Chapter 20: 20. SECRET LONGING

~ORION

I watched as her face turned pale with shock from Vlad's orders. 

I gritted my teeth and tucked my hands into my pocket while pretending not to care. It was the best way to survive around here. Having a heart meant that I would easily get affected and my brothers would brand me as weak. 

I shook my head and brought my attention back to Dahlia. She did not say a word but her anger and surprise remained in her eyes as she helplessly glared at Vlad. 

She moved those same fiery eyes to me and I almost flinched at the intensity. If looks could kill then we would have all dropped dead. 

But I sighed and looked away from her, wearing my usual unbothered expression. I could not let her get to me, never!

I instead followed my brother's as they retreated toward the steps. We silently went up the stairs and when I was sure that we were beyond earshot, I stopped them in the corridor. 

"What was that back there? Since when did we start using such dirty tricks?"

Vlad arched his brow at me and Cassius only looked more amused. 

"What do you mean, little brother?" Vlad asked. 

"You didn't tell us that you were planning to blackmail her if she disagreed with this. Isn't she supposed to do this willingly?" I blurted out. 

But Vlad and Cassius only broke into laughter. It annoyed me so much that I gritted my teeth hard as I watched them. 

"What was I supposed to do? Beg her into accepting our terms? She's our mate, Orion. She's ours for the taking. There's nothing wrong in doing it this way," Vlad stated. 

I widened my eyes at his thought process. It was so different from mine and it made me wonder if he was truly my brother. 

How did this man who was so different from me end up my triplet?

"I think that it's a win-win for us. We get a pet who turned out to be our mate and who also possesses the most alluring blood. The Blood Orange which is wanted by all. I read somewhere that it gives power," Cassius chimed in, completely oblivious of how I was feeling. 

My wolf stirred at his words and he made it even more impossible for me to digest this. "You both said it yourself. She's our mate. Is this how a mate is supposed to be treated?" 

My heart ached at the thought of the warmth I was supposed to get from my mate yet knowing that I would not get it with these brothers. 

Why did the goddess have to give us all the same mate?

Vlad tilted his head slightly at my question. "Since you're such an expert in the way of the mating assigned by the goddess herself, how are mates supposed to be treated?" 

I wanted to talk. I even began to speak. I wanted to explain what my idea of having a mate was but I luckily stopped myself halfway. 

My brothers could not know how I truly felt because they would never understand. 

"Are you going soft, Orion?" Vlad demanded and I froze as I stared at him. 

I gritted my teeth and exhaled sharply before forcing myself to shrug like I usually did. Then I wore my coldness and nonchalant attitude, a mask I had trained myself for the past few years to wear since the incident. 

"That's not even a word in my vocabulary," I stated as calmly as ever. 

Vlad and Cassius smiled. "Good, I just needed to be certain that you are still one of us." 

With that, he walked past me like we did not just have this conversation. Cassius, on the other hand grinned at me as he watched me closely. 

Then he came so close to my ear. "You can fool Vlad but you can't fool me. Something's up with you. I better not find out for your sake or there will be no controlling my actions." 

Like Vlad, he walked away to his room and I released a heavy sigh. It was only when I was left alone in the corridor that I sighed heavily. 

My brothers were simply dangerous and cold creatures. There was no telling what they would do if they found out how I truly felt. Our relationship was complicated and it became so because of the incident. 

We had vowed never to go soft, never to show weakness, to always have each other's backs. Anyone who dared to go soft would be punished severely and then cut off. 

It was a sacred sibling pact that could not be broken and I doubted any other person could understand the feeling. Not even our father could. 

I stopped before my room and walked in. My table had my journal. It was open. I walked to it and trailed my fingers over the heartfelt words. 

My secret passion was writing. Writing about the true emotions that I felt deep down. . . But I had to keep it locked away from my brothers or they would believe that I had gone soft. 

Showing emotions or sympathy was one of the rules that we could never break. 

"I wonder how it would feel to truly be loved. To be craved by someone else. . . A century's old longing. . ." I read out loud from my journal.

The thought of this reminded me of my mother and the warmth that she always spread. I could see her laughing, smiling at something my father said to her. 

I envied their love, they had truly cared for each other. It was the kind of love that could have them sacrifice oneself for the other.

It was the type of love I wanted. The type that I craved. But I could not have it because my brothers would never understand. 

They literally wanted to turn Dahlia into a sex toy!

I thought of my mother again and suddenly, the memory of her turned dark and I saw the evil in her eyes as she attacked me. 

Sudden pain erupted at my chest and I lost my balance. My body started trembling instantly as I felt myself reliving that day of the incidents. 

I could still hear the echoes of my pained screams as my own mother became a monster. 

I dropped to the ground and started writhing in pain. "H— help. . . Me. . .”