Chapter 84 Behind Closed Doors
“He’s locked himself in his chambers and won’t see anyone.”
The servant who delivered breakfast looked apologetic, like Belphegor’s behavior was somehow her fault. Lilith exchanged a glance with Sera across the table.
“Did he say why?” Lilith asked.
“Lord Belphegor doesn’t explain himself when he gets like this. He just… stops. Sometimes for a day, sometimes longer.” The servant set down their plates. “Best to leave him be until he’s ready.”
After she left, Sera frowned at her untouched food. “That doesn’t sound right. What if something’s actually wrong?”
“Maybe we should check on him.”
They found Belphegor’s chambers easily enough, but knocking produced no response. Lilith tried calling his name through the door. Nothing. Sera attempted next, her voice gentler.
“Belphegor? It’s Sera and Lilith. Are you alright?”
Silence.
“We’re worried about you,” Lilith added. “Can you at least tell us you’re okay?”
“Go away.” The voice from inside was flat, distant. “I don’t want to see anyone.”
“We just want to make sure—”
“I said go away. Both of you.”
The finality in his tone made it clear the conversation was over. Lilith pulled Sera back from the door, seeing the disappointment flash across her friend’s face before she could hide it.
“He probably just needs space,” Lilith said, though she wasn’t convinced.
“Right. Space.” Sera’s voice was carefully neutral. “Let’s go.”
They spent the day exploring parts of the kingdom they hadn’t seen yet, but Sera was clearly distracted. She barely noticed the beautiful meditation gardens or the library with its collection of ancient texts. Morpheus, sensing her mood, stayed curled around her neck and occasionally nuzzled her cheek.
“You can go check on him again if you want,” Lilith said eventually. “I know you’re worried.”
“He said he doesn’t want to see anyone. I should respect that.” But Sera’s eyes kept drifting toward the palace.
By late afternoon, they’d returned to their quarters. Sera settled into a chair with a book she wasn’t actually reading, while Morpheus dozed in her lap. Lilith watched her friend pretend to focus on the pages, turning them at random intervals.
“I’m going to take a bath,” Lilith announced, grabbing clean clothes. “Probably a long one. Don’t wait up for dinner if you get hungry.”
She disappeared into the bathing room, and Sera sat there for exactly three minutes before setting the book aside with more force than necessary.
“This is stupid,” she told Morpheus. “He said he doesn’t want to see anyone.”
Morpheus chittered and blinked at her.
“You’re right. I should just leave it alone.” She stood up, setting the sprite on the chair. “I’m going for a walk. Stay here.”
She absolutely did not intend to walk directly to Belphegor’s chambers, but somehow that’s where her feet took her anyway. The corridor was empty, no servants around to witness her standing outside his door like an idiot.
Sera raised her hand to knock, then lowered it. Raised it again. What was she even going to say? He’d already told them to go away. Showing up again would just be annoying.
But something about the flatness in his voice earlier bothered her. It wasn’t irritation or anger, just emptiness, and that felt worse somehow.
She knocked before she could talk herself out of it.
“I said go away,” came the voice from inside, still flat but less sharp than before.
“It’s just me. Sera.” Her voice came out smaller than she intended. “Lilith’s not her, just me.”
Silence stretched long enough that she was about to give up and leave. Then she heard movement inside, footsteps approaching the door. It opened just enough for Belphegor to look out, and Sera’s breath caught at his appearance. His hair was disheveled, eyes dull in a way that had nothing to do with sleepiness, still wearing the same clothes from yesterday.
“You should go,” he said, but he didn’t close the door.
“I know. But I wanted to check on you.” She looked down at her hands rather than meeting his eyes. “You don’t have to talk to me or anything. I just needed to see that you’re actually okay.”
For a moment, she thought he’d refuse and shut the door in her face. Then he stepped back, opening it wider.
“You’re persistent,” he said, but there was no heat in it.
“Lilith says it’s one of my more annoying qualities.” Sera slipped inside before he could change his mind, immediately feeling awkward about being in his private space uninvited.
His chambers were dimmer than she expected, curtains drawn against the fading daylight. Cushions and books scattered everywhere like he’d been lying in different spots trying to get comfortable and failing. The air felt heavy, stale.
“You really shouldn’t be here,” Belphegor said, but he didn’t sound angry. Just tired.
“I know. I’m sorry. I just…” Sera twisted her hands together. “I was worried. The way you sounded this morning, it didn’t seem like you just wanted to be left alone. It seemed like something was wrong.”
“Something is wrong. I am.” He moved to the window but didn’t open the curtains. “Some days I can’t find a reason to do anything. So I don’t. It’s not interesting or dramatic. Just me being useless.”
“You’re not useless.” The words came out more forcefully than Sera intended, and she flushed. “Sorry. I just mean… you’re clearly not useless. You run a whole kingdom.”
“The kingdom runs itself. I just occasionally show up and pretend to be in charge.” Belphegor sank onto a pile of cushions near the window. “You should go back to Lilith. This isn’t… I’m not good company right now.”
“That’s okay. I’m not very demanding company.” Sera hovered near the door, unsure if she should sit or leave or what. “Can I… would it be okay if I opened a window? It’s kind of stuffy in here.”
He shrugged, which she took as permission. She moved to the nearest window and pushed it open, letting in fresh air and fading sunlight. Belphegor winced slightly at the brightness before his eyes adjusted.
“The servants said you get like this sometimes,” Sera said quietly, still standing by the window. “They didn’t explain what ‘like this’ means though.”
“It means exactly what it looks like. I lie here until the feeling passes and I remember how to care about things again.” He looked at her properly for the first time. “Why did you come back? Really?”
“I told you. I was worried.”
“But why? We barely know each other.”
Sera felt heat creep up her neck. “I don’t know. I just… you were nice to me. You talked to me like I was actually a person, not just Lilith’s friend or her companion or whatever people think I am. And then this morning you sounded so empty, and I couldn’t just leave it alone.”
Something shifted in Belphegor’s expression. “People don’t treat you well?”
“It’s not that they’re mean. They just don’t really see me.” She moved hesitantly toward the cushions, sitting on one a respectful distance away. “I’m just the human who tags along because Lilith’s too important to travel alone. Most people don’t bother learning my name.”
“I remember your name.”
“You’re different.” Sera picked at a loose thread on her sleeve, not looking at him. “You actually notice when I’m there.”
“Of course I notice. You’re hard to miss.”
Her cheeks burned. “I’m really not. I’m very good at being invisible actually.”
“Not to me.” Belphegor was quiet for a moment. “Thank you. For coming back. Even though I told you not to.”
“Do you want me to leave?” Sera forced herself to meet his eyes. “I will if you want. I don’t want to bother you.”
“You’re not bothering me.” He shifted slightly. “I don’t know what to do with you being here, but you’re not bothering me.”
They sat in awkward silence, Sera hyperaware of every breath, every small movement. She didn’t know what to say, didn’t know if she should say anything at all.
“Morpheus has been sulking all day without you,” she offered eventually. “He keeps looking at the door like he’s waiting for you to show up.”
A ghost of a smile crossed Belphegor’s face. “He’s terrible at being patient for a creature that embodies Sloth.”
“Maybe he just misses you.” Sera relaxed slightly. “I know the feeling.”
Belphegor looked at her with something she couldn’t quite read. “You miss me? We’ve known each other less than a week.”
“I know it’s stupid.” She looked down again. “I just… you’re easy to talk to. And there aren’t many people here I can say that about.”
“It’s not stupid.” His voice was gentle. “Thank you for saying it.”
The silence that followed felt less awkward, more comfortable. Outside, the sun was setting, painting the room in orange and gold. Sera found herself relaxing despite the strangeness of the situation.
“Can I ask you something?” Belphegor said eventually.
“Sure.”
“Why did you come to the demon realm with Lilith? You could have stayed in the human world, been safe.”
Sera thought about it. “Because she’s my best friend, and she was terrified. Leaving her to face all this alone felt wrong.” She paused. “Also because staying behind felt worse somehow. At least here I’m part of something, even if it’s just being the friend who tags along.”
“You’re more than that.”
“To Lilith, maybe.” Sera shrugged. “But most people just see me as an accessory.”
“I don’t,” Belphegor said quietly.
The way he was looking at her made Sera’s heart beat faster. She looked away, flustered. “You’re being nice because I showed up uninvited.”
“I’m being honest because you bothered to show up at all.” He shifted slightly closer. “Most people don’t. They take ‘go away’ at face value and leave. You didn’t.”
“Should I have?”
“Probably. But I’m glad you didn’t.”
Sera didn’t know what to say to that, so she just sat there feeling her face burn and hoping the fading light hid how red her cheeks probably were.
They stayed like that until the room grew properly dark, talking occasionally and sitting in comfortable silence more often. Belphegor seemed more present now, more engaged, like having someone there was pulling him back from wherever he’d gone.
“I should probably go,” Sera said eventually, though part of her didn’t want to. “Lilith might worry.”
“Probably.” But Belphegor didn’t move. “Thank you, for coming back.”
“Anytime.”
She stood, and he stood with her, walking her to the door. When they reached it, Sera turned back, gathering courage. “Will you be okay? Tonight, I mean?”
“I think so, this helped more than you probably realize.” He caught her hand briefly, just a light touch.
“Sera?
Tomorrow, if you want… maybe we could walk through the gardens or something. If you’re not busy.”
Her heart stuttered. “I’d like that.”
“Good.” He released her hand. “Get some rest.”
She slipped out and made her way back in a daze, her hand still warm from where he’d touched it. When she entered their quarters, Lilith was already asleep and Morpheus was curled up on her pillow waiting.
She changed quietly and climbed into bed, the sprite immediately relocating to his favorite spot against her neck. As she drifted off, she kept thinking about the way Belphegor had looked at her, the way he’d said her name, the warmth of his hand in hers.
Tomorrow they’d walk through the gardens.