Chapter 7: Meddling Family Part: 2

Meddling I am beginning to understand is hereditary in my family. I seem to be the only one not afflicted with it.

All my life I've tried to be a private person whose life is separate from her family and business but I couldn't escape the people who are highly trained in the art of meddling.

Say whatever you want about my family but man they could be so perceptive and clueless at the same fucking same time.

Honestly I sometimes think they just chose to be clueless sometimes. Acting dumb is their go to mode when they know I'm on to them.

Like how they've all been trying to set me up with different men and women throughout the years.

Just because they are my family doesn't mean I'll continue to tolerate their nosiness, I've had enough of that.

Right now though I'm starting to rethink my decision about marriage. When I said I was going to have a sologamy wedding I was half drunk and boiling mad.

But now that I'm sober, I know I could do it if it would get my meddling family off my back.

A marriage I hear is supposed to be the beginning of a new journey. A journey of love, loyalty, discovery.

A day every woman dreams of binding herself to another in holy matrimony.

There's no man I'm in love with or I trust that much to bind myself with for any short amount of time.

Having a sologamy is a sure way to get my family to leave me the fuck alone from their ridiculous attempt at matchmaking.

As a child growing up my entire life and happiness has been solely dependent on my parents, both of whom were so wrapped up in each other to the point I always felt like a third wheel in their lives and not a part of their family.

At least my father tried in his own ways to remember my birthdays. But mom mostly remembered when he gave me my gift and would end up making promises she never kept.

To them I was an after thought, the child they gave birth to but really didn't want. I remember always seeking their attention and approval, my dad was my world back then.

I lapped up the little attention he threw my way. With time I learned I'll never get their affections.

As a grown woman I'd trusted in the wrong man looking for that same happiness and approval.

Then it occurs to me that any happiness I get from any relationship with a man is only elusive, it's not real.

In fact happiness is fickle, it's a temporary state cause by external factors, same as love which is an illusion woven over weak people's eyes by others.

Which then gives them power over the men and women they claim to love, only to break them whenever they wish.

It's exactly what my father had done to my mother. I swore after my last and only breakup that I'm not letting my happiness depend on any man.

From now on my happiness is solely my responsibility, sologamy is a commitment to one's self, a commitment to prioritize your well-being, happiness and life above all else.

I could do that, take care of myself, always. Yes I'm going to do just that. I'm going to have a wonderful wedding with just my family and a few of my friends.

So what if I wasn't getting married to a man. Who needs a man to be happy in this era? I have been more happy and content with my hands and Bob; my battery operated boyfriend which would soon become Boh; battery operated husband—than I ever was with Colton.

But I'm also not narcissistic enough to think I wouldn't be attracted to a man. I'm a full blooded woman after all, I'm just going to do what men do best.

If and when I find a man I want and can't resist, I'm going to be upfront about it. I'm going to proposition him but only when I'm sure he's interested in casual sex, I'm going to have wild sex with him and I'm going to drop him like a hot potato. Easy.

For now though I don't want nor need a man. I know my family and friends think I'm a coldhearted bitch.

That I wasn't thinking straight, my grandma and aunts are beside themselves with worry, they are afraid I'm going to die alone never experiencing what it means to live a carefree happy life.

Or that I will never experience love. They'd been shocked when they found out Colton was the only man I'd ever had sex with. Even my aunt Giselle is getting more action than I'd ever and probably will ever have.

They think that my father abandoning me and Colton cheating on me all those years ago has messed me up, they think I'm incapable of love, and maybe they're right.

Maybe I'm too damaged, maybe I have abandonment issues. Or maybe it's just that I'm cursed just like the rest of them, though it never stops them from trying except for aunt Layla.