Chapter 4: Emmy

It’s been a few days since I came back to the team. Each day it gets a little less awkward. Bex, Brie, and Avery are happy I’m home. They seem to have forgiven me for leaving the way I did. However, not everyone is thrilled I’m home. I know it’s going to take some time for everyone to fully forgive me and be happy that I’m home.

Carter is keeping his distance. He keeps telling me he isn't ready to talk yet. It’s killing me that he won't talk to me much less look at me. I hate it. It’s driving me crazy. I want to talk to him, but I know he needs time. I also know that pushing him to talk to me isn’t going to help. I’m trying to remind myself that we are soulmates and that we love each other. We can work through this. After all, every relationship faces challenges.

As for Ryan, well he’s being Ryan. He’s been giving me dirty looks when he thinks I’m not looking. Alice is still pissed. I can tell by her sarcastic comments every time I try to suggest something. I know she needs time, but I also know she won’t stay mad at me forever. We are best friends. This wouldn’t be the first time one of us is mad at the other one. In the end we always forgive each other.

Jason and Kenzie came to see me. I got a serious talking to, but in the end, they are happy I’m home and safe. Jason and my dad attempted to talk things out and came to some mutual agreement, but I think they still secretly can't stand each other. They are being civil for now.

My dad is focusing his time and energy on how to save my mom from the Enchantress. My dad’s devotion to my mom is romantic. I can tell he would do anything to have her back. I just hope he can figure something out, but I’m not getting my hopes up. I can also see how stressed he is about trying to save mom. Maybe he can get some help from Vivian, she is pretty resourceful.

The team has grown a lot since I left. They are like a well-oiled machine. I feel like I get in the way half the time when they are running drills and training. Daren, Stella, and Ivy have done a great job with getting the team in shape and working together. I wish I could have been there with them, but I know it was too dangerous. Unfortunately, while I was fighting my inner demons, my team advanced without me. Now I’m left playing catch up.

I’m sitting on the sideline at the moment watching them run a drill. I got in the way earlier so Daren suggested I watch from the sideline to see how they work together. I think he is just trying to be nice because Ryan is getting frustrated with me ruining their groove.

Unfortunately, I’m not even paying attention to the drill because I’m too focused on Carter. He has gotten a bit more buff, toned, and muscular since I last saw him. He is a beast with his Glocks. In fact, everyone was great with their weapons. Luckily, my dad trained me with my weapons so I’m at least not behind in that part of the group training.

I’ve been informed that the team has gone on missions without me already. I didn't know why, but it surprised me. I thought maybe they wouldn't go without me. After all, I am their leader. Even if I was missing, I still didn’t think they would be able to do much without me. Damn, that sounds so selfish of me. I’m not normally self-centered, but right now I sound like it. Maybe I thought they couldn't fully function with me gone, but Alice pointed out that after I left the team really came together. I don’t know if she was just stating a fact, or trying to hurt my feelings, knowing her it was probably both.

It bothers me that they work so well together without me. Maybe I shouldn’t have come back. Now I just feel unsure of myself. I hate being unsure of myself. I’ve worked hard to not have self-doubt, but it is hard not to when half of my team can't stand the sight of me, and my boyfriend would rather pretend that I didn't exist. I guess I’m still going to have moments where myself doubt creeps up on me, but at least now I’m better equipped to deal with it.

After training, it’s dinner time. The team still seems to stick to the same schedule they had before I left. This is a good thing for me because I’m at least familiar with it. However, that couldn’t be said about everything else. I still feel out of place with my team even if half of them were talking to me. Once again, I feel out of place in my life. I’m reminded of what it was like all the years I was with the Chase family, but the one difference is I know that I belong here. This is just an adjustment period or that’s what I keep telling myself.

I wasn’t expecting much from Ryan, but Carter and Alice's silence hurts. Dinner is on the quiet side. The team is tired from training. While at dinner we find out there is a new mission. We will be briefed on the details tomorrow morning during training. I have to wonder if I will be a part of this mission since I’m still not in sync with the team. I might be more a hindrance than a help.

Dinner ends with tension between everyone. I decided to take a walk in the manor gardens to help ease my anxiety. It’s the end of November and I don't care that it’s chilly out because I want the fresh cool air. I pull my army print jacket around me as I walk to the gazebo that is in the center of the gardens.

The cool air is soothing, and it seems to chase away my anxiety. I sit down on the bench in the gazebo and let out a sigh that I didn’t even know I was holding. I close my eyes to listen to the nature around me. I need to clear my mind and find a way to deal with how I’m feeling. If I don’t deal with my feelings, they can turn against me, and my inner monster will come to play. I really want Carter to talk to me. I can’t take this tension between us. I miss him and need him, but I've hurt him. He feels so far away to me as if he is stuck in the distance and I can’t reach him.

“Emmy.” Carter’s voice echoes in my mind. When I feel a hand on my shoulder, I realize I’m not imagining it. I open my eyes and there my love stands in front of me looking down with his deep hazel eyes that seem darker than normal.

“I’m ready to talk. Can I sit?” He asks as he gestures to the open seat next to me.

“Yes of course.” I smile. He sits down. Before he can say a word, I start talking first. “Carter, I’m sorry.” I feel tears prick the back of my eyes.

“I know you are. I want to know how bad it was. I want you to show me how bad it was that you had to leave. You can do that can’t you?” I can see the curiousness in his eyes accompanied by his serious facial expression.

“I can. Let’s not time travel though that’s always risky, but I can show you through a vision memory type thing.” There’s no real term for what I’m about to do and I haven’t come up with a cool name for it yet.

I put my forehead against Carter’s and show him what I was like. I have to relive some of the worst moments of my life, but if it helps him see that I had to leave then I will gladly relive those horrible moments over and over again. After a few minutes I pull back and look at Carter. He looks shocked and worried.

“Damn Emmy. I didn’t think it was that bad. Hell, you’re right if you stayed you would have ended up hurting or killing one of us. I understand why you left, but it still doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt, babe.”

Carter pulls me towards him, and I snuggle up to his chest.

“I know it hurt you, but it killed me to leave you. I hate that I had to leave you guys. I was on the razor's edge, it almost killed me.” I suppress the sob that is in my throat.

I hate thinking about what I went through and how close I came to death on more than one occasion.

Carter pulls away from me and then kisses me on the lips. I forgot how electric it feels when Carter and I kiss or do anything physical together. I missed his touch and I realize in that moment that I need his touch. I need him to help hold me together. It’s been way too long since we’ve had sex.

I wrap my arms around Carter’s neck and pull him closer to me. I need him and I think he needs me as well. One of Carter’s hands wanders to my breast and grabs it. I moan into him.

Carter breaks our kiss.

“I need you, Emmy. I need to be inside of you. Can you take us somewhere more private?”

I nod my head. I have just the place in mind that I know will be perfect for our reunion.