my aunt was warned about? She looks so innocent. Just look at that perfectly-oval head and smooth skin. Her face nearly screams “average.” Thick sandy bangs hang past her eyebrows and a neat braid is tucked into her collar. A navy headband neatly separates the front of her hair from the back, as if it had been drawn there.

Fiona’s uniform fits her perfectly, I notice, with nary a gap or bulge in the cloth of her white blouse. She looks as if she were born to wear a blue plaid skirt and navy blazer.

I note too that her right arm rests in a canvas sling – dark blue to match her uniform.

And that sling conveniently prevents us from shaking hands. Perfect.

“Hi,” I say.

“Fiona’s in my Shakespeare class with your aunt,” Julia says. “She’s a senior too.”

“I skipped a grade,” Fiona adds.

“She’s in the room next to Caitlin on the fourth floor.”

“I have a single.”

“Oh. Cool,” I say.

“No one has their own room here,” Julia says. “Fiona’s special. Aren’t you, Fi?”

Fiona smirks around the straw in her iced tea. “If you say so.”

I nod at her arm. “What happened?”

“Accident.”

“What kind of—”

“Where are you from?” Fiona interrupts me. Her voice is flat and I wonder if I’ve offended her somehow by asking about her arm or if she’s suddenly taken a dislike of me.

“Um, .”

“Do that funny accent you did for me,” Julia urges with a smile. “You know.”

She did think I was funny!

“Um, ayuh,” I say, watching Fiona frown into her glass and then swirl the ice cubes around and around.

Julia giggles and I kind of smile to acknowledge my roommate’s appreciation of my supreme comedic talents. Fiona glances up, as if the laughter was waking her from a pleasant daydream. “Oh, was that it? Yeah, funny.”

I feel suddenly awkward and uncomfortable and I stare at the empty table space in front of me, wishing I had at least grabbed a cup of coffee or a soda on my way into the dining hall. I don’t want to look like I’m trying so hard but I can’t help it. I’m just not any good at this sort of thing.

I can feel the temperature beneath my plain white tee and red plaid shirt rise, bathing my underarms in sweat. An urge to run away overwhelms me but I manage to stay calm.

Bad things happen when I’m not calm.

Julia’s hand touches mine, making me jump. She smiles. “You okay?”

I immediately pull back my hand. “Oh, yeah, sure, fine, fine,” I answer too quickly to be chill.

Oh no! I had been so good about not making any contact with my roommate. I rub the top of my hand where her fingers touched me as if I can press her away. Damn.

“You don’t have a headache?”

“What?” Startled, I turn on my roommate. “What do you mean?”

Julia exchanges a glance with Fiona. “I’m sorry, Callie. I was poking around the medicine cabinet in our room after you left and I saw the bottle of blue pills.”

Oh my lord…

“Julia, I—”

And then her hand is on mine again. This time I don’t bother to pull away, the damage has already been done.

“Migraines, right?”

“Oh, I, um, yes.”

“My brother gets them. He has to take special drugs for it too.”

“Meds, huh?” Fiona asks and her hazel eyes scrutinize me.

Does she now think I’m a special needs case? I shouldn’t care, I know, and she’s just one girl but she’s obviously Julia’s buddy and I like Julia and I want her to like me and…

…I smile weakly at the two of them.

“Anything good you can share?” And Fiona’s face widens into a grin before she and Julia collapse into laughter. I can feel my lungs exhale the breath I had been holding as I chuckle along with them.

For the first time since I sat down, I feel welcome.

“What do ya want?” I lean toward the girls. “Reds, blues, black beauties?”

This makes them both laugh longer and harder. Well, all right, Callie, not too shabby a start. When I sit back in my chair, I notice the dining hall has emptied.

“Looks like dinner is over,” I say, expecting Fiona and Julia to rise but the girls remain seated.

“You go on,” Julia says. “We’ll catch up later.”

“Oh. Okay.” I slowly stand and push my chair under the table. The girls smile at me, waiting. Waiting for me to leave. Waiting to be alone.

As I walk away from the table, I strain to hear their voices.

“…bell, book and candle…” floats out of Julia in a singsong.

“…bad idea…” I hear from Fiona.

I wonder what that could be.