Chapter 11
The red light came on.
I stopped the car and watched Jessica's expression through the rearview mirror.
She looked a bit down, but more than anything, she looked serious.
"Jessica, can you tell me why?" I asked gently.
"I know he's my dad." Jessica pressed her lips together, her head drooping sadly. "I saw dad's photos on mom's phone before. The dad in the photos looks the same as the dad I saw today, but he's not my dad."
Listening to her tongue-twister-like words, I couldn't help but smile, though a wave of sadness followed.
Since Jessica already knew Jason was the dad she'd been longing for, why would she say that?
"Did dad make Jessica unhappy today?" I asked.
The light turned green, so I looked away and started driving.
Jessica's young voice came from behind me. "I don't like this kind of dad. Dads should like moms. If he doesn't like mom, then he's not a dad."
My heart sank. So Jason didn't even hide his disgust for me in front of the child? At least he didn't know Jessica was his own flesh and blood.
"Then we don't need a dad," I said.
"Yeah!" Jessica nodded.
I'd bought a new car and was planning to celebrate at home with hot pot.
But Lily got a last-minute call. She apologized anxiously, "Sorry, Sue, my editor just messaged saying I need to work overtime to finish organizing the publication. I can't make it for hot pot today."
I nodded understandingly and comforted her, "It's okay, we can have it anytime. You go ahead and work."
Jessica's mood seemed off today, too. I wanted to find time to have a heart-to-heart with her.
For dinner, we had McDonald's, which Jessica had been craving for a while. After playing with toys in the living room for a bit, I stroked her head and said, "Sweetie, can you tell mommy what you talked about with dad today?"
I was worried that Jason, because of his disgust for me, might have said harsh things to Jessica.
She was sensitive, and I was afraid it might leave a shadow on her heart.
Children from single-parent families need extra care.
Jessica hugged her favorite doll and looked at me.
I could clearly see heartache in this little child's eyes.
My heart felt sour and bitter.
I reached out and pulled her into my arms, gently stroking her head. "Baby, having you by my side makes mommy the happiest."
Jessica reached out her little hands and hugged me back tightly. "I'll always be by mommy's side. With mommy here, I'm happy too."
We quietly enjoyed this beautiful moment together.
After a while, Jessica spoke up on her own. "I asked dad some questions."
At the exhibition, Jessica had stood in front of Jason, looking up at the face she'd been dreaming of.
She understood what I meant and held back from rushing up to call him dad. Instead, she asked, "Mister, what's your relationship with my mom?"
Jason looked down at her and answered hesitantly, "I guess we're friends."
She asked again, "Have you known each other for a long time?"
Jason nodded.
Through her exaggerated star-shaped sunglasses, Jessica looked at Jason and asked seriously, word by word, "Then do you like my mom?"
Jason fell silent.
One second, two seconds.
Jessica turned and walked away without hesitation.
After finishing her story, Jessica buried herself in my arms, nuzzling affectionately. "Mommy, I don't want a dad anymore. He couldn't even say he likes mommy without hesitating."
I held her, my heart aching with a fine, dense pain, yet also touched by sweetness.
It's good for a child to be understanding, but being too understanding only made me feel sorry for her.
I pinched Jessica's smooth, soft little face and said, "He was just silent for a moment, and Jessica doesn't want a dad anymore?"
Jessica nodded very seriously. "Mommy always tells me that love should be expressed without hesitation. Dad hesitated, so he definitely doesn't love enough."
Jessica pouted with the straightforwardness typical of children.
I was stunned at first, then laughed, but my eyes started stinging uncontrollably.
Yes, he just didn't love enough. What was there to struggle with?
"Mommy, don't cry." Jessica's soft little hand gently wiped away the tears at the corner of my eyes.
I kissed her little face and said, "Jessica, from now on, we really won't have a dad. Are you really okay with that?"
I knew very well what a dad meant to Jessica.
He was what she thought about day and night. Her only wish after being wronged at kindergarten.
Jessica nodded firmly and said, "Yeah! I don't want one!"
Jessica being so understanding made my heart ache even more.
I sniffled and changed the subject. "But when we were outside today, how did you react so quickly?"
"Hehe, because I'm smart!" Jessica proudly lifted her little head.
I didn't know whether to laugh or cry. "Then why did you say uncle was seriously ill and auntie was in a car accident?"
Jessica puffed out her cheeks and spoke angrily. "Who told them to bully mommy? There's nothing wrong with me saying that!"
She stuck out her tongue, looking especially cute. "I wish it could come true!"
Thinking about my family, my eyes dimmed, then I put on a smile.
I said, "It's okay. If they're not good, that's their problem. We've already left. We just need to live our own lives well, right?"
Jessica nodded.
Actually, the conversation should have ended there.
But Jessica clearly had more to say.
I didn't press her, just sat beside her, watching her favorite cartoon with her.
For a while, only the sound of the cartoon filled the living room.
After a long time, during the ending theme, I heard Jessica's muffled voice. "Mommy, can I not go to kindergarten anymore?"
I was startled, immediately thinking of what she'd mentioned before—that the kindergarten was having a sports day soon, which required both parents to attend.
I turned down the cartoon volume and asked, "Is it because of the dad thing?"
Jessica first nodded, then quickly shook her head hard. "No! I just don't like this kindergarten!"
The little girl's lips moved, clearly wanting to say more but holding back.
I realized Jessica wasn't telling me everything. I lifted her onto my lap and looked at her seriously. "Baby, you have to tell mommy if something's wrong, otherwise mommy won't know what to do."
I held her little hand with one of mine, giving her warmth and strength. "No matter what, mommy will always be on your side."
Jessica hesitated for a long time before slowly speaking. "The other kids always make fun of me for not having a dad. I was thinking I could show up with Dad at the sports day and surprise them!"
After saying this, Jessica looked at me and quickly added, "But I don't want a dad at all now! I just don't want to go to kindergarten. They'll definitely make fun of me."
Jessica's voice got smaller and smaller.
I felt both comforted and heartbroken.
Meeting Jessica's hopeful gaze, I wavered.
I'd originally thought Jessica should be in kindergarten to grow up healthy.
But now, maybe I need to think more carefully.
I said, "I need time to think about this. Let me consider it for a few days before I give you an answer, okay?"