Chapter 46: Guilt!!

**Nora’s POV**

“Shit” I screamed when I realized I was about to kiss him, holding his body close to me.

At the horror of realizing what was I about to do, I immediately backed out with a jerk, with my back colliding with the mirror behind. It cracked on my sudden impact on it and hurt my elbow, with blood spurting out. I fell on my knees, panting, crying and writhing in pain.

Rorik leaned beside me, holding me, “Nora! You are hurt”. He quickly took out his handkerchief and tied it over my wound to stop bleeding, but my crying didn’t stop. My tears had nothing to do with my injury; they were due to the shame of what I had done.

“We need to leave this dreaded place,” He said, holding on my hand, helping me on my feet.

He took me outside of the room. My legs were still trembling; barely able to walk, I relied on him for support. We went to the rover. I was still crying. I don’t know what was happening to me. Why is Ornith affecting me this way? Why do I lose it all: My sense of thinking, reasoning and acting when Ornith dominates my mind? Do I know him? Was I well-acquainted with him in some other life? What can be my relation to him? Why me, of all the people, are having his dreams and visions?

“Nora, stop crying. It’s okay. I know you were in some trance. Your body was here, but your eyes seemed elsewhere. I jerked you aggressively only because I know you were not yourself, and I didn’t want you to feel bad for your actions after you come back to your senses,” Rorik tried to convince me, but this was not going to help. I was seeping in shame. My mind and body betrayed me. I don’t realize what is right or wrong, reality and dream. At that moment, only one desire dominated my mind, and that was to go somewhere and die in shame.

I am so fucked up!

He holds me through the whole way in his protective embrace, wiping my incessant tears now and then. Occasionally, giving the soft pecks on my forehead and rubbing my palm, as I was almost hyperventilating in my grief.

“I am sorry. I didn’t mean to do what I did. I am so ashamed of myself. I want to die. I feel disgusted; I don’t know how I will face you and Ronin? I am not worthy of him!” I mumbled with the flood of tears dripping through my cheeks.

“Forget about it as if nothing happened. No one needs to know anything. I swear this will not go out from me. Stop blaming yourself and take some rest. It was a mistake, and they do happen when you are in a vulnerable state. Since the last couple of days, I have observed that you are not yourself. These dreams and visions are affecting you the bad way. I am sure this will be sorted out. We will find a way to deal with them. You just focus on your health. You looked drained!” Rorik tried to comfort me. He was very supportive throughout, but my guilt overwhelmed me.

“Drop me at my cabin,” I mumbled inside my soft breaths. My voice was croaky with all the crying that broke out of me, now and then.

“Cabin? Ronin must be free by now. Weren’t you supposed to meet him?” he asked.

“No, I am not feeling good now. I will call him after some time.” I said, holding my head in between my arms. I was scared as all of my emotions were out of place. If I had to tell him, I have to do it calmly, or everything will be fucked up, given his anger issues.

“Okay, as you say. But don’t try to stress over it. It was just an impulse. Just try to forget it. Calm your mind,” he asserted, holding my head with his thumbs wiping tears on my cheeks.

“Don’t you want to ask me why I did that?” I asked him.

“I want to, but not now. It’s not the right time. You seemed disturbed. We will talk when you are fine.” He said in an understanding tone.

“Why are you so good to me? You should hate me. I have been so selfish and mean with you.” I finally asked this question as this was due for a long time. The ways his feelings were hurt because of me, I would feel the guilt whole of my life.

“I can’t, and I never will.” He said with deep meaning as if he was crying silently.

“Why?” I questioned, already dreading that I knew the answer well.

“The reason you already know-” he trailed off. Of course, he still loves me, making me all the more guilty.

Ronin’s love is dominating, possessive, and protective, whereas Rorik loves me wholeheartedly. I just wish with all my heart; maybe in some alternate universe, I shall be able to reciprocate Rorik’s feelings as he deserves love, not heartbreak. He is the definition of a perfect soulmate.

Shit! If my crying continues, I am going to flood Crixus.

I sighed and looked outside as I didn’t want to go further in that conversation.

He dropped me on common-ground.

I knocked on Meghan’s door, “Meghan, I need to talk. Come to my room,” I said, trying to sound calm.

“Coming!” Her voice was excited as she thought I enjoyed my whole time with Ronin.

After a couple of minutes, Meghan entered my room.

“Nora! What happened? You are hurt?” Meghan said as her eyes loomed over my elbow. Her pleasant expressions suddenly changed to a frown.

“It was just an accident” I shrugged it off as if it was nothing.

“But you are crying. Did something happen? Ronin did something?” Meghan asked me as it didn’t take long for her to notice my red-swollen eyes.

“I…uh…something weird happened. I don’t know how I am supposed to say!” I was fumbling in between my words and tears.

“What, Nora?” Meghan asked, holding my hand.

“I...I... Rorik. I mean, I tried to kiss him!” I felt ashamed of myself even while saying this. But I blurted it out before the words choked in my throat.

“What? Like on lips?” Meghan asked with bewildered expressions. I just gazed at her with angry eyes.

“Okay, okay, I understood, it has to be on lips, or you wouldn’t be feeling so guilty. But why did you do that?” She asked.

“I again had the vision of Ornith in that old palace.”

“What! Did you go there again? To that dreaded palace!” Meghan narrowed her eyes before continuing, “You already know that every time you go to that palace, something weird happens, and you still went there? That place manipulates your mind, plays weird games with you.”

“I know, but today I even saw myself in vision, not my usual self but some other version of me, in some another time. I don’t know what happened, but when I came out of vision, I was with Rorik!” I let out a huge sigh.

“Ronin? Does he know?” Meghan asked, narrowing her eyes.

“No, not yet. But he has to know,” I told her.

“Are you sure about this? He has some serious anger issues. You have already experienced beforehand.” Meghan warned me.

“Yeah, he is going to kill me and maybe Rorik as well. But hiding this will prove both me and Rorik guilty. I am the one who deserves his wrath, not Rorik. It was not his fault; it’s just he was at the wrong place at the wrong time” I tried to reason with her.

“You were just about to kiss him, not actually kissed him, so no reason to fret over. You were under compulsion to cheat unknowingly, but you didn’t cheat technically!” Meghan tried to make me feel less guilty, but that would not help.

A loud sound of a ringtone distracted us from our conversation.

“Ronin?” I gasped as my heart flew out of my chest.

Damn!!

“Nora! Where are you? Weren’t we supposed to meet? Why didn’t you come to the palace with Rorik? I was waiting for you,” he complained. His tone reeked of impatience.

“I was not feeling good, so I came here directly. Can we meet in the evening?” I asked him, trying to hold back tears and heavy breaths.

“No! I am waiting outside for you. Come out now!” He growled.

“What! Okay, I am coming,” I mumbled, almost dying of shock.

Shit!

I needed some time to face him and think of a proper way to tell him everything.

Fuck!! Why does he have to come now??

My expressions will reveal everything. I am going to fumble, considering the lousy liar I am. I hope he listens to me before killing me.