Chapter 38: Flashing Lights

Elinn The shadows dance around my skin delighted that I will let them touch me. They tear at my flesh pushing memories and thoughts into my head relentlessly. Forcing me to see and think about things that had been altered, repressed, or forgotten altogether. Two of the shadows, in particular, I had become rather accustomed to. Their main focus seemed to be to get some level of emotion out of me, and at this point, there wasn't much left to try to pull so they used what they could. I named them accordingly, pain and panic, my greatest tormentors in this hell that was my reality. They never seemed to stop, constantly pulling me into scenes of destruction and fear. When one finished the other jumped in to make sure I was getting my daily doses of misery. They seemed to control the other shadows or at least have some sway over them. Looming taller than the others they ordered them to hold me down as they shoved images down my throat as if it were fine wine. I was too exhausted to fight them anymore, I hadn't been able to stop them for some time. It felt like years I had been trapped down here, reliving the things my mind kept hidden, even from myself. Places and pain I had pushed so far down in my mind I never would have found it myself. Day after day dragged through the things I had fought so hard to forget. I felt nothing besides what they told me to feel and even then sometimes I felt nothing at all. I remember that I had been numb once before and the beautiful man with the dark brown hair. His piercing blue eyes seemed to follow me in every memory I was dragged into. Pain approaches me, his cold black fingers caress my neck. I close my eyes and relish the feeling of something against my skin, I am desperate for contact at this point. I have no one to hold me, to comfort me, to give me anything besides torment so I live for the moments when anything touches my skin. Now I crave the faint whisper soft feeling of their snakey tendrils against my skin. "Are you ready my dear?" His raspy voice echoes in the void where we reside. "Please," I beg him desperate to see anything besides this horrid black. Pain smiles at me then uses his tendrils to plunge into my brain. My thoughts blur and fuzz before it all disappears and is replaced by whatever Pain wants me to see today. I am strapped to Master's work table, he is standing by a cart digging through various boxes filled with different vials. Two of his friends sit in chairs at the end of the table watching me silently. I know better than to look any of them in the eyes and stare straight up at the ceiling. "Pet, you have been such a good girl this past week. Master is so very pleased with the progress you have been making. As a reward after today's lesson, you will not have to do chores tomorrow or even leave your room. I will give you a day to relax, but that is only if I am pleased with today's outcome." He tells me and I keep my gaze locked on the ceiling not moving a muscle as instructed. "Good girl, now let's get this started shall we?" Master turns holding a long needle in his hand, his regular smirk still plastered to his face. "Now gentlemen you are going to record everything you see as I begin the process. She has begun to show signs that it has been wearing off, I hope that with this larger dosage it will stay repressed for longer." He approaches me and presses the edge of the needle to my bound wrist. I do my best not to let my flinch show, but I cannot hide the fear in my eyes. "No need to fear my dear, we are going to make sure you stay just the way you are. Small and unable to resist us," With that, he jams the plunger down and whatever was inside is rocketed into my system. I wait for the pain, but it doesn't come and I try not to sigh in relief. Then it hits me, an ice cold flame running along my arms veins. I cannot keep in the cry of pain that escapes my mouth at the unexpected load. I hear the men's pencils begin to fly across the page watching and gauging my reaction. Before I can really even register what is going on another needle is being plunged into my other arm. I am able to keep my moans of pain in as I wait for the second injection to come into effect and double my suffering. When it finally hits me I squeeze my eyes shut, I take my mind somewhere else. I go to a place where pain does not exist, where this is not real, where this is all just some messed up dream. I can't stay in that fantasy long when another needle is positioned on my neck and I am once again filled with the vile liquid. As this batch comes into play my body begins convulsing. I have no control over it and do not have the will to try and get myself to stop. My head bangs violently against the edge of the table and I know I will have a goose egg there tomorrow. More and more injections are added to my body keeping me from leaving or staying still. With each one, the shaking gets worse and worse until it hurts from the strain I am putting on my restraints. Finally, no more needles enter my skin and I feel Master lean down next to my ear. "She's all mine now, there is nothing you can do to help her." I feel as if a part of me is dying but I can't figure out what it is or why I feel like this. His words make no sense so I ignore him and try to find my happy place again. Praying for the pain to leave me. I am rapidly pulled from the memory and I hear the shadows murmuring around me. "She is coming." "She will be here soon." "Hurry before she can stop us." "We must finish what we started." Quickly Panic makes her way to my side with two other shadows following her. They hold me in place as I try to twist and see what they are all talking about. I want to know who this she is and what she could possibly do to these wraiths. "Do not worry about her, she will get to you soon enough. It is my turn now, one last time," With that my body is once again invaded by blackness. "Okay, you eat this and then we will get dressed and ready for this party," Carter said swinging the door open. In his arms was a tray with food and some juice on it which he set in front of me. I smiled at the dinosaur shaped chicken nuggets and curly fries that covered the plate, there was even a little container of ranch beside it. "Carter this is so much food! You can't really expect me to eat all of it can you?" I asked skeptically. "I will eat whatever you don't, but you have to promise me that you are going to eat until your full. I know that you're not used to this, but you have been doing better about eating lately. You're almost a hundred pounds now and that is significantly better than when we found you." He was right I had filled out quite a bit from when I had first come here. I took one of the chicken nuggets and dipped it in the ranch before taking a bite. It was still a novelty to be able to eat whatever and whenever I wanted to. Carter was amazing at finding things that he thought I would like to eat and usually he did a good job. We had quickly learned that I did not share his love for peanut butter, other than that everything else had been delicious. "Carter look, it doesn't have a head!" I giggled and showed him the decapitated body of the nugget. Carter chuckled and picked up a piece and took a bite. "Look mine doesn't have a tail," Carter said leaning his nugget over so that it was right next to mine. Then he moved it so that it looked like his dinosaur was eating my dinosaur. I laughed even more and continued to eat my food. That was the other thing Carter had learned about getting me to eat. If the food was fun to eat or if he talked to me while I ate, I tended to eat more food. So Carter made sure that I always had 'fun food' or that he was there when I ate. That way he could guarantee that I ate a little bit at least. Carter, that was his name, the man with the entrancing eyes. He was nice to me, kind to me, he loved me. I knew now that the bad man, Master, had tried to make me believe he was the bad one. I was now beginning to wonder how I had ever fallen for that lie. The shadows began to shuffle and part creating a straight walkway nearing me. Pain and Panic slowly melted into the rest of the crowd as if making room for whatever was coming. It stepped into the center of the mass right in front of me and smiled. "Come on my child, it is time for you to go home." Without another word I was whisked away from my darkness, the hole I had begun to call my own and back into my body. I rocked on my heels unsure of how to function with proper limbs after not having them for so long. I closed my eyes tightly as the light blinded me, I was always getting blinded it seemed. Carefully I opened my eyes again letting them adjust as I tried to get my bearings. As I looked around at the people surrounding me I saw him. He looked tired and unsure of exactly what to do as if he wanted to come to me but didn't dare. Before anyone else could say or do anything I launched myself into his arms. He stumbled back a few paces but kept his footing somehow. Carter pulled me tightly into his chest and I couldn't hold back the smile that crawled across my face. "I missed you," Was all I could say before I reached up and pulled his lips onto mine and kissed him