Chapter 51

Nicol

When Nicolas eventually calmed me down, I went to pack Nikki’s school cloths and take her school bag. Nicolas was wondering around in my small apartment looking at the pictures on the fridge then he wondered into Nikki’s room. “I’ve missed a lot.” He said. “I know I can’t tell you how sorry I am, I really thought I was doing right by you.” “And what about Nikki and you? I don’t understand how someone will go though everything you went through alone to make sure I have the future I was mend to have.” “It’s called unconditional love Nikki; I’ve always loved you unconditionally and I always knew I will always put your needs before my own.” “What about Nikki’s needs?” “I don’t think I did that bad of a job so far.” “No off course not I mean she’s in a private school in decent ballet classes I would say your doing a hell of a job but who is looking after you Nicol who is helping you when you are sick?” “I’m not allowed to get sick Nicolas, I have to push through whatever I have, Nikki comes first and if that means I have to go to work sick or work 2 or 3 extra shifts then I do it.”

“I think we should tell her tonight.” “Wait what? Where did that come from?” “We spoke about it earlier that we have to tell her.” “Yes but…” “Think about it Nicol she’s going back to school on Tuesday that means she get’s tonight and Monday the whole day to ask questions and process what’s happening, we can’t drop it on her while she’s at school and besides then she will know she is really going with her dad to the father daughter dance.” “You’ve got it all figured out?” “Not really I was thinking about it while I looked at all the photo’s I don’t want to miss one more thing or lie to her another day I want to be able to kiss her on the forehead or give her a hug without it being weird because I’m just mommy’s friend.” “I see what you saying but you do know she’s going to be angry with me and I need to go to work on Monday. You can’t feed her anger.” “I won’t Nicol I promise I will tell her you thought it best for both of us.” “I don’t think she would understand that.” “We’ll help her to understand, okay?” “If we are in this together then yes, we can tell her tonight.” “Great now let’s go.” He grabbed the suitcase and clothes I had in my hands then I grab the bag I packed for myself; I locked the door behind us and we where off to Geoffrey who was patiently waiting for us.

“Everything sorted?” Geoffrey asked as we got in the SUV. “Yes, we are going to tell Nikki tonight.” “I see.” Was all Geoffrey said. “Have you decided what you are going to tell her?” Nicolas asked me. “I want to stick to the truth but I’m scared Nicolas I’m scared I’m going to lose my daughter.” “You won’t I won’t allow it.” “She’s as hard headed as you are.” That made Geoffrey gave a little chuckle. “Oh, another one.” He said. “Yip and she can be bad.” “I know how to handle her okay trust me.” Nicolas said. I don’t know I was shitting in my pants how do you tell an 11-year-old ‘Hey girl your father is actually still alive I’ve been lying to you for 11 years. Fuck. That was the only thought that went through my mind over and over until we reached Nicolas’s place. Nicolas and Geoffrey grabbed the bags and all of us got into the lift to get to the penthouse. I was fidgeting the whole why up. Nicolas took my hand and held it “It’s going to be okay; she will be okay.”

Nicolas

We were on our way to tell Nikki she was my daughter I was over the moon but Nicol was so nervous she couldn’t stop fidgeting. I had to take her hand and tell her everything is going to be okay. But I didn’t really know that did I. I don’t know how Nikki is going to take the news I can hope for the best but that was it. When we got to the penthouse I could smell French toast, my favorite. “In the kitchen.” Isabella called out. We walked towards the kitchen giving the bags to Geoffrey to put in the rooms. “Someone is being spoiled.” Nicol said. “Hi mom Hi Nicolas.” “Hi angel” “Hi sweet pea, do you like French toast?” “I love it, me to.” “Oh, wow so we both are getting spoiled.” “It looks like it.” Both Nicol and I went to sit with Nikki as Isabella was dishing up, there where syrup on the table, bacon, fruits everything you can think off. “Breakfast for dinner I love it.” “Mom and I do it a lot.” “Oh.” Was it because there wasn’t money for other food or was it because they liked breakfast for dinner. I really wanted to know but I wasn’t going to ask not now not when we had something important to tell Nikki. We all dished up, Nikki was stacking hers with fruit, bacon and syrup. “Not so much syrup angel.” “But mom.” After saying ‘but mom’ she still put the syrup down, so she might want to rebel but she doesn’t which was a good sign, I hope. I packed mine with fruit and just a hint of syrup, I need to be a good example starting now. And off course some bacon, I saw Nicol only taking one slice, 2 pieces of strawberries and that was it. Fuck is this how this woman was eating to make sure there is enough for Nikki, I mean there was more than enough food on the table but still she didn’t take enough for herself. “Nikki give me your mother’s plate.” She didn’t even hesitate she just took her mom’s plate and gave it to me. “Nicolas what are you doing?” “You can’t eat just that?” “Mom always eats a little making sure there is enough for me to eat.” “Nikki!” Nicol berated her. “But it’s true you think I don’t know but I do.” Nicol dropped her head, “Here you go.” When she looked up at me, I could see she wanted to cry. Fuck this whole thing is going to be much harder than I thought. But we needed to rip the band aid for Nikki but just as much for Nicol because this is eating her alive at the moment.