Chapter 73: Untitled Chapter

DANE

“God, Dane. What the fuck is wrong with you?” Jax thundered. I ignored him and carefully placed Gianna’s head against her seat. When I finally turned and faced him, he was glaring at me.

“It’s just a little sedative, Jax. Same thing as always,” I said. He glared at me and was about to say something when Ethan called out for us to secure ourselves, we’re about to take off.

“You’re a jerk, you know that?” he said, going back to his seat.

“I do.” I never said I was a good man.

“This isn’t over, we’ll talk later. You’ve been acting like a total dick lately.” I couldn’t even deny that. I sat down and buckled myself in place. I closed my eyes, sighing but I couldn’t keep them closed for long.

Staring at the beautiful unconscious woman across from me, my heart thumps in that familiar way it does whenever I’m around her.

It is weird to feel this way for a total and complete stranger I’ve only known for a mere week and yet I can’t deny what I feel.

I’ve met dozens of women in this job, some of them I’ve come to care about despite my reluctance, but none has ever come close to the way I feel about Gianna Brooks.

Nothing about her is simple, she’s a stubborn woman. Willful, smart, brave and courageous. Though she has a cold exterior, inside she burns so hot with smoldering passion unlike any other.

She also has a soft heart, she’s wild and has a freaky side that calls to me, it was a pull I can’t seem to ignore and neither can Jax.

She’s a perfect package any man would kill to have by his side, so it’s no surprise that I feel this way. I was beyond gutted when I saw her expression the first time she found out what we do.

I’ve made a lot of mistakes in my life but there are only a few that I would apologize for,going to jail was definitely not one of them because I know and I believe that little piece of shit I’d ended deserved the punishment I’d served him.

No he deserved worse.

Even if I hadn’t intended to end his miserable existence, accidentally killing him had also meant there’s one less garbage like him in society.

People who took what wasn’t theirs, abuse the innocent, use their strength on the weak thinking it made them stronger.

Meeting Gianna, knowing her these past few days made me wish for things I’d never once wished for.

For once in my life I wish I was someone different, someone whose life experiences hadn’t shaped him,someone with a respectable job and clean reputation. Someone who didn’t disgust or repulse her.

But that is impossible, I am who I am. I believe each and every person has their life experiences which help shape them into who they are.

Not everyone is lucky enough to choose their path in life. There are those like me who have no choice at all in being what they wanted to be.

My path along with Jax’s was decided years ago in a room that stank of sex and blood in NYC campus on what was supposed to be a normal Saturday night. That night had shaped our life.

While I wish I could change who I am, wish things were different not just for me but also for Jax. I’m also not ashamed of who and what I do. I’m not going to apologize for doing what I do to survive.

If I’m to be completely honest, I might even say that there’s a part of me that is proud of what we do at NYME.

Though it’s not an honorable, noble or respectable job. I’m proud of bringing joy, pleasure and happiness to my clients.

Even if it was for just a day, I’m glad I gave them something they were craving for, something they desperately needed.

I’m glad I could help them unburdened the weight on their shoulders, give them release from the stress of everyday life and expectations from society even if it was momentarily.

If a woman can’t accept me for me, or accept our past then she doesn’t love us enough to want a future with us and she certainly doesn’t deserve our love either.

Jax will have to accept that Gianna is too good to settle for people like us.

People who can’t give her much, I mean for a woman who has everything, what do we even have to offer her? Nothing, and that’s the bitter truth.

Jax knows this as well as I do, I can’t believe I have to remind him of that, when he’s the one who had warned me to stay away from her mere days ago.

I can’t blame him really, when I’m also unraveling as I’ve never done before. It’s ironic how we’re both feeling this way for the same woman.

There have been women who are crazy about us even now. And yet we don’t want them, only her. The one woman we couldn’t have.

Loving and losing a woman like Gianna is…what?! I was startled with the direction my thought is taking me. Fuck! What am I even thinking? I can’t fucking be in love with Gianna.

That’s just crazy, it can’t be love. I mean can’t it really be love when you barely know someone. Even if it is love, what then?

It’s fucking obvious how much she hates my gut right now. And that’s before I knocked her out with a sedative.

She’s going to be so pissed when she wakes up, she will undoubtedly hate me even more than she already does. Which is good, really good in fact.

“Was that really necessary?” Jax gritted, finally speaking to me his voice laced with anger. Almost three hours, he must be damn near exploding. I haven’t seen him this pissed for a while.

The entire flight he’d been silently seething, waiting until we were alone to hash it out. We’d arrived in New York a little over an hour ago, the seaplane had landed on the helipad above NYMES headquarters.

We should have taken her to Ruin’s office and waited until she’s conscious but something tells me she wouldn’t appreciate that.

Gianna is a proud woman and would probably want to walk into Ruins office on her own two feet rather than being carried like an invalid, which is the reason I’ve been aimlessly driving around town until she’s awake.

Jax is currently sitting in the backseat of the convertible we had retrieved from where we had left it a week ago when we left for the cabin.

He’d carried her all the way from the plane through the elevator ride and had placed her in the car. I knew even without his elaborating what he was talking about.

“You know it is, if we allowed all our clients to know the locations of our operations the novelty and mystery will wear off. You know that as well as I do.”

It was all bullshit excuses and he damn well knows it. He knows me better than anyone,his eyes narrowed.

“Cut the bullshit, that’s not why you did what you did,” he spat. “Don’t think I don’t know what you are doing.”

“What are you talking about?” I asked with a blank face, swerving into a different route that would lead us back to the headquarters.

“You know damn well what it is I’m talking about.”

“I really have no idea what you’re going on about Jax, I don’t know why you’re getting angry. We’ve done this more than a dozen times and you never seem to have any problems with it.” I said,starting to get angry myself.

“This is different and you know it. You have been purposely acting like a dick to her. Why is that?” he challenged, my eyes meeting his prying eyes through the rearview mirror.

“You tell me, since it’s your conclusion. As far as I know, I’m just being a professional, doing my job the way I’ve always done it, same drill,different day and a client.”

“Oh for fuck sake drop that bullshit. You might deny it all you want but I know you. Besides, Gianna’s not our client, you shouldn’t have knocked her out.”

“True,she might not be our client but that makes our situation worse. Did it ever occur to you that she might change her mind and sue us for kidnapping her?” Even as I said it, I knew I was full of shit. But I’ve got nothing to say that wouldn’t prove Jax was right.

“She said she wouldn’t and I believe her.”

“Right, and I want to believe her too. But I’d rather be safe than sorry, the cabin was filled with our DNA. Not having the knowledge of where she was held captive is the best thing I could think of. No evidence to trace back to us in the case she later changed her mind.”

“You’re my brother Dane, but I gotta tell you, you’re a fucking dickwad. Just listen to yourself. Man the fuck up brother and admit that you’re hurt. Hurt about what she said, because I also am. But what the fuck do you expect?” he was yelling.

“She didn’t know what she was getting into, didn’t know who we were and what we do, she was fucking kidnapped.” He was angry and frustrated. A rare thing from him, but so am I.

“I’m not fucking hurt about what she said damn it,” I yelled back just like he did. I really wasn’t, I’m not that fragile, I was hurt by the look in her eyes, it fucking gutted me.

That look of disgust I saw merely hours after I had taken her. After she’d given herself to me. It was the best damn sex of my life damn it.

“Fine, you weren’t hurt. But fucking admit that you are deliberately being a dick so she hates you, easier for you to deny that you are in fact in love with her,” he replied, poking at something he had no business talking about.

“I’m not fucking in love with her!” I deny glaring at him.

“Right. What do I know? Whatever you say brother, just stop being a dick to her. Stop hurting her. No more of the hot and cold shit you got going on. She might not want us, but we owe it to her to find the truth. You can let me handle everything if it’s too much for you to be around her,” he said so seriously, his eyes looking at me with understanding.

“Fuck you,” I spat. He didn’t understand shit.

“Fuck you too. I take it we’re in agreement, yes?” he said as arrogantly as though he was talking to an idiot.

Fucker! He made me feel like it too.

I glared at him through the mirror. He’s my brother but fuck if I didn’t want to bash his teeth in and I might if he thinks to stop me from being part of this investigation.

I’m going to stay right by her side and protect her even if she hates my gut and would rather she never has to see me. Until the truth is out and she’s safe I’m not budging an inch away from her. She’s stuck with me.