Chapter 174

Nicol

I could see Nicolas wasn’t himself but he didn’t want to talk about it and I couldn’t make him so I just went with the flow for the evening.  While he was drinking a scotch, I went to make myself a cup of tea.  We both took a seat at the fireplace.  Nicolas was staring into the fire, I knew I shouldn’t but I hate seeing him like this.  I got up and went to sit in his lap.  “And now?”  He asked a bit shocked.  “I just want to be close to you.”  He didn’t say anything about it he just held me closer to him.  And then he started to talk.  Thank God.  “I ended my friendship with Anton.”  I didn’t say a thing I waited for him to say what he needed to say.  “He was angry because we didn’t go clubbing with him and Candy and when he ran into Karen or should I say Karen seek them out and ran into them he told Karen there is hope for the two of us because I will leave you. But I want you to know Nicol, I will never leave you not you or Nikki or our baby, this is what I want the 4 of us this is what I was meant to do with my life of that I have no doubt.”  He got quiet again.  I knew everything he said was true but I also had that voice in my head that said ‘What if?’  What will I do then?  I know money is no object anymore but still I don’t see my life without Nicolas, not again.  Just calm down, Nicol. I told myself.  “He said he doesn’t see me as a family man and I will always want to go out and fuck random girls.”  He looked at me took my face in his hands.  “I promise you Nicol this you Nikki and our baby is all I need I don’t want random girls anymore; I don’t want to go to clubs and drink and stay out till the next morning I want to come home and sit with you and Nikki and watch some silly movie, I want to raise him or her.”  He touched my stomach.  “I want to raise this baby together I want to give my children everything they ever need which includes a mother and father that loves each other.”  “I know you do Nicolas you don’t have to try and convince me I know you want us.”  “It feels like I need to convince you I’m not sure why.  I’m not sure if it’s because Anton made me doubt myself.”

I took his face in my hands and made him look at me.  “Nicolas Brown do not doubt yourself since we’ve came into your live you did nothing but care for us, even though you had every right to kick me to the curb you found it in your heart to forgive me, you are the father Nikki always needed you put our needs before your own.  Never doubt that you are a great man and a wonderful father.”  I could see the tears forming in his eyes.  “Nicolas.”  I said because I couldn’t believe he was about to cry.  Today was clearly a long and stressful day, Nikki might be over the moon but her dad was overwhelmed.  I pulled him closer to me and hugged him.  That was when I felt the tears seeping through my top.  “Oh, Nicolas don’t cry.”  “I’m sorry it’s just, how can someone that was suppose to know me so well tell me I will leave the women of my dreams and my child.  How?”  “He never really knew you Nicolas that is how.”  He looked up at me and wiped his tears.  “Your probable right, I don’t think he knew me.  He knew the party going Nicolas he doesn’t really know who I am at my core. But you do, right?”  “Yes, Nicolas, I’m not doubting you.  I know you.”  He pulled me even closer to him and hugged me.  Isabella walked into the room “Dinner is ready.”  She said.  Oh, now I have to eat I’m not sure I can do that.  “I’ll go and get Nikki.”  “Okay I’ll wash my face I don’t want her to see that I cried.”  “You are human Nicolas.”  “I know but still.”

Nicolas

I couldn’t believe I cried was I that upset about Anton or was it just everything that happened today.  I couldn’t think that it was all Anton I mean I heard my girl got her first period, she got her first boyfriend and we found out we are expecting a baby.  I’m sure it was all of that that made me so emotional and not Anton I mean he really didn’t know me Nicol was right.  When I walked into the kitchen and I saw Nicol and Nikki chatting I knew he definitely didn’t know me because this was everything to me.  “Did you write in your diary sweet pea?” I asked as I walked in.  “Oh yes I did and a made a very big note on my Birthday.”  “Oh, can we know what it says?”  I asked I know things girls put in their diaries are sacred but I had to try.  “Yes, I wrote at the end of the day I’ll be Nikki Brown. You know you don’t have to get me anything else for my birthday right.  All my wishes have already come true.”  “Oh, and what where they?”  Nicol asked.  “Well, I wanted a father.  I got one.  Now I’m getting his surname and then I’m getting a brother or a sister.  What more can I ask for?”  “A cellphone.”  I said without thinking.  “Oh Yes Yes a cellphone then I can call all my friends and Kevin.”  Fuck I was planning on buying her one but clearly it will come out with some rules.  “Mom, you promised me a cellphone when I turn 12.”  She said to Nicol.  “Yes, but you just said you’ve got everything you ever wanted.”  “Moooom.”  She said.  “Let’s eat.”  Me and my big mouth.